Was doing well, now not so much

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#1 Jun 18 - 12PM
Erali
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Was doing well, now not so much

I have been doing really well the past several months, now my XNP has been at my favourite cafe every day. He used to go there once in a while, now he is there every day, and I am too (this is 2 blocks away from my house, and 25 minutes from his...he really needs to be here?). I can be in the same room, but yesterday I had to go really close to where he was sitting, so I could pay. This made me visibly shake, and all of our mutual acquaintances basically don't give a s%#t, and my friends basically don't either. They are just sick of hearing about it (as if I'm not sick of dealing with it). Last night the stress came to the surface and I took it out on my friends. I sometimes think he will get what he wants (to ruin my life).

Jun 19 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Oh,he's doing this on

Oh,he's doing this on purpose, I suggest you skip it for a few weeks! He'll disappear. Hunter
Jun 19 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
Erali
Erali's picture

I actually feel stronger

I actually feel stronger after it happened. I am going to keep doing what I want to do! He can enjoy his attempts :) If I get upset again then I will stop going, but I gained even more perspective and courage (not without this forum!) after that day.
Jun 18 - 3PM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I Totally Sympathize

CharlieSheenWinning is all over town like a fog with his NewWinningWife. I thought they'd live somewhere else, but nope. Staying here -- crashing at a friend's house. All over the places I loved to go all the time. It's awful. I've avoided all places I think he might be until last Tues. and the fact that his friend showed up to shove it up my ass that he's doing so well was a huge trigger. We just have to keep on keeping on. I am looking forward to the day when the sight of him or hearing about how wonderful his new life is w/o me doesn't have an affect. Until then, I'm going to deal as best I can. Hugs to you. This is hard as hell. Stick with us on the board and get it out. Writing about it really does help.
Jun 18 - 12PM
indenial
indenial's picture

thats what they do

Ruin lives. Eventually everyone around you gets sick of it they think its you who's mad and tat you actually enjoy it because you keep going back. I wish I could say something more positive to help you but I'm feeling very down too. I'm just trying to end it once again and this is my fear that he will just keep popping up in the future and I will have to see him and have him torment me. It would be so much easier if they'd just disappear off the face of the earth. Hugs to you xx
Jun 18 - 12PM
nancyh
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Erali, sorry you still having

Erali, sorry you still having to deal w/the XNP's mind games - but remember that he can't ruin your life w/out your permission. Even though it is your favorite cafe pehaps you could go to a different one? If his presence caused you to become visually shaken I'm sure he gets supply/kicks from seeing it & probably will keep showing up there. Stay strong.

Nan

Jun 18 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Erali
Erali's picture

Thanks! It's the one place I

Thanks! It's the one place I refuse to give up. Next time I'll just avoid going anywhere near him, no matter what. I'm sure you're right that he gets off on making me scared.
Jun 18 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Done sourcing
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Hoovering

he is hoovering (like a vacuum cleaner, sucking energy from you) and it is working. You are wondering if he will be there, or not be there. If you go and he isn't, you wonder if he's coming, or if he just left. You are feeling like a hostage feels, under the control of another. I recommend finding a new place for awhile, then check back in a couple of weeks. If he is still there, go another couple weeks without checking back. He will hurt you and he doesn't care. This is the unique way of narcs, makes no sense because they are disordered, and they don't get better. We have to change, they never will. Yhis isn't a high school drama, this is your life. A narc won't make you happy ever, the good times are over, nc and staying out of their energy field is the best way to move on and regain control of your life. Any contact is supply for them, and they will use it to hurt you. Best of luck during your growing phase, Chris
Jun 18 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
Erali
Erali's picture

I've managed to avoid this

I've managed to avoid this hoovering since we stopped speaking about a year ago, but recently I've started going to this cafe daily to study and BAM now he's there every day too. I think it's because he lost his new girlfriend. Thanks for all the good words and I feel a lot better today. Each time I go a step backwards I end up getting two steps ahead afterwards!