Way too soon to find a new boyfriend

YI am recently emancipated from my Narc. My awful cycle lasted 8 long years. Five years ago, in between the multiple Hooverings I have endured, I created a profile for myself on match.com to maybe find someone else and break the cylce.

.

So in an effort to move forward, I went to match.com and thought brifely, "I will just take a look."
I cam across my profile from about 5 years ago.

Holy crap. You could read the bitterness dripping from me in my profile and I am surprised any one responded. I actually wrote, "if you are looking for the little woman type, I'm not it." This was before I was totally annihilted and actually had an original thought of my own

So, tonight I started in my head to rewrite the match.com profile- of what i want, what I enjoy, how do I spend my time and whats most importatnt in a date. MIND YOU- this was an excercise for me, not to publish - but to keep as a private profile for now.

I couldnt even begin. I couldnt definitively write one thing that I want. I couldnt scratch the surface about what makes me tick now, and who would be my ideal dat, or what I want in a partner.

Like I said, I knew it was too soon to try and date someone. I cant bring someone in to my mess right now because my ex N destroyed so much. If I did, I would only punish them for sins they didnt committ. Trying to even write the profile proved it to me.

So, with all of us struggling through this, I ask- how long does it take to have your "sense of self" return?
I dont want it overnight, because I didnt lose myself overnight. I am a little older now than I was when this started and recreating a life doesnt seem as easy.
I lost or gave up all but one of my friends.
Would love feedback.

PS- I am currenlty taking life lessons form KILL BILL volume 1 on TV and I know its not healthy. hahah