Was your N good looking?

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#1 Nov 3 - 12PM

itreallyisabouthim

Was your N good looking?

I read in that book "Splitting" (about divorcing a narcissist or borderline) that Narcissists as a group are good looking. I wondered how that could be true unless something about being good looking contributes to developing that particular personality disorder, and I had never seen that listed as a contributing factor.

So...was your N better-than-average looking?

Mine wasn't, though he'd probably beg to differ, lol. One time I said something about his surfing so much and he said something about it being good for him and I said yes, but shouldn't be done to the exclusion of other things (like work) and he paused and said "But LOOK at me!" I was honestly stumped - I didn't know what he meant. Now I think he was secretly vain. I mean I know he is a Narcissist but in his case if it hadn't been for that very revealing comment I wouldn't have thought he had such a high opinion of his looks.

#2 Nov 22 - 3AM

Marie

Not at all

My N was not good looking at all. In fact when I first decided to give him a chance I remember stealing glances at him trying to find something about him that I liked. All I can say is he has the nicest smile. After that initial date I backed off from him because he really wasn't someone I'd normally go out with. He really cleaned himself up after awhile and now I realize when he looks like that he's on the prowl. I'm sorry I ever gave him a chance all he did was break my heart.

#3 Nov 15 - 1AM

a new creation

Good looking

My exN is an extremely good looking man. He has the most beautiful blue eyes and a beautiful smile. He's 6 foot, fit, a nice body. Too bad he doesn't have the character to go with it. :( Good looks don't last forever. Their abuse does.

#4 Nov 15 - 10AM (Reply to #39)

cynthia (not verified)

mine is ugly now

mine was good looking but his sickness made him ugly, that has a way of happening over time,

#5 Nov 20 - 3PM (Reply to #40)

Ellen

ugly over time

Hi, I always thought my exN was so lovely, he had the best smile ever. I would see that sometimes but then there was another look to his face. I kept moving from feeling love to disgust and didn't understand how it could change so rapidly from one to the other. All these descriptions of good grooming reminds me of the American Psycopath film.

#6 Nov 14 - 5PM

agnesmurphy17

good looks

My N is very good looking. Works out regularly. Dresses well. Takes care of his wardrobe. Actually, takes care of everything connected with HIMself. Has that reptilian look discussed in another forum. But I only noticed it when he was angry with me. And in the end that seemed all the time. The last time I saw him, he had that look all the time. And now I think he looks revolting overall. And the shakes . . . I suffered them for almost a year before I left him. The hand tremors stopped within a few days of leaving him. Panic & anxiety attacks about a month afterwards. Still, an e-mail in my in box strikes terror in my heart.

#7 Nov 14 - 1PM

Warrior1

A Narc's looks

My Narc was ugly as hell, which further makes me wonder why I screwed around with him as long as I did. Picture an Irish Woody Allen. To quote Barbara: "Blech." I sorta want to take a scalding hot shower and scratch my skin off when I think back on our intimate times together. But, what he lacked in looks he more than made up in charm and humor and romantic e-mail messages. The guy knew how to seduce a woman's brain with all sorts of romantic bullsh*t, quoting poetry and stuff like that. People: take me at my word, if a guy quotes poetry to you, it means he has nothing to say for himself! And I fell for it, hook, line and sinker!!! Despite putting me through hell, I will say that he was one charming and funny guy. I'm sure he could still crack me up, which is why I just do the NC thing. He was a fun and funny person to hang around with, but below the surface, probably one of the most boring guys I've ever met. They have no life outside of getting their supply, so of course they're a bore. What a unique, crazy and twisted person, the likes I hope to never meet again!

#8 Nov 15 - 10AM (Reply to #36)

cynthia (not verified)

My Narc was ugly as hell,

you made me laugh, that is sooo funny when you said mine is ugly as hell, hey maybe next time around you will find one that is easy on the eyes and a good person too as well. I will probably land one that is ugly as hell but treats me like a queen, god who knows ha ha

#9 Nov 14 - 1PM (Reply to #35)

Amazed

Funny you should say that Warrior, about the quotes

Wow, it is their way to get you under their thumb, their poetry does not reflect them whatsover, does it. It is like the guy who quotes Aristotle about passion for work, and is sitting there at this desk doing online porn during work hours. It is so true. The poetry betrays them. They do use this, to get your attention, to manipulate you hook line an sinker, and get you mesmerized right from the beginning. Disgusting, isn't it? Good to realize, before they mesmerize you, that this is what they are tyring to do, isn't it! So good to get a level above it, and go wow, even though it initially hits me as lovey dovey, realize, it is not the lovey dovey at all, it is them trying to con you.

#10 Nov 15 - 1PM

NanC (not verified)

Yes!

Yes, good looking. Tall, slender, but not too slender, nice tight Wrangler butt....too bad he didn't know how to wipe it right! HA!HA!HA!HA! (I'm killin' myself over here!)....Stupid jerk! Out of the 7 yrs together, One day I found out why he never wanted me to wash his "not so white" whites....

#11 Nov 3 - 2PM

WoundedSoul (not verified)

Mine is okay looking. He was

Mine is okay looking. He was very good looking when he was in his 20s. His mid 30s did a number on him. He lost some hair and grew a belly. He is still somewhat handsome especially when he dresses up. He is a master at charming people and that's his weapon to get what he wants from people.

#12 Nov 3 - 2PM

cmae1

Not at first

I'd like to know if anyone else had this experience: My N thought that he was/is God's gift to women. All he cares about is how he looks. When I first saw my N, I actually thought was NOT good looking. From the side, I thought he might be cute, but when we started talking face to face, my first thought was "how do I get out of this?" I couldn't even sleep with him the first time we tried to get together. But then suddenly I came to think that he was the best looking person ever, as if he projected his own idea of himself onto me. Sometimes I even worry I won't be as physically attracted to anyone again as I once was to him. I hope this is just brainwashing, and as I continue NC I will start being attracted to the people I was attracted to before I met him.

