User Names.......All Forum Members Please read

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#1 Aug 29 - 10AM

betty2020

User Names.......All Forum Members Please read

Its been brought to our attention that when our user name is Googled it directs you to our site. If there is anyone that is concerned for privacy issues and would like to have their names changed please send me an email and i will do so promptly. Please make sure that your new forum name is non-recognizable to any parties that may know you. We sincerely apologize for inconvenience or stress this causes and will be sure all new members will be aware of this issue prior to signing up.

#2 Aug 30 - 9AM

betty2020

Just as a side note: I

Just as a side note: I would recommend that anyone that is concerned for their security or privacy change all passwords outside our forum as welll; such as your private email acct, bank accts, phone company accts, social network sites or anything that requires a password IF the narcissist has knowledge of your user names or passwords. This is a precaution you should take immediately upon exit. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#3 Aug 30 - 7AM

Goldie

Out of the Darkness and into the Light

I for one am done living with the lies, the darkness, and am coming back into the light, the truth. I have no problem posting my story and my perceptions on here and have remained mindful in what I post in terms of hurting myself or another. We must always exercise caution when posting on an open forum. I follow the laws of the land in regard to what I post. I will not incriminate myself or say anything that would constitute a legally inappropiate portrayal of another. I went to hell with this man and I am back again. I have myself back. I have a new lease on life and I will do whatever it takes to assure that I do not go back to living that way with him or any new Narcs in the future. I will also do whatever it takes to help others who are ready and willing to STOP THE INSANITY!!! I will continue to post as I always have in my journey to heal from this hellish experience and become the strong confident woman God intended me to be. I relish and bask in the knowledge that possibly my words and my healing process may help even one other person out there who is still suffering from the trama of life with a Narc. I will not be silenced and will not live in fear. The truth will set me free and I will continue to tell the truth about what this man did to me and how it hurt me and what I had to do to get him out of my life. How I maintain NC and how I am making my way back into the light where I will eventually shine again and leave this pathetic selfish excuse of a human being behind in his own murky, dark, self defeating, maggot parisitic existance. The light shinning on his darkness is what exposes his lies and disengages his power source and his supply. The truth is like water to the witch in The Wizard of OZ. The truth causes him to shrivel up and disappear. He does not need to know all of this I do. I am the one who needed to remove my blinders and see this thing for what it is and not my sugar coated, fantacy, wishful thinking, la la land version. The truth will set me free, screw him and what he needs. I don't care about his sorry selfish ass in that way anymore. I would rather help a stranger on the street get back on their feet again than him any day of the week. I see no reason to change what is working for me on here and may help others. I strongly suggest caution when posting and always always always protect yourself and your indentity if you need to or want to do this. I do not care anymore if people know who I am. This is a part of my story. This is who I am and where I came from and it is in the recovery from lifes darkest momments, when we feel our weakest and most broken, that we become closer to reaching our true potential as leaders of our own destiny. No longer anyone's victim or puppet. Screw that, no one is going to pull my strings or yank my chain like that EVER AGAIN. I like that it's an open forum. I am not ashamed of myself and what I have been through. I loved this man with all my heart. I gave to him everything I had to give. I wanted to spend my life with him and grow old together. I was honest, faithful, loving, generous, and a damn good friend to him. It is he who should live in shame, not me. It is he who hides behind his lies, cruelty, manipulation, and wickedness, not I. I will hide the truth no more. God bless, Goldie

#4 Aug 30 - 11PM (Reply to #27)

Lisa E. Scott

Goldie

I agree with you faithinthefuture, we should put Goldie's post in our workbook! This is great advice! "I will not be silenced and will not live in fear. The truth will set me free and I will continue to tell the truth about what this man did to me and how it hurt me and what I had to do to get him out of my life. How I maintain NC and how I am making my way back into the light where I will eventually shine again and leave this pathetic selfish excuse of a human being behind in his own murky, dark, self defeating, maggot parisitic existance. The light shinning on his darkness is what exposes his lies and disengages his power source and his supply. The truth is like water to the witch in The Wizard of OZ. The truth causes him to shrivel up and disappear." I believe we can reach more people by leaving the forum open. As I mentioned yesterday, there are soooo many people that read here for weeks or months before signing-up to contribute their thoughts. There is a huge need out there for the collective wisdom and experience of this group! As long as we use forum names that protect our identity, we should be fine. If anyone adamantly disagrees, we can keep the discussion open. Don't be afraid to speak up. Thanks. xoxo

