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Upcoming doctor visit with EXNH and our son - Need advice

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#1 Jan 22 - 9PM
abreva
abreva's picture

Upcoming doctor visit with EXNH and our son - Need advice

EXNH-psycho never did a THING regarding the kids, especially about Doctor visits.

Just before the custody settlement he ramped up this big woop about their EYES. Drama Drama - accusing me of not taking them to their appointment (LIE) not having their eyes screened (LIE) not getting their flu shot (LIE) and on and on. Even though it's entirely documented in their medical record that I DID all this. AND I took pictures! Geez.

So, drama drama. More drama.

He accuses me more of more non-sense, I ignore. More scenes, more ranting emails from him. I'm NC as much as humanly possible. YAY. Life is much better.

SO, this week he has drummed up more drama, probably based on LIES regarding our son and a medical appointment. I found out when it is, and I will attend.

HELP ME MANAGE IT.
HOW TO BE.

EXNH-psycho is also a doctor.

So, I show up to the appointment, right?
And I won't look him in the eye, right?
And I'll endure it, and will engage as little as possible.
And he will put on the whole great father, concerned parent routine, and be creepy, and the doctor will see through it, right?
And if he accuses me of b.s. - what do I do? Maintain eye contact with the doctor, and refute it pleasantly and calmly? Certainly these docs see this b.s. all the time.

I want to get through the thing unscathed.
I could NOT show up, but that opens the door to him saying manipulative things to the doc, which he has done in the past.

I want to protect my children from him, and I want to protect my ability to parent them.
He does have me scared, because he has done everything he has ever threatened to do to me, and has the means to continue punishing me with the legal system. And he really gets off on tormenting me. So, I guess, I should just appear NON-tormented?

Those of you with experience please coach me!

Jan 26 - 8PM
abreva
abreva's picture

Thank you for your comments.

GeorgiaGirl and Sparrow, Thank you so much for giving me such great advice. I'm really paying attention to you. A friend has agreed to attend the appointment as the witness. I'm going to ROCK IT, and I will report back. Thanks, Abreva
Jan 22 - 10PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

It's a sad day when a parent

It's a sad day when a parent uses their children as tools to torment the other parent. It is the children that suffer the most and is very unfortunate indeed. The best adviice that I could give you, is to attend these scheduled appointments with the doctors. Do not present yourself in a negative manner, no matter how difficult it is not to. Discuss with the doctor, your concerns and listen to the doctor. Do not engage in any way with their Father, stay calm, cool and collected. Doctors do often at times, pick up on the disordered, but not always. They have a gift of pretending to be something that they are not, and have fooled many a professional over the years. Do not concern yourself with him, concern yourself with the children. Please seek professional help for the children in regards to emotional care as well. Therapy for the children is essential for their well being also. If they are subjected to this constant struggle between their parents, it can do more damage than you can ever imagine. Remember, they love both of you, and they will struggle with issues of loyalty to each of you. The children are the ones that suffer the most in this whole sad affair. And the reality is, he will eventually find new supply, become bored with you and getting even with you, and the children will be left behind in some way, shape or form. whether physically or emotionally, and sometimes both. I am sorry that you are faced with these struggles. It's not fair to you or the children. Hold your head high, remain calm, and always keep a level head when it comes to rearing them. They need you to be strong, more than you will ever imagine. Good luck and please keep us posted.
Jan 22 - 10PM
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

First things first

Hopefully you have been documenting the hell out of everything that has to do with the children (it appears you are). N's are notoriously horrible at remembering/following thru on anything so your documentation will prove invaluable both to the doctor and to the court should N decide to drag you thru the muck. Pics are an awesome idea! Second, doctor's don't give a crap. I've been thru this repeatedly with exN#1...he has gone so far as to tell the doctors that he has sole custody of our children and give other misleading custodial information. The doctor only wants to do what is right for the patient, treat the issue, take your money and move on to the next room to meet their quota. That being said - YES, definitely go the appointment. Never miss an appointment if you can help it!! Ignore the N, do not give any eye contact and focus on the child and doctor. And write down everything the doctor says because if you are like me, my anxiety is rolling a mile a minute when I'm around N. My final suggestion is to take a friend or trusted relative with you. N's hate witnesses more than anything. A trusted friend or family member works as your adversary and witness for court as well. Both of my disordered ex's despise witnesses and have stopped attending doctor appts for this very reason. Your N seems to enjoy throwing his weight around and slathering himself in his own grandiosity. It sucks...I am with you on that front. The "super dad" routine grows old and the back-stabbing smear campaigns are awful. But you can do it! Be strong for your kids, ignore the idiot N's blathering and rock that doctor's appt!!