#13 Nov 3 - 2PM (Reply to #29)

itreallyisabouthim

cmae1

Well, I've often felt someone grow more attractive the more I am attracted to them, lol. I think women have a broader range of what we think is potentially attractive, which is heavily influenced by our perception of other attributes the person has. And I know that how someone carries himself can definitely sway my impression. So to me what you describe does not necessarily seem like something unique to a Narc but more to females. For me, though, my Narc started to become much more ugly the more I realized that he thinks highly enough of himself for both of us.

#14 Nov 3 - 2PM (Reply to #30)

cynthia (not verified)

my Narc started to become much more ugly

same here, once time we were eating out and he had food on his face and I was going to tel him but I thought NO, let the pig sit there with food on his chin it becomes him, we walked out of the restaurant and he still had a big gob of red sauce on his chin and I just laughed to myself

#15 Nov 3 - 9PM (Reply to #31)

NanC (not verified)

Cynthia!

That is soooo funny! You letting him have sauce on his chin!

#16 Nov 3 - 1PM

AnotherPath

neck upwards

From the neck upwards he was good looking, had a tanned face from sitting in front of a computer screen all day then all night. From the neck down though completely different. Had big man boobs, massive fat legs that rubbed together and huge bum, and enormous stomach with loads of cellulite. Lost weight since we split but I'm looking forward to seeing him pile it all back on.

Ending the dance

#17 Nov 3 - 2PM (Reply to #27)

Starting Over (not verified)

Re: Was he good looking

I dont know where to place my comments for the person with the original question. Hope this works. Mine was gorgeous, but everyine else did not know what he was no big deal so it might be just my taste. But I can see how being good looking can relate to Narc's. They were probably told how cute and good looking they were since they were baby's and hence them being in love with themselves.

#18 Nov 3 - 1PM (Reply to #26)

cynthia (not verified)

same here when I think of it

come to think of it mine had more of a nice face too, and his butt was nice, but thick big legs, man boobs also, and had a stomach with flab, and he had slender hands and fingers, and small feet, ha ha and he was 6'2 so it looked odd. I think sometimes in our minds we always want to remember them as perfect but they have flaws too, and he walked odd too at times

#19 Nov 3 - 1PM

MissM

Yes, very rugged - soft baby

Yes, very rugged - soft baby blue eyes and a beaming smile. He knew he was good looking but didn't play on it. He used persuasion, power and charm to get his way.

#20 Nov 3 - 1PM

cynthia (not verified)

yes yes

yes very good looking, and they are even more dangerous, but he is aging, 54 years old, the eyes are sagging, and puffy just wait until age catches up with them, and the penis fails what will they have then? There will be no inner beauty or outer beauty, all they have is what they APPEAR to be its just a matter of time, they will burn out when the physical attributes start to show age and that is one of their biggest weapons for the sexual narcissists, but if they are rich they will always be able to pay for their hookers how sad you have to pay to get laid ha ha

#21 Nov 3 - 1PM

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

mine is gorgeous! works out

mine is gorgeous! works out all the time... very metro. IMO he was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! I miss looking at him!

#22 Nov 3 - 1PM (Reply to #21)

quietude (not verified)

hoping

Heh, and Lucifer was God's most beautiful angel ;)

#23 Nov 3 - 1PM (Reply to #22)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

quietude

good point!

#24 Nov 3 - 1PM

quietude (not verified)

I think so

That's one of the things I miss, but it's oh so superficial. Undearneath that nice package is something terribly ugly.

#25 Nov 3 - 1PM

Rose-Marie (not verified)

Absolutely not!

Good looking? N1 had a certain charisma, but then again, he was only 23 when I met him. He was pleasant, but not good looking. N2 - In no way, shape or form could he be described as good looking - this is one reason why I cannot understand why I went "ga ga" over him. Must have cast a spell on me I think. Rosy

#26 Nov 3 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

Scoop

My narc was good looking and

My narc was good looking and very flirty with women .He proberly could have got any girl he liked .But he did have a sexual problem which stopped him sleeping around ,so in a way i was lucky as i havnt had to deal with any OW . But i did have to deal with 3 D&D which where the most painful thing i have ever been through . He is still on my case but he wants to be "just friends who sleep together" .I have asked him today to stop contacting me which took a phone call . He asked to see me to "talk" and i told him i want nothing to do with him . Ill keep you posted on how long the freak will go with out contact .They all come back in the end as sure as night follows day. One week , one month one year 20 years that is the nature of the beast . I was thinking today how the sweet kind man i met a year and a half ago turned out to be such a monster . Since phoneing him i have had the shakes , like an inner tremble , is that nurves does anyone know ? Scoop x

#27 Nov 3 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

Barbara (not verified)

Scoop

that's PTSD... those shakes and why are you calling him? NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#28 Nov 3 - 9PM (Reply to #17)

Amazed

Shakes,,OMG i get that too!!

The whole body trembling,,almost like gitters but more emotional,,it feels like fear?? And get it at night,,and DEFINITELY when he is around,,,it is like fear for my life.

#29 Nov 4 - 12PM (Reply to #18)

Rose-Marie (not verified)

Fear

That feeling of fear is coming from your gut and never, ever ignore gut feelings, because they are never, ever wrong. Rosy

#30 Nov 3 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

good looking

exNH is Psycho-Boy... no but very charming ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#31 Nov 3 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

itreallyisabouthim

cynthia

Mine is 54, too! Unfortunately based on pics I've seen in the past, mine is getting better looking with age. Can only last so long, though. I have never regarded any 70 year old man as "hot".

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