Your story sounds very very similar to mine. yep I was one of those people that never took shit from anyone. I also got sold down the road by a therapist who still had daddy issues. This was when the DV started. He had reasons that the therapist handed him on a fricking silver platter. Every timed it happened I swore that was it, but because of being financially attached to him I was always looking for a way out. I couldn't even tell my family or friends what was happening because none of them would EVER believe what I was putting up with. When they finally did find out they were all completely stunned. They just kept saying "Not you, not you of all people".
It was when I found out that he had attacked my daughter on a sexual level that I went into what I could only describe as a complete psychotic breakdown. I could not even trust myself to see him because I knew I would attack him. He did not go through with raping her, if he had, one of us would be dead now, I have no doubts about that.
After all that, the physical abuse may be bad, but it is still nothing compared to what is done to your head.
If I knew then what I know now, I never would have gone to therapy WITH HIM. Because it did just reload his entitlement card as far as his childhood abuse was concerned, and give him new skills to work with.
I hear what you say about the physical blows being easier to overcome in some respects. In my thirty one year stretch I was pushed once, and choked once. Both were moments you can point a finger at, rare occassions with only a brief interlude between cause an effect.
When the distance between cause and effect is weeks, months, and maybe even years, now you're connecting a bunch of seemingly unrelated dots on a blackboard to try and prove you're not crazy.
I can see how discovering what he did to your daughter would have brought you to your knees. I'm so sorry both you and your daughter had to endure that kind of pain.
My aunt was murdered when she was nine months pregnant. My father physically abused me for a very brief time (until my mom found out) when I was younger. These things left a lasting impression on me.
When I was in grade school I was mocked for being a good, smart, quiet student. That I could put up with. One day two boys from our class came up behind a friend of mine and me while we were walking home and shoved us violently. I pummeled them until they hit the ground (don't worry, they were wearing parkas). They left me alone after that.
Once a boyfriend put a handcuff on one of my hands. I told him to take it off me. He refused. I told him once more, and he refused. I told him he had ten seconds to take it off or I was going to use my other hand to MAKE him take it off me. He didn't. He had bruises on him for a few days.
I have NEVER allowed physical violence against me or anyone else, and I have only retaliated when attacked first.
And now I will never let anyone abuse me emotionally again, either.
ETA: My mom is the strongest person I have ever known. She has told boyfriends that if they ever hurt me, she was going to make their lives a living hell. I got a lot of her fiery spirit from her. She never did understand why I put up with my ex-N. She said I never put up with emotional crap from guys before him. But she'd be the first to tell you that if he had ever laid a hand on me in a violent manner, I would have broken it.
I am truely sorry for what happened to your aunt. that's aweful.
I didn't mean to offend you with what i wrote. I think I was more defending myself. I am feisty myself ( i get that from my grandmother) and many times wiht my first N i fought back. I just never left. Not my proudest story. I only recently told my grandmother the things that happened while I was with him and she was appalled and shocked I stayed 7 years. And so was I.
Again, sorry if I offended you. I was more defending myself.
Hope there is no hard feelings:)
I wasn't offended at all. I was just trying to explain that I do draw hard lines when it comes to certain things. If my ex had ever called me a name, I would have been out of there for that, too. Mine was just so subtle in his abuse, and I didn't listen to my gut.
I like feisty women! The world needs more of us, right? ;)
You are one of my favorite people here. How could I possibly have hard feelings against you?
Very glad you weren't offended:)
and yes, the world needs more of us.
and less psychos.
oh, and after reading what you did to the school kids and your ex boyfriend....i have a new appreciation for your username:)
I'm actually a very peaceful person. I take bugs outside instead of killing them, I'm a vegetarian, etc. But I also take martial arts and weapons and wouldn't hesitate to defend myself or anyone else. I'm a walking contradiction, I swear.
No, not the martial arts, but I grew up with brothers and learned to defend myself. I'm both proud and ashamed to admit that the three fist fights I got into with boys my age when I was a pre-teen, they started but I finished.
I was talking about putting the bugs outdoors.
I'm so sorry to read about your Aunt and the abuse you suffered from your father, however brief.
Glad you weren't offended if I came off sounding defensive.
MovingOnUp
Nevergoback
Hi NancyM
Well, let's put it this way
I am truely sorry for what
No, not at all!
k good!
LOL Thanks
Bugs outside
?
Ninja