Triggers and Dealing w/Them

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#1 Oct 5 - 2PM
Lobo555
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Triggers and Dealing w/Them

Well, yesterday I was on the wrong end of a bad trigger. It was very minor, but I was still surprised by my immediate, visceral reaction. The trigger was a friend saying how a mutual friend of ours had passed CharlieSheenWinning in the city where he's now living with WinningWife. My friend told me this because it was such a small-world moment. In a huge city, our friend passes CSW on the street of all people.

The effect of hearing this was immediate and like a bayonette to the gut. My thoughts began to spin out of control: He's moved. He's really moved. He's moved for her. He's still with her. He loves her. He'll always love her. He'll always be with her and love her forever and ever and ever!

In the meantime, I've been involved for the past month with a very nice man who treats me well and is showing no signs of narcisissm. (Believe me, I'm *looking*!!!)

So here's what I did. I let the knife-wound of hearing about CSW and Wife and all of that process. Then I thought about my current boyfriend who is kind and decent. And *then* I thought of where I was when I joined this board. At that time I couldn't sleep, eat, or leave my house.

I'm still trying to gain the weight back that I lost, but I do believe I've gained my sanity back. The reason why I wrote this is I hope it helps someone else who reads it. Moments of pain and oh-my-God-he-loves-HER/HIM-not-me still pop up no matter what your situation, I guess. At least for a while. But when/if that happens, do a where-am-I-now assessment and compare that to where you were when you were with the narc.

Then thank your lucky stars that things have changed.

{{hugs to all of you}}

Oct 7 - 12PM
Trulybroken
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I've been in two very long

I've been in two very long term relationships that ended really bad and never EVER had the triggers I do that I've had with the ex N. It's been a 14 months since I left him, but brought him back into my life in June for 4 weeks (nothing but talking) and I cannot believe how intense the triggers are. I could barely drive to my dr's office the other day because her office is 3 blocks from where my ex was trolling for AA women. Just silly shit like that. Amazing the power this has over us
Oct 5 - 11PM
Journey
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Excellent observation and

Excellent observation and advice! It is true, triggers come up for a long time but triggers pass, being with the narc it's constant. Thanks for sharing!

Journey on...

Oct 5 - 3PM
dazedandcnonfused
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I am constantly dealing with

I am constantly dealing with triggers that feel like a swift kick in the stomach. I have had to avoid the triggers. Avoiding certain music. Limiting my time on the computer. Occupying my brain with other thoughts when I start to obsess and panic at the thought of what he is doing, or thinking that I will never hear from him again. The best way to get over the triggers, was to limit the amount of time that I spend on figuring out why he is doing this to me. I think getting it out helps to an extent. But the more I talk about him the more power and energy I am allowing him to have over me. The best thing I can do for myself is put him totally out of my mind. I was doing really well for 8 days. I thought I was finally closing this chapter in my life. But the last 2 days I have been hurting and aching for him again. So here I am again on this forum for some support. I will get over this. I just need more time I suppose.
Oct 5 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Trigger suck.

No matter how you slice it, they suck. Like I said, I was surprised at my own reaction from such a small one. This forum is the best, though. I've been away from CharlieSheenWinning for nearly 7 months and I still come here sometimes. I think the pain comes in waves. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not. You just roll with it and it does lessen over time. Hugs to you, dazedandconfused. I know all too well how you feel! It's hard, but you'll keep feeling better and better. It sounds like you're doing the right things.
Oct 5 - 3PM
Hunter
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Lobo I still crackup when I

Lobo I still crackup when I read Charlie Scheen Winning and Winning wife!! That said she's a sitting duck he just hasn't pulled the trigger yet! He still living a rock star life on her dime!! " Bright Lights Big City" Drinks on me if a year from now he's still with her!! He's just not bored yet! He will be. Keep your happy buzz alive!! Hunter
Oct 5 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

"Fright Lights, Big Shitty"

I think that's the name of the movie they're going to make about CSW and WW! Written by Larry Flint and directed by Quentin Tarantino. :) CSW already had one Hollywood-esque marriage that lasted less than a year. His track record is as bad as one would expect. Don't think you have to worry about buying those drinks! After the initial sting, I almost kicked myself. Yes, he moved for her -- but that's SUCH a blessing! The only reason why I got connected with my current boyfriend is because I was walking downtown and ran into him. Why was I walking downtown? Because I knew CSW was gone and I wasn't going to run into HIM. WW is a BLESSING.
Oct 5 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

LOBO, look how far you've come!

YOU ROCK! and EVERYTHING WHAT HUNTER SAID!!!! I'll buy a round, too! Love you, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT!

spinning

Oct 5 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Cheers!

Oh, how I'd love to have a drink with you both! How much fun would we have, right? Our sides would ache from laughing! :) Love and big, big hugs!
Oct 5 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You know it!!! I'm glad we

You know it!!! I'm glad we are getting to that point!! They would have to kick us out after closing. We would have so much material. Hunter
Oct 6 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Okay, the *really* funny part?

Found out yesterday from the person who told me the original story that it wasn't even CharlieSheenWinning's truck! She'd made a mistake. So I got all triggered and wound up over some dude's truck that wasn't even his! Speculating all over the place over, literally, nothing. Good lord. He's not *here* and not *in my face* -- that's all that matters! That's what I will keep telling myself.
Oct 6 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
dazedandcnonfused
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Wow, well at least you had a

Wow, well at least you had a chance to work through the trigger and the emotions that came with it.
Oct 6 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

You're so right

I needed to realize that he still has an effect on me. New relationship or not, CSW still gets to me emotionally. I need to own that -- to face it so I can deal. I don't like to admit that he gets to me because he was a jerk and totally not worth the powder it would take to blow his dysfunctional ass to hell. But. . . yeah, he still gets to me. Deep breath. He still gets to me but it's okay. He gets to me but he'll never get *at* me. NC NC NC. :)