#5 Aug 30 - 7PM (Reply to #26)

faithinthefuture

Goldie

I fricking love what you said! "I like that it's an open forum. I am not ashamed of myself and what I have been through. I loved this man with all my heart. I gave to him everything I had to give. I wanted to spend my life with him and grow old together. I was honest, faithful, loving, generous, and a damn good friend to him. It is he who should live in shame, not me. It is he who hides behind his lies, cruelty, manipulation, and wickedness, not I. I will hide the truth no more." We know the truth and I don't care if no one believes me or wants to pretend he's not who he is. I lived with him and I KNOW! I'm not ashamed at what I have to say becuz I know I am not the crazy one! He is! and anyone who wants to believe him can kiss my ass! You can have him! I sure as hell don't want him! Lisa if it's ok with Goldie I think this would be awesome to put in your book! God Bless & Thank You!

#6 Aug 30 - 12AM

betty2020

I would like to ask all

I would like to ask all forum members to not be alarmed with this issue. We are aware of this and this is why we are taking measures of changing those user names that the narc or affiliates would know about. Using names such as previous password names you have used from other sites, emails, accounts etc....that your Narc, family or friends are aware of would be reason to change your user name. They will not find you on the site if you use something random that they would never think of or know about. I used Betty2020 and this is a name that no one has ever seen or heard me use for anything ever! Only here. They will not be directed to this site if they type in your real name, NPD or anything related. So please do not be triggered or alarmed by this. We are taking all steps necessary to insure everyone safety and protect their privacy. However we also do not want to make this out to be something that it simply is not. I will do my best to make these name changes and delete posts but this is an arduous process and takes some time. Your patients is appreciated. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#7 Aug 29 - 10PM

helldweller

names

I had wondered, too, if mine would find me by Googling NPD out of curiosity because I have accused him of it several times. Like most of us, there would be no mistaking my guy if he read the stuff I've written!

#8 Aug 29 - 11PM (Reply to #23)

betty2020

he will not find you by

he will not find you by Googling NPD. Try not to be alarmed by this. Everything is fine. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#9 Aug 29 - 10PM

gettinbetter

oh geez Betty. Suddenly Im

oh geez Betty. Suddenly Im feelin kinda sick at they thought that really anyone can read these posts. It there anyway to delete some of the more specific ones? Hopefully there is a way to "lock down this forum to members only" Suddenly Im really getting the creeps...

#10 Aug 29 - 11PM (Reply to #21)

betty2020

Please honey dont let this

Please honey dont let this trigger you or cause panic. I really do not believe that you are in any danger of being exposed on this site. I wanted to make sure that all forum members were aware that when their forum name is googled it directs you to the site. If your name is not known by the narcissist or any of his counterparts/ family/ friends then they will not find you here. It would be like searching for the needle in the haystack. I just want everyone to be mindful of the names that they are choosing so we dont have any issues of this if they use a name that is familiar to the Narc. If he has no reference to your name he will not google it. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#11 Aug 29 - 10PM

Susan32

Not my real name

Since the ex-P sabotaged my job a decade ago (I was accused of being "dangerous to children", and even my liberal-minded therapist simply calls that evil),I'm using a false name here. I chose the name of one of the strongest heroines in the Narnia series! I don't think my private email address and real name are searchable through Google,are they?

#12 Aug 29 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

betty2020

Not in connection to this

Not in connection to this forum. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#13 Aug 29 - 5PM

Kelly

I changed my name for this reason

I had a name that was unique, so I changed it to something common that would not be directly traceable with a google search. I wish there was a way to have our posts completely hidden from google searches.

#14 Aug 29 - 4PM

betty2020

Thank you for all the posts

Thank you for all the posts on this issue. I will check with Lisa to see if we can have a private forum area in the site and how this can work to still reach out to the newcomers on the board that needs to see the public posts as an identifying factor to bring them to our community. I really feel that if we make sure that our forum names are unidentifiable to anyone that knows us that this should not be an issue. We have never had an experience where people come to our forum just to read and see if they may recognize someone to include the Narcs. The few cases of security issues involved the Narc finding this information thru reading the victims emails or gaining access to their computers. I will try to find out if we can have a private members only however this will not stop a person from requesting permission to enter this private members area if they are determined to find out information. We are growing by leaps and bounds now on our site...Yeahhhh! and having the ability to screen everyone is impossible. We ask that you help us in protecting your identity by not using names that would throw a red flag to the public. This is our best means of defense in the long term. lot of love.... Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#15 Aug 29 - 4PM

janine

Area for forum members

I've thought about the fact that anyone can read anything. It's the reason I do not post my story, because my ex reads lots of websites about NPD. I guess quite a few do. A private area might help a bit, because such people could be too lazy to become a member. If not, there is nothing to stop them, and I guess we all have to live with that.

