under his thumb's story

4 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Dec 8 - 9AM
under his thumb
under his thumb's picture

under his thumb's story

tired of the FOG...

i really don't know where to begin. i feel like i have been to hell and back several times over in the past year. i have gained a tremendous insight to myself and my spouse. when i finally made the decision that i could no longer live the lie i was living i had no clue what i was in store for. i did not realize at the time he was a N. i still would love to have him clinically diagnosed to rid me of the guilt of having to figure this out on my own. when i decided to leave i starting researching and reading about emotional abuse and came across more information than i could have expected. he has shown all the classic signs and it floors me daily that i didn't see it sooner. we have been together for 15 years and dated for 3 prior to getting married. although i had seen the red flags i choose to ignore them. i even had a restraining order on him when i tried to break up with him. but he promised me the world and i wanted so badly to believe him! we had issues prior to getting married but things sure when downhill after the i do's. the children have always been my responsibility. the house, bills, cooking, cleaning, shopping, meals, doctor's visits. i did it all while working full time and too exhausted to be able to ever enjoy any of it. i feel like i have been cheated of some of the best years of my life. all the while i tried my hardest, did my best to do all my "wifely" duties. now i am just pissed at the world. i have been amazed by the support of friends and family and how they say they can't believe it took me this long to be done with it. each day brings new challenges and new frustrations, but the bottom line is i can no longer live and do out of fear , obligation and guilt!!

Dec 8 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Well.. Welcome to Narcville..

Well.. Welcome to Narcville.. Join in on the fun.. Ok so it's not fun.. But sometimes we have fun here too.. Get to work.. NC for you .. If you have kids contact needs to be limited. Hunter
Dec 8 - 5PM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Welcome under his thumb

I am so sorry you had to have this experience. I stayed for 25 plus years and had lived in hell for all of those years with him. I am finally free of him and I have a peaceful and happy life. You will get there. Yes, it will not be easy but it is so worth it in the end. Peace!

victimnomore

Dec 8 - 9AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Under, welcome to the forum!

Under, welcome to the forum! Your suspicions and discovery that your husband of 15 years was a narc, is not that uncommon. I too, was married to a narc for 15 years. Mine was not so obvious however.......to anyone. He is what I like to refer to as a "sleeper cell" in the narc world. After he left, he was diagnosed by our therapist within minutes of their meeting. It was very obvious to the trained eyes and ears. You have a long road ahead of you, but the beauty of it is, your life will get easier, you will appreciate it more, for sure. Look at the last year, not with regret, look at it as a chapter in your life that has now ended and a new chapter is about to begin. Be excited for the new chapter! Be excited for what lies ahead of you once you have completed your recovery. The world is your oyster my friend, and good things lie ahead!