this was kind of a funny reaction... felt like i was going to vomit all over the world - sorry, that's not very polite :P

do you ever see this pattern with these N people? so...i hear his new lady is leaving for graduate school in two months. when we met, we were both leaving soon thereafter also, and he has a history of hooking up with women who will be leaving soon... and he likes it that way... i feel like it is easier for him to exercise control and 'hook' women from afar, via facebook, or email if you are lucky, or actual postcards if you are the luckiest. he can also juggle many at once this way. he is really excited that she is leaving. and that he is supposedly leaving... to south america! yay get the eff out of my country dude! probably won't happen though, because he's broke... what a sorry delusional little man. but, like i said, hope he goes, and then never comes back. i have been staying strong! it feels good. i have been starting to learn break dancing to get my anger out. the bboy community here is pretty supportive and awesome.

good. i had one recent slip up, but it was more a confirmation that yes: yes. this was not just a nightmare. this was real. real people like that exist in this world. and wow, i will never partake in their delusional soul crushing reality anymore. all i need to know is that God knows what's up. i don't care what N says, i don't care what he said in the past, i don't care about those things that used to haunt me. i don't care how he tries to sully my rep, because i don't care about rep like he does. i know that people love me for who i am, because my heart is beautiful. i can start again. with the Grace of God go i...