Voice mail hoover from the exwn

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#1 Oct 16 - 12PM
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Voice mail hoover from the exwn

I woke up late today, and there she was, on my voice mail, in all of her unique Narc style. I wrote it down verbatim, and here it is...

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you that I am really sorry that I blamed you for alot of things. Um. I don't know, just... you know, it takes what it takes. But I just realized that it's not, that, it wasn't you. Ha. And thats, thats it. It's all I want to tell you. Have a good day, bye."

The Ha got me a bit, and as I replayed it to write it down it was the Ha that was kinda slipped in. She sounded sorry, the voice, the inflection, but that was it's purpose, I think. Pity play underneath, something must not be going according to her plan, so she reaches out to touch someone. And it was my turn. I've known it wasn't me for quite a while now. If she is earnestly taking responsibility for herself and her actions, then good for her. But the words in and of themselves mean nothing. I've sat on this for a few hours now and decided to post it here. I saw no reason for a response so made none to her. No need. I have my life back now, without her in it cept as the mother to our child. I feel her remark that it takes what it takes can be interpreted to mean, "I was just doing what a narc does, and will continue to do just that."

I really do wish her well now. It would be so much better for our daughter. And if the exwn can find some peace in her future life, that would be fine with me. But it will be her life, not our life. And I am not going to participate in her apologies, or in her recovery nor in her awarenesses, whatever they might be. I started the process of disengagement in 2010 by filing for and getting a final divorce decree. I have done my best to put it all to rest, and keeping my distance between us is the best way for me to take care of me. She never had my back, and the knowledge of that truth has set me free. It is not my job to fix her, or help her in her daily travails. I took that job on for many years, and it was exhausting, and it positioned me into a place where I was blamed for so much more than could be reasonable that looking back it is laughable. Such was my life. The end of suffering is ultimately a choice that each of us can make on our own, independent of anyone else, no matter how close they are emotionally or physically. We can decide for suffering to be over at any moment, and in each new moment the opportunity to make that choice comes again. If the Narc is living in the abyss, she can stay there without me. I spent my time down there in the darkness, and it is a grim grim place. No more.

The pain and disappointment is not in the front of my consciousness anymore. I don't wake up with her on my mind. Thoughts of her don't keep me awake throught the night. But when reminded, it isn't gone either. The grudge and resentment is mostly gone, but it will never be forgotten what she did to me...and in that there is no foundation of trust. There is no positive purpose that I can see in maintaining anything but distance from her.

I have come a long long way. My gut didn't convulse this morning when I heard the message. Writing this out didn't send me into any kind of hell. I didn't ask for nor want this message from her. She is usually absent from my thoughts entirely. Today experience showed me this again, and maybe I unknowingly needed it. I accept it and move on into the rest of my day!

ds

Oct 18 - 3AM
Costa
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exhausting

Oct 18 - 2AM
Sickofhim
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What a bizarre & twisted narc

Oct 17 - 9PM
no more an echo
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Done Sourcing, may I take a stab at translating this?

Oct 16 - 3PM
Journey
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Yay DS! Most excellent

Journey on...

Oct 16 - 3PM
kollontai77
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.

Oct 16 - 1PM
shock and awe.some
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I want to be in the place you are DS

Oct 16 - 12PM
IncognitoBurrito
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What

Oct 16 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
Done sourcing
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I posted this in the all

Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
Juliette
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I want to be you when I grown up :)

Oct 16 - 12PM
brinamarie
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Sounds like youre at peace w

Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Done sourcing
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You are right on with the

Oct 16 - 12PM
Darlene
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She never had my

Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Done sourcing
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There was that time she

Oct 16 - 12PM
Hunter
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Great post DS!! OXOX

Oct 16 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
round3
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Hey DS! your post

Oct 16 - 12PM
Deidre99
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Her supply well must be very