WE are the drug - THEY are the addict!!!

Okay, I basically stole this idea from ShaynasMommy on another thread, but I had to expand upon it because I think it is a GREAT ANALOGY in understanding a narc's disorder and why they are NEVER really as happy as they seem to be.

I much prefer to think of the NARC as the addict and not all of us who became addicted to them because that has always bugged me a little.

There is nothing that makes people truly 'happy' while living with an addiction - not even the high, because it is so short lived. There will always come a time when it is not enough anymore to cover the underlying pain, shame and discomfort that the very addiction causes.

We always say narcs are incapable of caring, but now I wonder if it is really only because they keep that part of them completely numbed by supply in order to avoid the reality of how painful withdrawal would be for them were they to face their inner demons - whatever the initial cause was. This is assuming they have real emotions buried deep beneath their disorder.

That would explain well to me why my exN almost always did his most noticeable narc abuse right after a particularly nice, close and loving (at least I thought it was) time together. I used to instinctively sense that it was BECAUSE he cared about me that he pulled away. Feeling any emotion at all seems unbearable to them.

Anyway, this translates quite well into the narc always searching for new supply.

With every supply, eventually the effect that particular grade has on the addict can't be felt anymore the same way and they have no choice but to replace it. The new grade doesn't have to be better or stronger to affect them the way they need it to because as long as its different they will feel the initial high.

So this is when their mask is on - they are just stoned out of their heads - lol!

When they crash, which they ALWAYS will, the mask falls off and they bring us down with them. Then like every addict they go through a period of loathing for themselves and the drug which explains the devaluing phase. Eventually they have to discard it for a new high because they can't live with themselves straight.

The only way for old supply to get them high again is if they leave it for awhile and come back to it later.

That explains so clearly why they turn up again months or years down the road. Our grade will get them high enough again for awhile at least, but it also explains why the second time usually doesn't last as long and often ends more badly.

Some might be willing to try to stay with old supply well after the initial high wears off for various reasons, but life with these addicts is never stable, likely filled with a ton of abuse and eventually we have to leave them to save ourselves and that is when they plead for a fix from us and when refused they almost always turn to desperation and lash out in retaliation because we won't give them what they need anymore.

They need serious extended rehab or major life destruction to ever even consider trying to give it up since it doesn't harm them physically the way a real drug does and if they are good looking and charming enough there is plenty out there for them.

The ones who have the most trouble securing new supply need to return to us most often and that explains to me why mine hasn't. For now, he has no trouble at all maintaining a well stocked stash and usually has at least a few varieties to choose from.

Oh, and online dating sites are their perfect and legal dealer - lol!!

OMG! I like this analogy.

Journey on...