#16 Aug 29 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

betty2020

I am curious janine , You

I am curious janine , You said that your ex reads alot about NPD. Is this the Narc you are referring to? Or an ex husband? Most narcs have no interest in NPD. They find it utterly ridiculous to waste time reading about a disorder that they feel they do not have or that they find is an asset vs a liability. So I would like to know more about who your referring to and if it is the narc could you share more on this subject. It is a different perspective and i feel its valuable knowledge that would be helpful in further research. Thank you...xoxo Betty. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#17 Aug 30 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

janine

betty 2020

Yes, it is my narcissistic ex I mentioned. He is what's called a disguised N (self-doubts, depressed, negative). Years ago he had a bad breakdown. The diagnoses was NPD plus some borderline and paranoia. He left the psychiatric hospital before it could be confirmed (though it is definitely correct)and did not go back for treatment. Which is typical of NPD, just using others including me to get better. It was not the first time he had seen a psychiatrist. They knew him, because he had gone there for treatment before including one for imminent danger of suicide. Since my ex trusted me implicitly, he has been quite open with me. That's how I know he reads a lot about NPD on the internet, he has discussed some. Unfortunately it is not going to help him, because he does this in a passive way. Meaning it feeds his ego. For a covert N negative input is what he's been used to all his life. So he regards it as confirmation that his cruel parents ruined him beyond hope as a kid and his self-pity gets kicked up. Knowing him he might also use that knowledge to hide what he is some more, though it won't work for long. I hope this has answered your question, Betty. I do not feel disloyal to him telling you this, because it is anonymous. And I really have done what I could to help him and he thanked me for it all, when I left him. Sadly, the therapists agreed that NPD can hardly be cured, because the grandiosity inside will prevent it.

#18 Aug 30 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

betty2020

Thank you for this janine,

Thank you for this janine, I hope i understand. So he uses his diagnosis as a means to justify his cruel and bizarre behaviors? I guess i have never heard of a Disguised N. I will have to research this. They all have some elements of self pity and insecurities. This must be the extreme case. Their overly confident self is what helps them get supply. It is rare that the Narcissist would take up so much interest in this disorder because they generally have no concern with how this has affected others or themselves for that matter. There methods work to get them the supply they need for survival. They tend to not see this disorder as a negative or a liability even if professionally diagnosed. For the most part they are proud of the fact that they are semidetached from the world. They consider this healthy self esteem to an extreme a sign of great strength and superiority. Survival of the fittest and they are the strongest predator in the jungle. Using this as a pity ploy opens them up for exposure; their biggest fear. I can see their methodology in this but i do believe this is somewhat rare as it would make it difficult to obtain future supply. Is this narc you speak of cerebral or somatic? Im sorry but you have really caught my interest in this. We can chat off the board if you want. I am just very interested in this different sub species of Narc. Please dont think i am second guessing what he is dear, i just feel it is important to know more about this type and their methods and tactics. Educational purposes only...xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#19 Aug 30 - 3PM (Reply to #15)

janine

betty2020

Of course I understand why you are interested in this. I have tried to explain a bit on the other thread. You are right, he uses the diagnoses to justify his acting. Well, he IS a narcissist, and that is what they do. Feel free to ask me anything you want, whether it is here or via email.

