Was it something with me, some say he treated me worse than anyone.

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Feb 5 - 8AM
Armed
Armed's picture

Was it something with me, some say he treated me worse than anyone.

Was it something with me, some say he treated me worse than anyone.

I can't help but wonder what it was about me that caused then N to be so cruel. Family said although he's never been the perfect boyfriend he's never done such horrid things until he got with me. I shouldn't care how other women are or were being treated but it hurts that I was singled out. He would always say I was challenging him and he couldn't figure me out. Did this mean I posed a threat? was he trying even harder to break me? Family said he was only in love with one woman. He can't love so what are they talking about? I don't get why he picked me at all. If I was such a challenge, says he hated sex with me, and I never did what he said, why me?

Feb 5 - 5PM
Journey
Journey's picture

There could be something

There could be something about the challenge that made him dish out more manipulation and abuse in order to control you. But as far as anyone else knowing what a narc really feels about anyone or how he really treats anyone - THEY DON'T KNOW!! If he escalated his abuse with you, in my eyes that means you were the best you could be and he felt threatened and that is likely why he'd say he hated sex with you You see, when it comes down to it, there is no 'normal' logic to it. He doesn't choose for the same reasons we would so trying to understand it is difficult until we can detach enough to see it through the eyes of his disorder and understanding the various MO of a narc. It isn't about us affecting them in any way at all that we could change to suit them better. They don't want us to suit them better. That would threaten them too much. Sometimes I think the more 'perfect we are for them' in their eyes, will make them dish out the worst rejections - sexually, emotionally etc. AND, narcs usually get worse with age, so if he is treating ANY partner worse than he used to, that is likely just a natural progression for him. Don't blame yourself, please. A narc does as a narc will. WE have very little influence over them really.

Journey on...

Feb 5 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

http://www.bukisa.com/article

http://www.bukisa.com/articles/344731_narcissistic-love-the-madonnawhore-complex
Feb 5 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

I just read this link again

The BIG RED FLAG for me was the SEX, it became not only LUkewarm but downright cold blooded. He was only about getting himself off and I was a body and he always referred to me as his SWEET GOLDIE, of course until the D&D where I was completely fucked. So I went from being SWEET GOLDIE to F, ed up GOLDIE in a few weeks as he D&D me so that he could.........drum roll please............ Go off and hang out at the strip clubs, casino's, with crack ho's and, hookers, and whack off to porn 24/7. YOU SEE: Narc Speak: We have to D&D the Madonna's first so that we can JUSTIFY our profound porno addiction. How could we leave dear SWEET GOLDIE or substitute your name _____if.......they were still dear SWEET-------. WE could not so................. we need to turn the Madonna temporarily into.......YOU GOT IT.................CRAZY, PSYCO, BITCH, BIPOLAR, blah blah blah, so that we can, ONCE AGAIN............JUSTIFY.........LYING TO, CHEATING ON, USING, HAVING BLAND SEX WITH, OR SELFISH SEX............so that.......we can...........Hang out with the LADIES OF THE NIGHT and have a great time because we deserve it ........after all.............WOULDN"t YOU do this too if YOU had to live with a crazy insensitive, controlling, BITCH at home TOO. OF course you would there is not question. OF course until they want MOMMY back again and then you are dear SWEET GOLDIE again, to be put on the pedestal until their NEXT CRAVING for the WORLD OF PORNO and SEXUAL PERVERSION. Some try to enroll their sweet madonna into the ROLE OF the WHORE, generally it does not play out for any length of time. They need both you and the OW. BLAME = JUSTIFICATION I BLAME YOU.......SO I CAN DO AS I PLEASE NOT BECAUSE ANYTHING I SAY IS REAL OR TRUE OR BECAUSE ANY OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT I BLAME YOU.......SO I CAN DO AS I PLEASE SO, WE DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN, DEFEND, APOLOGIZE, for anything to THEM BECAUSE................... CONTACT=PAIN=BLAME=JUSTIFICATION They contact US to suck us back in because for whatever reason................ They need their whipping post back. They need their ................ SCAPEGOAT BACK. PLEASE DO NOT BE ANYONE'S SCAPEGOAT, we have enough on our own plate already. God bless, Goldie P.S. IF their lips are moving they are most likely LYING. They start the fights with you so that they can cheat on you. Basic Psychology 101, mirrioring, projection, and then a BIG FAT EXCUSE. IT IS HER FAULT SHE IS A CONTROLLING NAGGING BITCH. Who wouldn't cheat. AND they set it all up to APPEAR that way. Part of deprogramming from the brainwashing is to GET THAT YOU DID NOT DO THIS. THIS was done TO YOU!!
Feb 5 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
Phoenix72
Phoenix72's picture

Goldie, you are so right!

