Twilight zone again - does it ever reach a point where it can't shock us anymore?

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#1 Nov 17 - 8PM
Ava
Ava's picture

Twilight zone again - does it ever reach a point where it can't shock us anymore?

Hiya everybody, I'm having a delayed reaction to the latest stunt from the ex-N. I've been in this loop before & I know I'll come through it & at first this situation made me laugh - which I think is a good sign right? But a day later I'm having the WTF?....really WTF??!! reaction & shock & I'm feeling an urge just to get it out, to talk about it because I'm a little worried I might just go nuts if I don't.
Yesterday I got an out of the blue email from ex-N, absolutely dripping with sweet platitudes, care for my well-being, oh isn't it great we can be friends like this....oh and a favour request. Could I look through my house to see if his birth certificate was anywhere & if so, could I mail it express to him? He's in a pickle & it'd be a brilliant help if I could, he'd pay all expenses of course & only if it were no trouble for me. Ended it with a f-ing winking, smiling emoticon. Will be changing that email address.
So. Why does this bother me?
1) We lived together in my house for 5 years. ExN left the relationship after a long discussion when I caught him cheating. He cried & begged & then went to work & never came home again, leaving ALL his belongings behind. I tried for months to get him to pick it up or tell me an address I could ship it to or even forward his mail to - he avoided. So I had to deal with the crap. I told him I was throwing it all out & if he wanted anything he'd have to tell me. And its been over a year now.
2) The reason he needs his birth certificate. A week after walking out of our house he moved in with the one he was cheating on me with; sorry with her & her parents - she's 21 [he's 34]. Within 6 months he & she were engaged, within 9 months they were married. He's been living in the country on an expired temporary visa - he got engaged just before the visa ran out. He used his passport for ID for the marriage celebrant but to get it legally registered he needs more ID. He has no drivers license, valid immigration papers etc....so all that is left is his birth certificate.
So. He thinks I've still got all his belongings just neatly packed up & stored for him. He thinks I'd jump at the chance to do him a favour. And he thinks there's nothing wrong with asking ME to find his birth certificate & mail it to him so he can get his marriage to the OW registered, a marriage that happened while I was still sobbing myself to sleep at nights, and a marriage to a poor 21 year old who I think has NO idea about what he is [and I think he's using for citizenship....] and he thinks I'M going to help him out?
It made me fume when I first read it but it also did make me laugh. And for me its just another giant sign of who he really is [truly combats any rogue "nice reminiscing" I might do]. But I'm slipping a bit now & I just had to write it & post it. Can this really have happened? The whole thing just eludes me.
Thank you for being here & giving me an avenue to do this. Ava xx

Nov 19 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

hi Ava,

your story is kinda funny in a way , a lot of similiarities to mine, my EXN left for another state and left a bunch of his belongings with me.He must have tried to contact me but left me no new phone number, his old one was disconnected but of course he never told me, i found out the hard way. I had a mailing address but all he sent me back were hatefilled letters, even when I WAS the one trying to get his stuff back to HIM. So some i sold, some I gave away and kept what i wanted. What arrogant asses these men are, they do believe the world revolves around them. I hope they rot in HELL.NEVER one word of kindness for storng his stuff for close to a year and taking care of it.............My answer to your question in your post is NO...
Nov 19 - 7AM (Reply to #24)
Ava
Ava's picture

Hiya onwithmylife :)

I'm so sorry to hear your EXN did that bullshit - and to get abusive letters etc when you're the one trying to do the right thing, especially when your EXN didn't even deserve even the remotest attempt from you to do the right thing for him....that's absolutely appalling. I do hope that there was at least some valuable items in his stuff that you got some value for!! :) Mine certainly had nothing worth any real money - would've liked to have been able to get some money back from the odd $15,000 he still owes me....useless bastard. I think arrogant is too much an "adult" word for them though; in my opinion they're like spoiled bratty toddlers! :) Ava xxo

Ava

Nov 18 - 5AM
Godhasaplanforme
Godhasaplanforme's picture

I cant beleive his courage.

