The truth about being the 'special one'

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#1 Aug 23 - 11AM
spinning
spinning's picture

The truth about being the 'special one'

I was searching for this yesterday on the net. I wanted to post it here because I think it's so right on. I remember the first time I read it in the early months of NC after a brutal and fog-inducing D & D. It hit home and it hit hard.

The thing is it's the truth. Today I think I could have written it and wish I would have.

Miss Lewis posted this on the Steps 1-3 forum yesterday. She's at 8 days NC and this has strengthened her resolve.

If you ever wonder what the other woman is up for...here it is.

I was once "so special..." to a borderline...HAHA!! I find I like not being special any more.

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/special.shtml

Hats off to all of you my sisters and brothers in strength.

Most sincerely,

(not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE MYSELF. FREAKS BELONG IN THE ZOO AND NOT IN MY HEAD.

Aug 26 - 4AM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks for posting this... i

thanks for posting this... i can really relate to it after tonite.
Aug 24 - 11AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Thanks for sharing Spinning

I have read this before and it is well worth rereading. As I progress in my recovery, something new always pops out at me. Today it was: "So what if he has been incapable of honesty and integrity all his life?" This still amazes me the most about how they brainwash us and we are intelligent, insightful empaths and still they are able to snow us with the obvious. Yes, love is blind and it is particularly blind when you are with a manipulative PD. The notion that someone who is a pathological liar and lies about most everything except to us, strikes me as ridiculous today, yet at the time I so wanted to believe that it would be different with me. A liar lies. A cheater cheats. A PD is a PD. Yet I was in a complete fog wanting to believe that it would be different with me. WHY I ask myself today. Am I special? Do I have a hidden talent for changing people? Magical powers? LOL! I guess I DID think that with me it would be different. One day he did say to me: I can go out and find someone just like you tomorrow, you are not that hard to replace there are plenty of people like you out there. I remember immediately getting angry and thinking, what is he trying to say? That I am not special? I got all defensive and said, oh really, you think so. You think there are people exactly like me out there? I immediately was struck with the realization that to HIM, I was not special, was not unique and that I was just supply. He did not view me as Goldie the special wonderful one, but as Goldie, just an easy mark who would put up with his crap. In his eyes I did not bring anything special or noteworthy to the table. It was a real eye opener and also made me realize that over the months with him I had been beaten down so low that opposed to thinking I was special, I had only been concentrating on how to keep him happy and had lost my ability to see that the truth of the matter was that he was not special and he was the one who brought very little which was noteworthy to the table. It's funny how when you expend so much energy trying to get the other person to like you, it's easy to lose sight of whether or not you even like them. It becomes more of, am I good enough for him. The manipulation of the PD cuts deep and attacks you on so many different levels and gets emeshed in your self esteem, confidence and everything else to the point where the truth gets lost. The truth is that as we become more self actualized it becomes more about what they are bringing to us as opposed to what hoops we need to jump through to gain their approval. With a PD everything seems to get turned around and north becomes south and east becomes west. No wonder we come out of these relationships feeling like we have just been in a train wreck. It takes time to sort it all our and feel back on track again. We need to have patience with ourselves, be gentle on ourselves, and remain NC long enough to allow the healing to begin. Any contact with them just starts the whole cycle up again and once again the mass confusion which this article so clearly describes. God bless, Goldie
Aug 24 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

Goldie youre a GEM, Ive

Goldie youre a GEM, Ive already told you that before and this comment on Special tells me you are now a finely polished diamond. Its so true that we try so hard to be the Special one. THATS the hook. HE told me I was the love of his life. I do belive I was not because he is capable of real love, but because I was such fine clay that he could mold into any shape he wished and who was so faithful, trusting and hardworking. A person who never gives up> Never again...
Aug 24 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Thanks

I am a diamond. That must make me special, lol!!! The other detail which you bring up is the "never give up" part. They can see that in us from the get go. I once "made the mistake" of telling crackhead, oxyboy, narc child that "together" we could work through anything. Ha ha ha, man was I dellusional at the time. Oh well, we cannot fault ourselves for having virtue and tenacity, both great traits in the RIGHT situation. Yup, we have the good's we just did NOT have the "raw material" to work with. Not only could they NOT mold us, we cannot mold them. And of course, in a healthy relationship there would not be all this needing to mold anyway, there is more self and others acceptance, just the way you are. "I love you just the way you are." Billy Joel Wow wouldn't that be a REAL TREAT. Something to look forward to someday. Love you, Goldie, the special special special diamond!!! I love it, thank you for the compliment and you are a beautiful glorios sunset. The colors the magnifigance. We need to see ourselves as SPECIAL and others will follow suit. Great thread Spinning!!! Goldie
Aug 24 - 1AM
Journey
Journey's picture

Excellent article, thanks for

Excellent article, thanks for sharing! I recognized so much, phew, way too familiar... what an ass!

Journey on...

Aug 23 - 4PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

SPINNING

If only i could have read this say 15 years ago or earlier, it may have been the reality JOLT I needed when i kept questioning all he was doing to me but could never come up with an answer. I thought I could win his love in spite of his four, count em, 4 earlier failures with different women, what a narc I was to think I could succeed or maybe delusional, is a better word, where the women before me had failed, what a laugh and the joke was on me, grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Aug 23 - 11AM
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

GOOD READ!!!

This is a good read!!! It is really crazy how they are all so similar....!!
Aug 23 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Used
Used's picture

yes the are all liked

yes the are all liked programmed robots...i have had this in my favorites for over 2years...i read it time and time again....and tho i flicked thru it today......it didnt have the same impact anymore.....beign on this board has so educated me....i would run a mile now if i even suspected a red flag in someone spouting the same old drivel.....