#20 Aug 30 - 10AM (Reply to #12)

betty2020

Thank you again...These are

Thank you again...These are the more rare of the species so i guess this one flew right by me...lol. I am so glad you brought this to my attention. I will be reading a lot more on them. I put up a post about it too so please add any insight you can since you have had direct dealings with this type... luv ya...xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#21 Aug 30 - 11AM (Reply to #13)

Used

betty2020

the n reads up on narcissism, mental illness, socipaths, psycopaths, this was in conversation, even before i knew there was such a thing as the net, he has diagnosed himself with every label going and some of the things he used to say to me, sounded like he was reading a book, oh and books as well. he has been called a psycopath during arguments with people, he wasent pleased. so he knows something is amiss, just didnt try to change. but since ive been on internet, i relized a lot of what he said to was quotes, for instince,[ i feel like the boy in the bubble], [i feel like i should show empathy when i said what does that mean, he didnt know what to say, he defames his mother all the time, he even said, after i said to him, why do you love yourself so much, he said if i dont who will. he reads up like he is on a mission, he, i know is addicted to porn. women , and useing them, and he does it so well, so basicly, he knew there was something, but until the internet, he now feels validated in fact i would go so far to say it made him feel even more special. he would go on every mental health site he could find. i think it made him worse. i am so glad i got out.he is a narc thru and thru and proud of it. lets hope it takes him into hell,b/c some demon looks after him. he also said he has no feelings, well if you have no feelings, where does, jealousy, possiveness, wanting to hurt people,greed, nontop crying ,lying if you had no feelings, surely you wouldnt care about anything.if i have no feelings about someone, for instance a person, i wouldnt care about them, i wouldnt be jealous possivive, i wouldnt care, they just wouldnt exsist, and this is what i never understand. a doorhandle has no feeling, even my shrink said he is still human.lol to add he,s an aggresive,obvious n, when i read up about it, he is not covert or disguised in the beginning the charm was there, but i still knew he was an arsehole, and unfortuntly[haha] for him, he realy does look what he is. and i made him aware of it, how could he not know how he looks to other people, i suppose cos he gets woman he thinks he looks good, but his woman are every other mans women as well . what a catch.

#22 Aug 30 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

betty2020

It sounds as if he fits this

It sounds as if he fits this description. I think this sub-species (hope you dont mind that i refer to them as this), is a rare breed. Why is say this is because it contradicts the norm of a narcissist in that they are always on constant alert for supply. This would in fact make it difficult if he came out of the gate with these types of behaviors to secure supply. This is a different breed so to speak. I am going to do more research into this type. I hesitate to speak on this as i am not familiar with this. This i do understand however: "he also said he has no feelings, well if you have no feelings, where does, jealousy, possiveness, wanting to hurt people,greed, nontop crying ,lying if you had no feelings, surely you wouldnt care about anything.if i have no feelings about someone," Narcissists do have feelings. their feelings are jealousy (fear of loosing supply), envy (not getting what they feel they deserve), rage (not getting their demands met), greed (grandious idealization that they should be wealthy because they are special), lying (need to cover tracks to protect themselves from Narc injury). These feelings are solely based on their own selfish needs wants and desires. So do they have feelings yes....just not for you or for anyone else, only themselves. A person would have to posses the emotion of empathy in order to have feelings of "love", that we all have struggled to find in them. It simply is not there. It will never be there. I will be looking closer at this type and i truly thank you guys for bringing this to light for me... many more discussions on this to come..xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#23 Aug 29 - 1PM

faithinthefuture

betty

I was and still am so thankful I found this board. But I too wonder if I could get here and read everything and not be a member(which means I couldn't respond until I was) then everyone else can read what's being said. i'm not in jeopardy like other women here but the thought anyone(esp N) could come to the website and read what we all talk about gives me the creeps!

#24 Aug 29 - 12PM

wholeagain

Private area?

Hi Betty, I noticed this too...and while my username doesn't say anything about my identity I do worry sometimes about what I say and if it will ever be recognizable or stumbled upon by the wrong person. Wondering if there's a way to have either private threads or an area that can only be read by members? I know we're trying to reach as many people as possible and not everyone's comfortable signing up. But the privacy thing is appealing. My .02 anyway :)

#25 Aug 29 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

miinx

private forums

i agree - it would be very good to have a private, members only area where things can be posted. these areas of forums dont show on google - one would need to be logged in to access them. obviously there can still be some public areas, but a private option would be nice.

#26 Aug 29 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

Used

betty2020

i agree with minx

#27 Aug 29 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

Used

betty2020

i agree with wholeagain, and also how do we know who is genuine and who is not, can anyone get on here,

#28 Aug 29 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

onwithmylife

for Betty

hi Betty, would you let me know how I can change my name to something with less identification for this forum thanks. Libbisue

#29 Aug 29 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

betty2020

Contact me via

Contact me via email [email protected] only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

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