violent towards my Narc

when I was younger... Wow yes. We didnt hit eachother but we pushed shoved grabbed you name it. I had never been like that before.

They make you crazy. That's how they justify it. You act like a nut then try turn it around and blame you. Just get away from him. NC,NC,NC Idealk

Oh, I wanted to add about the violence that often THEY enjoy bringing us to that point, meanwhile being totally calm themselves. It's really scary how mine did not react at all most of the time. Total control.

Yes, it is crazy-making what they do. I smacked and punched and clawed at mine, smashed his car windshield, pulled out the flowers I planted in his flowerbox, broke his flowerpots, screamed and swore at him in the street, you name it. We become like animals, cornered, trapped, driven to defend what little we feel we have left. I felt exactly like an animal. I was never violent towards anyone in my life until him. Not even my ex husband, who physically abused me. You have to walk away before it kills you. Before you get hurt or end up in jail. We had three incidents where the police came. I am convinced he was trying to get me locked up in the end.

You're being pushed in every manner to breaking point by all kinds of emotional & physical abuse. As Briseis describes so well, you're not GOING crazy but the abuse you're enduring is "crazy making." And HELL yes, it happened to me. I lived with my ex for 5 years, during which time I developed a list of things that mortified me: - slapped him in the face, hard - punched him in the face - tried to physically, literally kick him out of my house on several occasions - threw a saucepan at his head [missed] - threw a glass bottle at his head [missed again] - threw an ashtray at his head [again, missed....] - tried to knee him in the balls [missed AGAIN - doesn't work like in the movies I discovered] - almost run him over trying to drive my car away from him [more than once] He had a huge fear of abandonment & when upset [usually drunk] or angry [also usually drunk] he'd start a fight & then barricade me in rooms / block doorways & keep yelling at me for hours, literally hours & eventually I'd just get so worked up like a caged animal & I'd lash out. Never did much good, he was a lot stronger than me, had plenty of practise from bar brawls & gave as good as he got. And it was almost like my ineffectiveness to take control of my own physical environment enraged me more & I'd try to lash out more. I'd be a screaming banshee & he'd just be holding my wrists behind my back, rendering me completely helpless. The next day though I'd be so mortified & guilt stricken by what I had done that I'd apologise profusely - and very afraid that I'd lost control in such a way. I thought I was going mad or just plain bad; I've never been like that before & I can't even kill cockroaches. But in some of those moments I plain wanted to kill him. I'm sending as much love & strength your way as I can. Ava xxxo

I have not been on the site long, nor away from my ex narc BF for long, only 2 mos and Im no expert. Plus he and I have still had contact. Its been rough. For me, I am experiencing a huge amount of frustration, anger and rage from being associated with the narc. He cannot relate to my feelings (except his own) and lacks empathy or understanding for how his behavior has effected me, the blaming, I could go on and on. But you see, HE is the one who is CRAZY, not me. I would suspect this is the same with you. I cursed out a cashier who was really rude to me last night at the grocery store. My son said mom, calm down. then I cried the whole way home. So, I can relate to your feelings. Unfortunately, I do believe even texting him back has led to this for me. Not sure if you and ur narc are together, sounded like it but wasnt sure. When I was with my narc, i did learn to shut out alot of his behavior, primarily by learning not let his words have so much power. I also attend a 12 step program, al anon, which helped a great deal to keep the focus on me. One of their sayings works great for me. The three C's: Didnt Cause it, cant Cure it and cant Control it, I applied this to the narc crazy behavior and it helped alot. Just know you arent crazy, just pushed to the edge like you said. Hope this helps...G

Yes, you are getting "crazy" being around his abuse and violence and stress. Yes, it has happened to me. Are you GOING crazy, and going to be lost?? Hell no. You have to do what you know you have to do, you have to get rid of him, and you'll return to normal. I hit my exN in the side of the head with my fist when he tried to strangle me. He didn't try very hard but I hit him as hard as I could. I was washing dishes and he came home after a two week absence and refused to explain WTF was going on. So I picked up a heavy sauce pan, walked into the bedroom where he was pretending to sleep and threw it at him as hard as I could. I left a huge gauge on his shin, and ruined my good sauce pan. He would threaten to hit me or kill me and I would get in his face and tell him to do it, call him a p*ssy and dare him. One time I did this when he was threatening me with a claw hammer. Major, major stupid but I was not caring about "stupid" then, my rage was out of control. I didn't shrink in fear from him, I was going to die in a fight to the death with him. I called him every foul name and description I could come up with, and I can get pretty creative with words. I tried so hard to smash him. And I won't even kill spiders or bugs in my house. I was becoming a mess and violent and it scared me :( At the time I didn't know if I wasn't allowing permanent mental and emotional damage to happen to me. I was with him for seven years. You know what you need to do, and you've found the perfect sisterhood of folks who want to help you and will be here for you :) You don't have to live like this. I'm living proof, as are many many others here :)

I have punched , kicked , bite , slapped and scratch the narc and do you know what im not bothered i did it , he was 6 foot and built well , i am 5 foot 3 and small . When i think back on the occasions when this happened i had been pushed to the end of human endurence .. i have never hit or the above anyone before ... maybe my brother when i was a kid but he use to push the same buttons i think , again he was older and uglyer (love him really )... It scares me so much that this man did this to me and another reason i keep nc . My narc would make mother teresa loose controle . I have history on my side to know that i am not violent and another reason why i know i was dealing with a personality disorder , i have had loads of men in my life and i havnt once wanted to hit any of them . Phew at the end i was so out of controle it makes me shudder , but also i know that i dont think he cared on bit that i lashed out , it was probably good supply for him ... When he hit me though i was bruised from my breasts all the way up to my arms and i never ut a finger on him ... in fact the reason he lost it on me was because i wanted a hug , when the next day i asked him why he hit me he said "look Scoop if i wanted to have hurt you i could had " .... i printed that statment out and put it on my fridge for the first few weeks of NC it helped me to focus ... Big Love and dont be hard on youre self ,we where dealing with huge stress at the time , so much stress you dont really understand how much untill you have a while nc xx