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A way to get thru the day..

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#1 Nov 10 - 4PM
distraught721
distraught721's picture

A way to get thru the day..

I often say to myself “its not important that he hasn’t called me….whats more important is that I haven’t called HIM” and it gives me a reason to celebrate. You see, they EXPECT for you to call them They are so SURE OF YOU and when you don’t …you are proving them wrong! And that’s not whats important…what is important is that YOU have understood how important it is to NOT HAVE THEM IN YOUR LIFE!
Why? Because they will lie , gaslight, make you feel bad, control you, manipulate you , make you feel less of yourself, give you anxiety, second guess yourself, give you stomach aches cause you just KNOW somethings just not right etc. So why would I want him to call me??
What I look at is MY accomplishment at NO CONTACT for the past 25 days! Yay! I never went past 10 days before I either contacted him or he contacted me and I gave in.
He is not contacting me moreso because I exposed him to his current supply, I also ratted him out to his sons mother who did not know he had filed for disability/retirement, was receiving his pension, social security benefits for himself and his son (who he barely sees) and also disability insurance…I told her to go to SSI office and put herself as the trustee to receive his sons checks (mind you at the time he was behind 3 months child support).
He never expected me to turn on him this way. It was my way of sabotaging any future communications so that is good. But the bottom line is this…I am better off without him.
Ladies, remember how bad it felt! Be glad you don’t have to deal with the guessing, the wondering, the gaslighting , the anxiety. Be glad you smartened up and got out !
Will he call again? Maybe , maybe not…but it doesn’t matter! What matters is that with each day that you don’t call, don’t bother etc….you are gaining back the dignity you feel you lost….everyday of NC is an accomplishment!
So that’s how I get thru the days sometimes….its not that he hasn’t called me…its that I HAVENT CALLED HIM!!!

And you know what? I prayed everytime I felt pain, confusion, couldnt get out of bed...and I prayed "God I do NOT want to feel this way...I dont want to love this man...please take this away!" and it worked. I feel better every day

Its been 25 days that I have done NC...I never got past 10 days max without me reaching out or he reaching out...for what? Why bother? All you get is bullshit, anxiety, anger, self hate because you gave in too quick, etc....WHO NEEDS IT!!!

Nov 10 - 6PM
sunshine11
sunshine11's picture

Same thoughts

I actually done the same thing that you did. I was so angry that I exposed him to his new supply also. Of course she took him right back and loves him now more than ever....lol...and I'm just the crazy, pshyco ex-girlfriend who the new woman thinks is suffering from parnoia. Just the way he wants it. Anyway I hope and pray with everything in me that I made him hate me enough this time to never contact me again. After 7 years I'm just to tired of his games. Regardless I haven't called him and don't have any intentions too. I really feel good about our break-up this time thanks to this site. I have learned alot from reading everyones stories and truely realize that I'm not alone. But most of all I do realize that I am a strong woman and I can do this!!!
Nov 10 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
distraught721
distraught721's picture

Everyday

We can say "we did it!" Everyday we can say "we survived"... I did not feel good about what I did after a week because I wondered "what will he think of me ?" Then I said this week "who cares! He is a liar, a cheat, pathological, a thief..who cares?!!" and with the OW...she can have him!!! They may think they are "punishing us"...who cares! They may think "she will call me"...we are proving them wrong...EVERYDAY OF NO CONTACT! Be proud! You have survived! He was wrong about you. But like I said you will eventually not care what he thinks of you!! I am feeling better. I know that I will not tolerate bad behavior. I know that next time I will not be afraid of speaking up if I ever come across another narc.... I will not be afraid to be alone because I would rather be alone than to deal with such anxiety, stress, wondering, etc....its awful being in that kind of relationship and thats why WE GOT OUT! Be proud! Pat yourself in the back! I unfortunately had just ended a 15 year marriage...I was strong at one point...and when my husband blamed ME...I believed it! I believed I was the cause of his unfaithfulness! And then I met this one last year...and I didnt even really like him! He was something to do...but the moment he got me with his charm and attention and he knew I was falling for him....BAM! He told me he didnt want a serious relationship! And my ego got in the way!!! So I tried to "win him" and what I did was lose MYSELF in the process! Never again.... Now he is with his wife in Colombia...he lied about ever going there in the future...tried to make me look like I was "insecure" of a woman thousands of miles away! And he is there as we speak.... Dont waste caring about a liar...a cheat...they are the ones with the problems...I will never let anyone define my value again!
Nov 10 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Anari
Anari's picture

