We all want to be Daddy's favorite girl: another take on the OW and jealousy

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#1 Jul 30 - 11AM
Arwen
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We all want to be Daddy's favorite girl: another take on the OW and jealousy

So I was getting ready for bed last night much too late than I should have due to some obsessing over my shame from the narc, and I thought about phone calls he would get on his cell while I was with him. He would get texts and calls all the time from several different women - one of them I knew he was still talking to but not seeing that much and was getting ready to D&D her, one was an ex GF that he still supported financially to some extent, one was another girl "friend" that he had an unclear tie to, and of course there were my texts and calls to him. I realized that he had all of us dangling on a different thread of the same web that he had woven - this intricate web of women who all seemed like his daughters to me last night. All fighting for his attention, and he, the benevolent father, takes time to give us all attention but as he decides and when he decides. I had slept with him one night and in the morning we were in the car when he got a call from one of his harem of daughters as I see them, and he just took the call right in front of me as if I should have absolutely no problem with her calling and him talking to her! He was saying to her, "no, I wasn't with so and so lastnight". But very, very calmly. It was so insane I can hardly believe I stayed in the car. I never felt like such a piece of dirt as I did in that minute. Well that's not true - I felt like a piece of shit around him all the time.

So I think a lot of us are sort of in a sibling rivalry with these narcs when we speak of other women. Just like kids who want their neglectful father's attention, we become jealous when our sister gets it. We and the OW's and the narc are all one big dysfunctional family I see now. I want health now. I don't have a father and he's never coming back and my N aint my Dad. And the OW aint my sister.

Aug 10 - 4PM
Susan32
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Sibling rivalry

The ex-Psych prof was FASCINATED with sibling rivalry. He saw his sister as a rival. He'd ask me if I were jealous when my sister was born... I think he wanted to triangulate my sister&I... and that succeeded like using a bike to operate a blender. (I've triangulated him against my nephew-and I stacked the deck so he'd lose BIG TIME) He'd tell me about Arthur Schopenhauer, who envied his sister's literary success;he liked how Leo Tolstoy triangulated Sofia Behrs with her sisters when he courted her. Leo Tolstoy even fueled the flames of sibling rivalry AFTER he got married. Sofia wanted to go to a ball in Tula, but Leo took Sofia instead. I think the ex-P wanted a rivalry between his girlfriend and I... I made sure to whet his appetite for it so I wouldn't deliver. I have promised it and NOT followed through. The problem? I saw his girlfriend (now wife of a decade) as a sister rather than a rival. She could've passed as my older twin sister. We look alike! She's even nerdy, like me. It ended up backfiring, and I MADE SURE it did. The poor poor ex-P had to listen to me singing his girlfriend's praises. His discomfort was fun to watch&should've been posted on YouTube (but it didn't exist 11 years ago)
Jul 30 - 2PM
greengirl91
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Oh Arwen, you`re so right

Oh Arwen, you`re so right here! That`s why I love this community, because it shows how much alike those Narcs are. Mine had a complex about being called "Daddy"! And more Ns as well, have this trait, I can see. Like a Father who has to take care of all his little girls, who has to do "the work", for all the Dad`s that didn`t. But careful, even though they seem protective and special in their hooverings, and you feel "safe" and "blessed", it`s only the preparation for the sick games! As, I`m sure you know this arleady, because you are here :-) that`s where the REAL fun begings! For Him, of course, not for you. Mine had a favourite song, with lyrics like "all my girls, each classic case"..and I believe neglect of the father, has something to do with us being attracted to the Narcs. My ex N had the sadism of my mother, and the aloofness and comfortably numbness of my father..there were good times too, "heavenly" so called moments, but are they worth it for all the torture and hell that comes after?..
Jul 30 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
ordinarycourage
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Daddy's Favorite Girl

This really hits home for me, Arwen. I was raised in a two parent family with mom at home and dad working lots of longs hours and traveling for his job. I was the middle daughter of three girls. There may be some lingering jealousy issues that I'm projecting onto OW. I have noticed that my own two daughters will jokingly compete to be the "good daughter". Have I set them up to be susceptible to narcs?
Jul 31 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Ord courage...glad this spoke

Ord courage...glad this spoke to you. It hit me like a ton of bricks today. You may want to sit your daughters down to have a talk about the things you hear them joke about and even if you can't get a full conversation out of them, it would be a start and would give you hints as to what direction they are going in in terms of being secure against narcs.