Turning 40 and Freaking Out...

Happy Birthday Julia Marie!!!! You must be a Capricorn too, I just turned 52 a couple of weeks ago. When I had my 40th, I was divorced for about eight years, had three boys and was getting ready to graduate college, where I had taken courses at night for eight years while working full time. I went with one of my girlfriends and we leased a stretch limo and there were about ten of us, we all got dressed to the nines and went out on the town in Boston and had the time of our lives. This is just the beginning, but please don't waste anymore time on relationships, take a time out and focus on your priorities, channel your energy into positive goals for yourself, leave the men out of it....then possibly some day you might meet someone but please don't try to force it, live life everyday for yourself, you are the only one that can create your own happiness. I hope it was a good one, xoxo.

I LOVE my 40's!! I would never ever want to be 20 again.(it's all so bitchy and uncertain) After 40 I became so comfortable in my own skin. I was always self confident but this was more of a knowing and accepting my body. I was talking to the girls at the gym a couple of years ago. They noticed that the "hottest" body's were on the 40+ year olds. It may have something to do with self discipline and knowing ones body better. There's a wisdom that comes with 40...and peace. Knowing my strengths and my limitations. The NARC/pimp really did his utmost damnedest to break down my positive perception of myself...he couldn't...almost drove us both out our minds with trying...but he failed. With 40 came (for me) an affirmation of those things that were working and constructive in my life and the ability to identify and discard what is not (or who is not) Life gets shorter and the moments more important. I'm protective of how I spend my time...it's MY time. If I were younger I may be trying to "work it out" with the NARC/pimp. But I'm "old" and mean now and I'm consider myself worth fighting for. 40 is FABULOUS. 50 is going to be even better because I still believe the best yet to come...especially since it will be on my own terms (no more of the idealistic compromising and trying to "get along" with the man in my life I did in my 20's and 30's) For me my 40's have been the best decade of my life in spite of the NARC/pimp. Say to 40 "bring it!"

I am turning 38 in a couple of months and have been feeling the same way. I've just barely in the last month come to realize that I am "one of those women who've been in and out of abusive relationships my entire life". I never thought I was one of those women. I never wanted to be!!! Man just that alone was a blow to my self esteem. I feel as though I'll never trust a man again, or even worse that there aren't any good ones left out there. But listen my dear. I have a wonderful counselor who promises to work me through these emotions. I have faith that you and I, and all of us in this situation, have the ability to overcome our pain. True, we are literally damaged my the abuse we have suffered. But, with much help from counseling and support groups such as these, we can overcome!!!! We WILL recover. Sweetie, some days I look at my life and think "I'm 38 years old, it might as well be over". Then there are other days when I feel like "Hey!! I am still young and beautiful. I have many years ahead of me to be happy!" Julia Marie, please have that optimism. If you have to, write the following on your mirror and read it to yourself everyday: "Dear me...I am still young and beautiful! I have many years ahead of me to experience true happiness! I am intelligent, amazing and wise." Julia Marie, you chose to be apart of this support group which shows that you have the desire to change your life. You are obviously devoted to finding the ultimate happiness one day. How admirable! Knelz :-)

40 is a number. It's not the end of the world. Look at it this way, every day that you spend above ground is a gift, so appreciate the milestone! Consider yourself very fortunate to be turning 40! Millions of people never make it that far! Most importantly, measure yourself by the beautiful human being that you are, not by what you haven't succeeded in. Count your blessings. For they are what is important, not the yearly anniversary of the day you were born. If it makes it any easier for you, I am turning 50 in July. I am now alone, my life was turned upside down, everything changed, EVERYTHING. And I have had to accept it for what it is. But you know what? Life is great! I haven't reached half of my goals yet, but I am still setting them and reaching for them. I may not get to all of them, but I am damn proud of the ones I have gotten to, and there are more on the horizon. I was supposed to be a dress designer, I was supposed to be married with 3 children, and I was suppose to be loved for who I am and appreciated for being me. I am not a dress designer, I am a credit manager, I am no longer married, I was married to a narc, and I do not have 3 children, I have 1 daughter, but I do have a stepson and stepdaughter......all the things I do have, aren't what I planned, but I am blessed. And so are you! Here's something fun to do.......write down (40) wonderful things about you, things that you are grateful for and make you happy, write them on colorful paper, put them in a pretty glass vase, keep it on your nightstand. Each morning, when you awake, take one out of the vase and read it. It's a beautiful exercise and it helps you to not only love your life, it helps you to love yourself. Stay the course. 40 is a cakewalk, you will see. Happy 40th Birthday!!!!! You are blessed!

Don't get focused on the milestones, those can change as you change yourself into a healthy, whole and happy person! My sister had her 1st child at 45 thinking she would never have children (quite by accident too) I am 53 and am just about to embark on a new career. If I knew at 40 what I know now, I would be on the front of Time Magazine. Take one bit at a time, putting one foot in front of the other. We all have a purpose.