I cant beleive his courage. He acts as if nothing bad ever happened. Its like they have some sort of amnesia about what they put us through and looking at them we have amnesia that did it actually all happen to us? Was it just a bad dream. To reaffirm it all, HE'S CRAZY! I'm so glad you have an opportunity to take revenge even if it is in the smallest way compared to your heartache and pain. Tell him you've mailed the birth certificate to him and instead send him a box filled with your shit! A crazy persons deserves crazy shit!
Nov 18 - 9PM (Reply to #22)
Ava
Ava's picture

Thanks Godhasaplanforme :)

for the comment re. sending him a box filled with a special present for myself!! Though I don't think he's worth even that amount of bother, I'm having a good chuckle to myself every time I've visited the ladies room now! :) You are so right though, he does act as if nothing bad ever happened & he was doing that almost right out the gate of the "break-up." The first time I spoke to him after he simply just up & disappeared after 5 years of living together, he rang [it was about a month later] & was chatting away like we were old friends who hadn't spoken in a while. I was shocked speechless. And it was one of the things that really cut me up - one of the high points of the devaluing & crazy making. Like none of it had happened or it really had just been a normal, amicable separation & now one month later I should be over it & be able to be his best bud, happy for him in his new life. It made me doubt myself so much & like you said, I truly had times when I thought, "No, this is just a bad dream, its too surreal, and I'll wake up in a minute." But it was also the behaviour that FINALLY [!!] had me thinking "Ok, there's really, really something wrong here...." Ava xxoo

Ava

Nov 18 - 5AM (Reply to #19)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Courage

It is not courage they are displaying, it is out and out cowardice. They don't have to own any of the bad shit they do, it all gets dumped on someone else....but do like your attitude GHAPFM...You go girl. We do however have to be very careful if we are planning any type of revenge. It can backfire biblically, so unless it is for self preservation reasons, all I can say is don't do it. The silence can speak like thunder is this case.

Nevergoback

Nov 18 - 9PM (Reply to #20)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think what she means by courage

Is "Balls"...she doesn't mean courage in that respect... Cajones...
Nov 18 - 9PM (Reply to #21)
Ava
Ava's picture

Yeh, its "balls" isn't it, but in a unscrupulous

sort of way. Like "the nerve of that guy" sort of sentiment.... Ava xx

Ava

Nov 18 - 12AM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Probably not :)

Narcs are as shameless as a baby with a poopy diaper. During our divorce trial, the exNarc was not present because he was in prison, so they put him on a speaker phone. Still, he spoke casually and confidently as if he were calling from the a coffee shop. I'm sure because I couldn't actually SEE the guard guarding him, the orange jumpsuit and the ankle chains, he thought I assumed there were none. He tried to order me around with what to do with his precious stuff (that I bought with my money) I said he could have. I (quietly, I thought) told my lawyer he could take it all and shove it up his ass. Both my lawyer and his lawyer burst out laughing. The judge didn't even look up. That's when I knew that although they were all professional, they saw this asshole sitting in an orange jumpsuit pontificating from prison. It was very validating. There's nothing to DO about this email, honey. If you blocked him, good for you. That's the only reasonable response. I laugh now. Darkly. Bitterly, but it's so much better than shaking and fuming at his gall. I promise you will laugh too, in fact, I can hear laughter in your post already. It is that ridiculous :)
Nov 18 - 9PM (Reply to #17)
Ava
Ava's picture

oh my! babies w poopy diapers! Briseis you've made me laugh hys

terically for the last 5 minutes at least!! I'm having a continuous round of visual images of exN in diapers. And I canNOT believe the absolute ridiculousness of what you exN did - the Oh I'm Just In A Coffee Shop phone call. What an absurd, preposterous loser! That's like something out of a flippin movie. I can just imagine the scene & its made me chuckle again & I'm so glad you can laugh at it now & I hope you were able to join the lawyers even just a little in their laughter at the time :) Ava xxo

Ava

Nov 18 - 4AM (Reply to #11)
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

Narcs are as shameless as a

Narcs are as shameless as a baby with a poopy diaper. Oh Briseis that made me laugh so hard I may have to go buy a pack of tennaladies :) So glad you can see the funny side Ava, if I was you I'd ceremoniously burn his mirth certificate pronto, the cheeky f*cker GRRRRR
Nov 18 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
Ava
Ava's picture

Or....I could just use his mirth certificate AS a tenalady

to help me get through the laughing fits from this post.... :) Ava xx

Ava

Nov 18 - 9PM (Reply to #15)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

There you go, now you know

There you go, now you know what to do with his birth certificate, if you run across it ten years from now (cuz I'm not going to LET you look for it now). Pee on it. A woman's pee has sacred voodoo powers. Many years ago a friend of mine really got into witchcraft and spells. She had a girlfriend (lover) who she wanted to get rid of. So she took an old jar of nails and poured her pee into it and buried it on the night of a full moon. I think it worked, too.
Nov 18 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
Ava
Ava's picture

