Trying To Teach a Pig to Sing--The Ultimate N Experience

I found this post on another forum, and it really hit a chord in me, so I'm sharing it here. I remember how I used to try and try and try and try to get xnh feel some empathy and human kindness towards me about the pain he caused, and I could never understand WHY he never "got" what I was telling him. This lady really hit the nail on the head. I was trying to teach a pig to sing. Now I "get" it, and I don't care if I annoy the pig either. :)

The link to the original post is here:
http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/t16925

Trying To Teach a Pig to Sing--The Ultimate N Experience

I work in a relatively large office with many co-workers. There is nothing remarkable about this office, it's like many other offices, perhaps like yours.

As in all jobs, there are co-workers with whom I get along quite well, some not so well. When first I began working here, I found it comforting to have a special saying or quote posted in my work area so I could read it throughout the day. The poster I had was not by any means colorful or elaborate, nor was the saying. I wish I could give credit to the author of the quote, but alas, I don't know to whom I should give credit. Perhaps this was a saying passed down through the generations, rather like the "Old Saws" which my Okie friends like so well.

This poster was a letter-size piece of paper, photocopied many times, and in black-in-white.

On this poster was a picture of a pig, a rather unremarkable pig, shown doing what pigs are wont to do: sitting in mud, chewing on some hay.

On the poster was this saying:

"Never try to teach a pig to sing
It wastes your time and annoys the pig."

I loved that quote, as a matter of fact, for a time, it became my mantra especially while dealing with a recalcitrant co-worker or two.

Profound in its simplicity, this quote now has strengthened me in my time of despair over trying to get the XNBF to acknowledge that he took advantage of me.

N stopped communicating with me when I told him I would not give him any more $$$$$, and by the way, also return my car. No surprise there, of course, but I just wouldn't let it alone. I began to send scathing emails to him from July 2010 until Oct 2010. I kept telling him things like "How ironic that you always turned down my offer of passion, but never turned down my offer of financial help. That says it all."

When my beloved cat died in July 2010, I sent him many texts about it, and tried to call him on the telephone, to no avail. So I also told him in an email that I did not think it was too much to expect a small act of compassion from him, but obviously I was wrong.

I also tried to badger him about returning 3 small items (iPhone, CD player, and laptop). I told him in another email that I wouldn't think that someone who had received so much from me (a car to drive for free for 9 months, a cell phone plan for free for 9 months, and 10's of thousands of dollars in financial help) would begrudge returning 3 small items.

In typical lying N fashion he texted me many times saying he was "getting a package ready to mail", which OF COURSE he didn't send!

Finally in Oct 2010 I appealed to his feelings as a parent and told him my son had given me the CD player, and if he could generate some empathy for another human being, I'd appreciate it back. He actually mailed that back to my Post Office box the next day. And with it was...NOTHING! Not one word of thanks or anything.

Because I knew he expected me to contact him and thank him for sending back MY item, I didn't. That was the last contact I had with him.

Finally, I "got" it. I had wasted my time to try to teach that 2-legged pig to sing! I don't care if it annoyed him, but I sure do care about wasting my time!

And I realized the truth: We can't teach a pig to sing, nor can we teach an N to show decent human kindness and common courtesy.

Okie