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ugh he resurfaces

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#1 Oct 12 - 1PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ugh he resurfaces

I kinda thought he might use the project to contact me.... after I didnt reply to his two emails over the weekend.
ironic how he went from being depressed over ME to now upbeat and back to working again....and had to make sure I knew he had other appointments this week. ( i will not react, but it was like opening an old wound- him making sure I knew that he had NO time for me)

so it seems that the third party involved is finally pushing and wondering what the delay is (there is a God!) probably because he needs to be paid already...ugh. so this is very close to being DONE... wohoooo.

but last I left it with the Narc he wanted me to come up with solutions for how we can get along....wtf.... he knows my health is not the best and why is it up to me to find solutions .... in todays email he asked me if I had come up with solutions ( the email really got to me, BUT i did not react...yeah for me) I can laugh at it now as im sure he expected me to lash out (afterall I am the nasty one, not him)
he came across as cold and demanding... as if it is his way or no way type of thing.

solution 1- that he realizes he is a Narc (not going to happen)

that is my one and only solution.

or 2) that he put the mask on and pretend again.

what gets me is now he could careless if i am even in his life or not.... the key to all of this is that....before there were never arguments as he was quick to apologize... that stopped happening.

i have to shake this off- and just let things play out .... not let my emotions get in the way of getting this done.
but i have to say it hurts knowing that he could carless. and is now out and about living his life.

Oct 12 - 11PM
ally2375
ally2375's picture

Destiny

I don't know the details of your story, so judge for yourself if you think I've hit the mark. But, I think he's fishing. Here's what I see in what you wrote: 1) He acts depressed (you don't bite, switches bait) 2) He sends two emails (you don't bite, switches bait) 3) He acts all happy and busy (you don't bite, switches bait) 4) He delays project (you don't bite, switches bait) 5) He appeals to your sense of fairness by asking for a "solution" (you don't bite, but it's starting to get to you) My heart goes out to you for having to still deal with him. I worked with mine, and these are the kind of antics he pulled. IMO, it's all game-playing designed to get a reaction. Because if he can get you to react, it proves you still care on some level. And THAT feeds his inner need for validation. Doesn't matter if you yell or cry or cuss or sweet talk; if he gets a reaction, he gets a payoff. I think you're on the right track when you say you need to shake it off. WE know this is getting to you, but HE doesn't. Don't teach him which bait is most effective or he'll never let up. Good luck. :) Ally
Oct 12 - 9PM
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Destiny...

2 years is too long. You are NEVER going to be able to even BEGIN to heal if you do not let this go. Seriously, honey, there has to be a point when enough is enough. The solution has nothing to do with him, you know this. This sounds harsh, I know, but how long do you want to be stuck in the place you are? 2 years. That's an awful long time. Time to walk away, Destiny. Fuck the project, there must be something better you can spend your time on. It's time, honey. Seriously consider letting it go. You are your own worst enemy in this. Xoxo
Oct 12 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

'unfreakinrea' where did you

'unfreakinrea' where did you get 2 years????? im confused. and notice you appear when hunter does.. look guys both of you done with the tag team games. hunter please dont reply to my posts thanks
Oct 12 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

I think you misunderstand my intention.

I see you have been on this site for 2 years, that's where I got it from. And nothing I say is meant to be hurtful. But I am confused that you say it is the project but it sounds like it's a whole lot more. It's my opinion, take it as you will. I know it hurts, believe me, I do. To me, it seems you are torturing yourself over someone that is not a positive influence in your life. I just don't see a reason to do this to yourself if you don't have to.
Oct 12 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

??

Can I ask a question?? It's been three months since you last became angry with me! What type of project is this?? Are you re building the World Trade Center?? I realize Rome wasn't built in a day but my goodness!! Destiny what are your plans to move forward? maybe make it a " project " to make some life changes! When this project does end.. What excuse to make contact will you use to stay in Narcville?? Hunter
Oct 12 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hunter- it is a project in