First of all you're

First of all you're beautiful- I love your picture! Secondly, I have to believe that karma finds a way...it has to. Not now, not five years from now, but it will.
Nov 11 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
distraught721
distraught721's picture

Thanks

Thank you Anari for the compliment. I had gone and waxed my entire face ...lmao!! I did my eyebrows etc...I feel good. So I took the picture and posted it here. It will get better. Last night I woke up at 4 am thinking of him...he is in my dreams ...I never dreamt of him when we were together..how weird! But someone told me on this forum that I may be suffering from PTSD...and she is probably right! I went thru the same thing when my husband abandoned me and my three boys...I dont even think of him anymore...only when his child support check is late! LOL! So I KNOW I will be better soon...its difficult to swallow that these people can just go on with their lives with no regard to the damage they left behind... Another way of getting thru the day is remembering that although I may cry (havent cried all week so thats good!)...THEY dont know I am crying....THEY dont know how devastated I felt...I showed anger and disgust and I dismissed HIM ...he did not DISMISS ME! So that helps...I guess its an ego thing ...a pride thing.. Today is Day 26 of NC...soon I KNOW I wont even remember how many days its been...I know I will get there. I just found out yesterday he is in Colombia and NOT COsta Rica like he claimed he would be going ...so it only CONFIRMED that my decision to drop him like I did when he came back in September was the right one! My decison to keep looking led me to find out that all along he was lying and he had been sleeping with this indian woman who lives 5 miles down from him (I live 1 1/2 hours away and he would see me weekly) ..he wanted one there and one here. The last time when he tried to come back he said when he comes back from his travels he "would be wherever I am"...I was happy but insulted at the same time. How dare he think its that easy after he D&D'd me this summer when I was going thru so much !! So I looked, I found, I dropped him! At first I did not know if they slept together so of course he tried to make me believe they didnt...so I called her and she confirmed it...he never called to apologize. I was more insulted...so two weeks later I did a fake profile on Mingle2...got him to leave a voice message on an internet phone I got and texts to a yahoo IM I created and the next day I sent it all to his new supply and he was pissed! Then 3 days later thats when I called his sons mother....after talking with her it seemed she had been flim-flam'd thru all the years ...but she seemed too proud to admit it...I never heard from her again so I am thinking she threw me under the bus and doesnt dare speak to me for fear that I would be angry. I really dont care...she is now getting what she deserves for her son and my duty is done. I am a single mother of 3 boys...he was keeping her money that SSI was sending for his son....wow! So anyway...he is away from here...away from his OW...and on to his wife (which he called an arrangement and his sons mother did too...as a matter of fact she was sleeping with him WHILE he was married to this arrangement and I told her he admitted to having relations with this "arrangement"...she got quiet) So who needs this? 4 grown daughters he has that always need something or another...a son whos only 10 that he barely sees and of course he is somehow attached to the mother still...who needs this!! So yeah...HE WILL REMEMBER ME...as the one who kept looking...kept asking questions...and gave it to HIM in the end....yeah...I am fine with that! So I am feeling better today. I am proud of myself. Glad I looked...not glad I found...but I knew I would find something out because a relationship that gives you anxiety, has so many questions, doesnt feel right...is usually a bad one...and I got out! And what I also feel good about is that HE CAN BLAME ME ALL HE WANTS...but I found out the truth! It not ME...I did not cause the breakdown of this relationship! IT WAS HIM...he is the liar, the cheat etc...he tried to make it seem it was me ...the insecure one, the needy one...etc...but when someone has good intentions for you..they WILL answer the questions, they WILL understand your need to know, they will be patient ...because 95 percent of the time I did not question...but when something felt off and I had a need to have a question answered...it should be answered...yet he would get irate...get pissed...label me insecure etc! If you dont have anything to hide...you hide nothing! Hope you have an awesome day!