You know I actually think I've heard something about voodoo &

pee before.... Hmmm. I like it. Very good idea. And no, I will be endeavouring to behave & not hunt the thing out now or anytime soon. To be honest, my confession is - I do actually have the thing & I know where it is. A few months after Shit For Brains left I was sued because of an accident he'd had driving my car while drunk & while I was overseas [little f***er rifled through my things, found car keys & drove himself to pub for a "session"]. I knew nothing about it because he'd been hiding all the mail from me. So when that happened I went through all the paperwork in the house & made a box of important papers related to him. His cert is in there - I just couldn't bring myself to chuck it at the time but I've absolutely NO intention of getting that box out or doing anything with that cert. Except for your suggestion in 10 years time of course...! :) Ava xxoxx

Ava

Nov 18 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

ROTFL!!

Is that what they are called over there??? :D Tennaladies :D LOLOLOL!!! They are called "Serenity Pads" over here :D So when I slipped in the mud last week and wee wee'd my drawers a bit, if I'd been wearing a Serenity Pad I'd have just serenely picked myself back up (with gentle music in the background) and gracefully continued my chores (instead of running into the house cursing :D ) Narc's don't have BIRTH certificates. They have MIRTH certificates. And DEARTH certificates (for dearth of soul). Their real birth certificate has been rescinded a long time ago.
Nov 18 - 8PM (Reply to #13)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

LMAO!!

"with gentle music in the background" Hahahahahaha!!!!
Nov 18 - 12AM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Probably not

doooouble post :P
Nov 17 - 11PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Unbelievable

Wow. So glad you can laugh at this though...that is such a good sign of progress!
Nov 18 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
Ava
Ava's picture

Thank you Rose xx

I was worried a little that my laughter was a sign of hysteria!! But I'm starting to believe maybe it is a good sign after all!! How are you doing today? Ava xxo

Ava

Nov 17 - 8PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Well AVA

You confirm that they have no limits and respect no boundaries...in true Narc fashion, deep down he believes when it comes to his birth - only one authentic certificate will do and you have it...The HOLY GRAIL that documents his existence. Tell the freak it's been flushed for five years now, go check with the sewer gators... Actually, don't respond at all... Don't let it bother you either - he's fishing - probably trouble in paradise... Delete Delete Delete Delete Have a glass of wine and shout "Dayum What a Good Girl Am I!" -Hugs
Nov 17 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I agree. Just ignore him.

I agree. Just ignore him. Don't respond at all. Michele is correct... he is fishing. My xnh has tried the same type of thing with me. They have no limits and do not respect boundaries. If you send him this, he'll think it's an invitation to try for more contact with you in the future. Trust me, I know this from personal experience. The answer he needs to hear from you, is the Sound Of Silence. No Contact. It appears to me that he needs make a trip to the courthouse to get another birth certificate because he lost the original.. I agree with Michele, don't let it bother you either. It's HIS problem not yours. Like the old saying goes, "Tough titty said the kitty when the milk went dry." Hugs. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Nov 18 - 12AM (Reply to #6)
Ava
Ava's picture

Thanks mystwoman :)

Yes, I think you're absolutely, absolutely right. No response & no concern. And no way in hell I'm posting him anything. And him being a continual ass is actually really helping me to stick with both - silence & tough titty! I love that saying!! Made me laugh!! :) Thank you!!! They really do have no limits do they? And yours did the same? The carbon copy nature still amazes me. Thanks again, Ava xxoo

Ava

Nov 17 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Ava
Ava's picture

Oh thank you michele :)

Thank you! You've given me a kick back up to the positive land of This Is Just Ridiculous & I Will Just Laugh At It. While having a giant glass of merlot! :) I've gone from teary to grinning! Thank you!! And hell yes....delete, delete, delete!! Thank you!!! Ava xxxxo

Ava

Nov 17 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Yeah! I love that there was

Yeah! I love that there was laughing at the ridiculous mixed in with all the other stuff. Yeah!!!! for you because that says so much as to where you are. And it is a good thing. I agree with all the above, too bad so sad, you missed the boat of that chance to get your stuff so easily and now you must do the work. FY. is my favorite answer. It makes a nice short text if it is necessary. FY. So clear, so absolute. I am cheering for you. almostlydia

almostlydia

Nov 18 - 6AM (Reply to #4)
Ava
Ava's picture

Thanks almostlydia :)

FY is right - thats actually been my mantra today, whispered under my breath whenever the situation pops in my head "f** you, buddy." Ridiculous ass. Thank you for your cheers :) Ava xxxoo

Ava