Hunter- it is a project in narcville- and a lesson to me an everyone on how a Narc can manipulate so many..... believe me everyone involved is at their wits end with this narc,because of all the manipulation and delays... BUT he is so emeshed... that firing him is not an option. ( I cant go into details here publicly) I looked into that...he even quit a few times...and we all just shudder..and then he returns again after he throws a tantrum. heck even my friends and aquaintances keep saying it is NOT done yet what the heck.... it gets rather embarassing...and this is not a work thing, that is all i can say publicly. this is not an excuse to keep in contact with him, not on my end, but I do think it is on his end. because i made the mistake months ago.. when i didnt want to believe he was a narc that we would be done once the project is thru. I have sat up many nites consulted with others on what to do...it is too far gone now to bring in someonelse....do I regret involving him months ago.. sure do. he may actually walk away again... this time all involved will let him do so. I need my life back already... and I get madder each day this lingers on... my health is not the best either and all of this is just really difficult. frustrating because if the 3rd party wasnt delayed this would have been done last month! I still remember my stomach sinking when I got that news. everything was in place and I thought by now I would be free :/ and i could put this chapter of my life behind me. it is a living narcmare!
Oct 12 - 2PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Him realizing he is a narc

Him realizing he is a narc unfortunately is not a solution. Whether he admits he is a narc or not, will not change his behavior.......... As far as him caring less about you, he could care less about anyone, including himself. He is a crippled man, never to be reformed. He will live a life of denial until his last dying breath. Hopefully he is just a memory to you when that day comes.
Oct 12 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
Layla
Layla's picture

I don't want to duplicate posted advice...

....but can I chime in?? I really agree with Sparrow here on all her points!!!! N's never see themselves as having a problem, or being the problem, so that's out.....in fact, he may turn it around and claim the problem is YOU!!! : ( And they couldn't care less about anyone......we all know they don't even care about their own spouses and loved ones!!! love~ Layla
Oct 12 - 1PM
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Just remember what we have

Just remember what we have all been told, they may go on living their life and acting all happy, happy, but rememeber it is just that an act! The big diff between you and him is that YOU can actually feel those real feelings he CANNOT! YOU can love whole heartedly and HE CANNOT! Remamber they want people tho think they are more than what they really are. It's not his way or the highway IT'S YOURS!!!! So get on the On ramp of the highway and keep going girl, your doing good!
Oct 12 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I just had a light bulb -

I just had a light bulb - that is what changed he let me see the real him... he put on such an act for me though.made me feel like i was important to him...and that is what i keep hoping for... and I would get glimmers of it... ..and I guess even today when he emailed me acting like he was all happy and heading out....he really wasnt happy. but why is HE asking me for solutions?
Oct 12 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Froglegs
Froglegs's picture

He's asking you for solutions

He's asking you for solutions to keep the game going.
Oct 12 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

so he doesnt really want

so he doesnt really want solutions? this is so crazy... my take is he just wants the attention....of us talking once again about all of this...when all i need is the project done... and he also fears me.... go figure.
Oct 12 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Tigerlily
Tigerlily's picture

A Solution is the Last Thing he wants, Sweetheart!

A solution would make things clear, clean and dealt with in an adult way, and that is not what he gets off on. He gets off on things being murky and obscure (more scope for manipulation), dirty (more scope for manipulation AND cruelty, Yiiihiii!) and being dealt with in a childish way (ie the spoilt brat that howls longest and most convincingly and is least subject to reason WINS). All he wants is to prolong the game. Like a torturer who prides himself on how many hours the victim is in agony before he or she dies. You do NOT want something that unhealthy in your life! Cut him off!
Oct 12 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks tigerlily- makes

thanks tigerlily- makes somewhat sense.. so it is just another game of his...makes me ill to think of it. what finally dawned on me a few hours ago - was that it was fine and dandy for him to be depressed and send an email that he wasnt feeling social over the weekend...but now he is ready to deal with this so I better be too.... no concideration about my health etc. again i know he did that intentionally to try and get me to react. the thing is I have no solution really- just said I did so he wouldnt keep bugging me..... and hope to just fake it until this project is done...thankfully the 3rd party is pushing him. I will not be discussing any solution with the Narc- until that 3rd party contacts me and says things are ready to proceed. I made that mistake last time and it allows the Narc to string things along and blame me for delays. my solution is that the pain of missing him is much easier to deal with than the stress and anxiety of having him in my life. the wondering why he decided to not call me etc...the games...im just done. the 3rd party deserves a medal for being able to put up with him for so long....