Watch out for old love songs

So I had on the 80's station on yahoo radio and "Total Eclipse of the Heart" came on. Needless to say, I lost my sh*t. And I just let myself cry. Said what I needed to say to the Powers-That-Be(aka God), and then went back to my project.

You see I have my living space all torn up. I thought re-arranging everything would help change the stale energy and memories of when he was here. Of course I am finding all sorts of ex-Narc related stuff.The energy is being stirred up
for sure!

Not even 4 months past D&D. I think of all the friends I've lost because of this and also because they are partiers and I just don't want to go there anymore. I'd just like to move. But that is not in the cards yet. And then I start thinking about how did a successful woman let herself get to this awful place at 44? AAAARGH!!!!!

My point in this post? No matter how strong you are, this stuff can be triggered and it's hard to control. Luckily,I am usually by myself. And my critters seem to tolerate it: )

It seems to be a balance of self-discipline and self-care. Interesting tight-rope to walk. Myself? Fall off it all the least I have a net. That net is this board (and the powers-that-be,of course!)

Love to you all.

helldweller's picture

Oh, God, yes. I met the narc one morning after we fled my ex-husband. My daughters and I were going to school the first day back here in my home city. We walked to the coffee place and there he was, outside, smoking. When he saw me, his face broke into this huge smile and his blue eyes, of course, sparkled. Good morning, beautiful, he said. Ugh. Every day, I saw him, and even though it's sappy, whenever I hear that song "On the Wings of Love" I want to die. That first line: "Just smile for me and let the day begin." Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Just kill me. When he smiled at me, it was like the sun coming up, and every day was like that until I needed it like a drug. And then it started going down, down, down. As soon as he knew.
hitandrun's picture

Loving them is like an addiction.
aceonelady's picture

That is one of the things that the N took from me that reallywas agreat part of my life:MUSIC...I can't listen to anymore...i try but i just break down and cry...I was at the Gym and bang here it comes Missing you from John Waite...i got palpitations trying not to cry....At the grocery shop...My immortal va Evanescence...I run out and started crying outside....It sucks,i hate that bastard....I feel dysfunctional and i do avoid some social situations because of this....Does anybody been trough this and please can tell me that will get better....


Steph's picture

I have. Probably many of us had. Music can be very triggering I think. I couldn't go out in social settings for a long time....scared I would see him, music playing would remind me of him or stir up sad emotions and make me miss him etc. Part of PTSD? i guess. I can't tell you when it gets better, but I know it does. I know that's not very helpful lol....I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in what you've been feeling:)
aceonelady's picture

Thanks for your insight on this,i do value it and it does help me,thanks for sharing.And caring...HUGHS


happydaysahead's picture

I cannot listen to music anymore !! :( I am always hearing things that make me think of him. AND I have been hearing the song I wanted to be OUR song (our first dance) at our wedding like ALL of the time. It is a Celine Dion song--Because You Loved Me. :( And that is an older song but now I hear it all the time--is the car, in a store. WHAT THE HELL !?!?!?!