Very sad tonight...saw the N at a party...I ruined things with a new guy...wth???

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#1 Jan 8 - 11PM

Deidre99

Very sad tonight...saw the N at a party...I ruined things with a new guy...wth???

I will give details tomorrow. I'm going to bed to cry now. Suffice to say, a friend of my N and me...had a party. I didn't think N would be there. He was. He came up to me. I was actually fine and in good spirits. He asked to go back out with me. WTF?? Are you serious? I laughed, looked at him and said...um, we're done. Have you lost your mind?

He went on and on about how no one will measure up to me...I'm funny...bla bla...

I said, that is very well true. (we laughed) But...we're done. I said, it's been done for a while, and we should have left it alone last summer.

He said...well, maybe I'll just have to chase you. I said nothing, and walked away. If this man starts pursuing me again. So help me Lord! This was the last thing I thought I'd ever have to deal with again...him asking me out again. He has shown zilch interest...and since the goodbye letter...here we go again. *eye roll*

Then, a guy recently has taken an interest in me. We met last year, but I was so wrapped up with the asshole, that I didn't give this guy the time of day. He's also in his 20's. Ladies, I'm 40. I look younger, but come on. I'm not a cougar. haha This guy likes that I'm 40. Maybe right there, is part of the problem. :O

Anyways...He wrote me an email today...we just IM'd. He said ONE WRONG THING...and I said...I have to go. He was like...I'm sorry, what did I say? I was just like...It's not you. I just need to go.

Now...am *I* going to turn into an asshole because I dealt with one for so long? I'm crying as I type this. I'm so sad right now. There was no reason for me to behave like that tonight.

I don't trust men.

Thx for listening. I'll be back on tomorrow to explain more.

#2 Jan 10 - 4AM

ImStrong

Deidre is there away you can

Deidre is there away you can kind of hold off from mutual friends until you heal a bit ..especially mutual friends parties because you know what the Narc will be there lurking.. And what did the new guy say that turned you off.. Was it a red flag..if you don't mind can you share with us.. Maybe its a bit to early for you to strt dating..this is your time now..your time to be alone and savor What your going through is perfectly normal..as soon as I dupped the Narc in my head and begain NC..Men all started buzzing around me like flies..its like they can smell a freshly broken heart.. It was disgusting..I attracted more n than a Psycoloogist.. It didn't make sense.. Hope all is well..Hugs

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#3 Jan 9 - 10PM

Briseis

D, sounds like it is just

D, sounds like it is just "too soon". Your heart is still bruised and your gut is still throwing temper tantrums at the very thought of intimacy. Ya gotta respect that as it's going on inside of you. I seriously doubt you can override it anyway, it's going to rise up and knock you down if you push ahead and ignore it. When you have a patch of new skin on you, all you need is the air to breeze across it and it hurts. Your heart is covered with new skin. It needs time to toughen up, you need time to heal. It just hasn't been long enough yet. You said in another post that you wished you'd never written that goodbye letter against the advice given here. Well here's some more you might not enjoy following at first either :P Give yourself a few months without dating or hooking up? That's not forever. If you find that you just CAN'T, don't WANT to even wait a few months, something ain't right. Whether it's an unconscious belief you ain't NOTHING without a man or incomplete without a man or fear of loneliness, you are running from something. You have a strong faith that you know you can rely on. Apply it here. You are in early NC, and it takes a few weeks to actually get in touch with most of what is going on inside of you. There are things going on inside of you that you have yet to get in touch with. Trust me on this. Look how much has already occurred to you so far! By no means is it over! Be kind to yourself. Giving yourself a break in the dating/relationship department is the kindest thing you could do for yourself. If you find yourself resisting this, then ask yourself why and embrace the answer, it is your best friend :)

#4 Jan 9 - 3AM

Scotchy71

deidre99

Oh that's terrible, you're doing really well though, try not to let this be much of a setback...he's proved once again he can't be trusted or believed. It's all a challenge to these morons, they just love playing the game...pull her in, push her away - for their own satisfaction and amusement. You're showing so much strength and for that you should be incredibly proud of yourself. It's amazing these parasites expect us just to forget and go in for another round of abuse, don't go there, better things are coming your way....just not in the shape of the ghost who was....xxx

#5 Jan 8 - 11PM

Lisa E. Scott

Deidre

Oh, I'm sorry you had to see him at the party tonight and he was so relentless trying to persuade you to give him another chance. It is very triggering. The good news is that you know better now and will not fall in that trap again. Don't beat yourself up for being short with the younger guy. No real harm done, I imagine. I mean, they always love it more when we're a challenge. I'm sure you can smooth things over with him tomorrow. xoxo

#6 Jan 8 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

Deidre99

Thank you Lisa very much. I

Thank you Lisa very much. I think I will leave the other guy alone. He deserves someone who is whole. He actually recently divorced, so think it's best. But, it still bugs me. That I'm seeking or searching for someone to be a jerk. That's it. Like he said such nice things about me. And I kept saying really? And he said...'why don't you believe me?' And I was struck. Struck that I don't believe him. How much easier it is to believe all the bad things the N said about me. :=( Ugh. Gosh, this makes me sad. Omg.

#7 Jan 9 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

Janet

Hope your day goes ok. I

Hope your day goes ok. I think being alone and getting well is a really good idea. When you have your whole, strong, happy self to the plate again, who knows what qualities you may be interested in. : ) Peace. J

Peace. J

#8 Jan 9 - 9PM (Reply to #7)

Deidre99

I appreciate this...and

I appreciate this...and thank you a well scotchy. I did not speak with him today at all. No email. Haven't heard from him. I made the colossal mistake of checking his facebook...and here is his latest update...''don't you love when you try to be nice to an old flame, and they refuse to accept it?'' (I unblocked it, yes...I know...I know) I am going to vomit. wth is he saying? I want this man out of my life. Out of my head. I was doing well. I'm mad at my friend. I told him...''If I had known you'd be here, I wouldn't have come.'' He replied...''I knew you'd be here, and that's why I decided to come.'' and he laughed. Why is he doing this? This man does NOT love me. Does not anything me. Why he is stirring the pot???? And add insult to injury. I sent an apology email to the other guy...and NOTHING. He never wrote back. So, I blew that. I'm not heartbroken. There are some red flags with him...plus he's TOO YOUNG! LOL Thanks for listening to me ladies. I'm rambling, I know. *hugs* and may you all have a good week out there!

#9 Jan 9 - 1AM (Reply to #3)

prettypeeved

Explain?

Is it not possible to simply explain to the new guy about the narc? If he's really interested he will want to help you heal, surely?

#10 Jan 9 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

Deidre99

it's not really something I

it's not really something I want to pursue...

#11 Jan 9 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

MsVulcan500

Diedre,

This thing with the new young guy is probably just a sign that you're not ready yet. It takes time before you can trust men (and yourself) again. Take care of yourself, and when you are ready, the right man will find you.

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