tryingtorecover's story

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#1 Jul 17 - 1PM
tryingtorecover's picture

tryingtorecover's story

trying to goes

Looking back there were clues all along about him and the personality disorder. It’s all here, and it doesn’t fell so good writing it down. It was like being in a minefield. To a trained professional this must be so heart breaking to see someone go through this who has absolutely no idea which end is up.

So here goes…met the leech back in 2007. I lived in a friend's basement at the time to save up money and move out. I was in recovery and trying to get myself together…I was a complete mess. The night I finally got together with the leech, I was coming from another guys house (who I really liked). The other guy, whom I am a still friend with, was dating way to many other women at the time for me. So I ended up with the leech. My self-esteem didn’t exist or was barely visible. So that night I ddn’t want to be alone and returned the leeches telephone call and we got together that night.

He and I were new in recovery from an addiction. I was a little further along in my sobriety than he was at the time. I had about a year and a half. He had about 6 months. His sister introduced us to one another. We ended up together instantly.
There were problems from the beginning. He had a previous very short marriage and 2 kids. They were very little when we got together maybe 3 and 4. He lived with his sister who is my age 35. She and I were friendly before me and the Narc got together. After we got together, she wanted nothing to do with me and he wasn't even allowed to mention my name in her presence. It was a HUGE stain for me and on the relationship. His sister did EVERYTHING for him. And when they weren't together I DID everything for him. ALL along she resented the fact that we were together...and this just fueled my upset with him. I felt as though he was choosing his sister over me. (She is a nasty girl and has character flaws too and I didn't like how I felt about her not wanting him to be around me or around me when he was with his kids). He wouldn’t defend our relationship or me. Looking back she was the OW.

After about a year, I moved out of the basement and got my own place. The move had me doing a lot of work and exhausted most of the time. He complained about that...I was upset because I felt as if I was doing everything by myself. I guess I thought it was okay since it was my place and NOT HIS. The only thing I do remember him doing was hooking up the electronics around the place. Looking back.... it’s such a Narc thing to do.

I paid for EVERYTHING. Anytime we'd go someplace or do anything I was the one who paid not him. He never had any money. I just wanted to be with him so I did not care. And I just figured he was working on getting his life back together so paying for things was acceptable to me.

I couldn’t see anything in reality and was really beginning a spin went to the Carion Foundation a few years back to one of their programs called “Breakthrough”. It was a week long in-patient treatment for people who need help getting out of troubled relationships, people who are in unhealthy relationships and can’t get out. My therapist was really scared for me because I was spiraling into a really bad place and she feared for my mental stability as a direct result from beginning in a relationship with the narcissist. It’s a great place and the work I did there helped me to get out of the relationship.

Needless to say, about three months later I got sucked back into it. This time I thought it was different but it wasn’t. At first, for a good year or more I really didn’t care much about him and he knew it. Despite this he stuck around and we would see one another a couple times a month. During this time his addiction to drugs really kicked into high gear. One of the last times we spoke I called him and his life choices pathetic. After about a month, I reached back out to him (I called a lot and he picked-up) He told me he was going into rehab the next day.

The next day, he texted telling me he was going into rehab and to say good-bye. When he got out of the rehab he recoiled from me like a moth from a hot flame. Wouldn’t talk to me or even look at me. So after a few attempts to reach out to him I stopped. We would see one another at meetings and he would pretend I didn’t exist. It hurt like hell.

I was okay without him till he refused to talk to me. After all we had been through I never thought he would be that way with me. He ended up moving into my friends place and renting a room from her. It’s the same place where I lived in the beginning to save up money. Now, for a little over a year he has refused to talk to me. I stopped reaching out to him almost a year ago…maybe next week it’ll be a year. And have not seen him in 5 months.

Last weekend, he called from his work phone and asked for his kids. I said, “I am sorry you have the wrong number”. I am on high alert for his return and intend to take good care of myself. And that is what sparked me to join this site.

Aug 18 - 9AM
Very happy girl
Very happy girl's picture

Good going!!!! I wish I had

Jul 29 - 2PM
evergreen's picture

you've come a long way.

Jul 18 - 2PM
bluegirl's picture

I think it works this way for

Jul 18 - 6AM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Jul 17 - 2PM
Hunter's picture

Another suckie story !! I

Jul 17 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
tryingtorecover's picture

hunter, thanks

Jul 17 - 1PM
spinning's picture

trying, good for you for


Jul 17 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
tryingtorecover's picture

spinning, thanks

Jul 17 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
maui3375's picture

Hello all..quick question

Jul 17 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
tryingtorecover's picture


Jul 17 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
LoserFree's picture

maui it's only been 2 months

Jul 17 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
maui3375's picture

Thanks to all!!