Goldie, you are so right! Hit the nail on the head!! It took me a while to figure it out but I found out he was starting fights, although he would say I started them, just to justify going to screw his new brief supply until he was ready to come back to me "Mommy". And of course the times that I did confront him about his cheating he would say "It's your fault, you nagged me and are way tooooo needy". WTFE! That's him blameshifting, plain and simple! And you are right about the lying as well...but add that they are any form of addict and the amount of lying is increased. And the porn part was exactly right as well!! I would find on his computer history where he would go on porn right after I left his place or while I was gone to the store (yea, no lie!) or prior to me arriving at his house when he knew I was coming over. When I would confront him about the porn, he would naturally get extremely defensive saying that I had no right to go through his computer and the best line of all "I was only looking at the top 5 videos, I didn't actually jack off, just looked at the video". Really??? What moron goes on porn sites just to look at them??? And I would see in his computer history where he would go to the same video several times.
Feb 5 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

You are getting it now

Of course he is a Porno ADDICT. No question or doubt there. He has an addiction and he justifies his RIGHT to FEED his addiction whenever he pleases. CHOICE: Either remain a porno addicts physical body for them to use at will OR GET OUT, REMAIN NC, and DON'T let this whack job EVER EVER EVER back into your life, there is NO CURE for this. HE is what he is: a seedy, lying, cheating, manipulative PERVERT. YOU DESEVE So much better than this. God bless, Goldie
Feb 5 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Phoenix72
Phoenix72's picture

He's much more than a WHACK

He's much more than a WHACK JOB! haha He is the spawn of Satan! I was his: Personal punching bag (literally) Personal verbal abuse object Personal mental abuse object Personal emotional abuse object Personal masseuse for his aching legs, arm and back Personal nurse for his alcoholic bs, shoulder surgery and butt surgery (yes, they had to surgically remove a cyst, puss pocket in his butt crack which I had to stuff every day for over a month! What woman would be willing to do that?) Personal chef Personal maid Personal sex object to feed his needs WHEN he WANTED Personal taxi driver since he didn't have a license Personal gopher Personal doormat Personal mommy I've never, ever done that shit for any other man that I've been with. I was at his beck and call, didn't matter what time of day or night or what the weather was. Even his brother has told him on several occasions that he would NEVER find a woman as good to him as I was to him. His dad calls him a loser, alcoholic SOB, piece of shit, etc. all the time. His mom can barely do anything for him because she's too busy shopping (hoarder) and her obesity prevents her from going up to his 3rd floor apartment. All I have to say to him is "GOOD LUCK AND F#CK OFF!"
Feb 6 - 3AM (Reply to #6)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

They like a challenge

That they can bring down, I had red flags all the way through from day 1..opening line well if you want a finger buffet darling theres lots of men, you want gourmet I'm right here if you can keep me interested. Why the f didnt I go yuk? Instead I went for the challenge. I didnt even get weeks of bliss, I got moments of..in between getting told I was ugly but he liked my intelligence. Never been called ugly, in fact when I went away at the weekend the landlady came over to my hub and told him you wanna keep on to that girl, she is so lovely and so damn cute. Not trying to 'big myself' here but the different approach the N used somehow worked for me..and prob shows I am a bit sick. It wasnt even an instant attraction for me looks wise, he looked about my dads age. A gym goer so nice body but only 5ft 6, I normally go tall, and bald but you could see hints of white hair peeping through if he hadnt shaved head properly. Looked very like a small martial arts teacher. So I think for me it was the challenge of someone 'out of my reach' in my head, rather than trying to get the bliss back. Does that make sense?
Feb 6 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Armed
Armed's picture

Snowflake

It makes perfect sense but don't beat yourself up about it. My narc called me an ugly big tooth bitch...how juvenile. I actually laughed when he told me this. It was so contradictory. He always said how my face was my best attribute and he wished his teeth were as white as mine, so sure try and demean the features he wish he possessed. They are all a load of crap and actually very jealous. Your narc probably had a bit of a Napoleon complex!!! Lol most small men are very insecure and narcs well, no matter how attractive or TALL lol are all small jerks. Men who put women down in order to feel superior are all weak and pathetic. Be glad your out!