The "Trade", The "OW", The "Newer Supply"

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#1 Dec 31 - 8AM
TNR1's picture

The "Trade", The "OW", The "Newer Supply"

I see lots of posts from individuals who are trying to grasp how the Narc could move so quickly. How could he/she trade us for someone else. Inevitably, this leads to comparisons...the trade is either better or worse: better (or worse) educated, better (or worse) job, better (or worse) looking etc. etc.

As part of the wooing process and oftentimes throughout or relationship....the Narc is telling us things that set up comparisons. We are better than the other supplies he has had in the past, we are better understanding, we are more fulfilling, we are better sexually, we are more attractive etc. etc. but this is simply setting us up for the fall that comes when the Narc finds other supply and discards us. Then we start to wonder what she/he has that we don't which inevitably leads to us either getting angry at the new supply or getting sad with ourselves.

But what if we could just let go of the comparisons...what if we could simply accept the fact that with the Narc, it's all about supply and that is it. Whether that supply comes with some extra cash or a thinner body or a Yale diploma...they are simply supply that is to be used and then discarded. The point is that while our focus is squarely on the new, better, worse, different, OW/OM, supply....we aren't able to really process through what we need to in order to move forward and find ourselves again. The other supply is inconsequential to our recovery. Hunter and Goldie and Used (and others) have said that over and over again, but it bears repeating.

The truth: You are all beautiful/handsome, wonderful, caring, unique, creative, thoughtful human beings who deserve to give love and have it returned fully. Who the Narc chooses to move forward with does not change the above statement in the least (and if you need to, write it down and stick it on your can even put that TNR1 said it, so it must be true!!).

Here is wishing that everyone grasps their inner beauty and lets go of the comparisons.


Dec 31 - 7PM
13Moons13's picture

I am going to reread that a

I am going to reread that a thousand times....just left work and thought I saw the NS....sent me reeling bad!!!!! I am in an anxious panic....trying to tell myself it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. I don't want him anymore....I deserve so much better.
Dec 31 - 7PM
abusednomore's picture

I really needed to hear that,

I really needed to hear that, thankyou so much. I dont know why i did it but i just logged onto facebook and looked at one of the exnarc's friends, and he has jus become friends with the OW who exnarc is now engaged to, after 5 months of leaving me!!!!! why do i do it to myself!!!!
Dec 31 - 4PM
Hunter's picture


You do good work.. Keep it coming.. Hunter
Dec 31 - 3PM
zzcem's picture

I have had a very hard

time today with this subject. Thank you very much for posting.
Dec 31 - 12PM
fallingfoward's picture

Thank you

I needed to hear that today. I don't know how many other women were involved, I never could really prove it. I just know that I wonder why I wasn't enough for him. I know this is a self esteem issue, I will be working on that this year. To all the beautiful, kind women on this site, thanks again for sharing.
Dec 31 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
braveangel_12's picture

Nothing will ever be enough

Nothing will ever be enough for this guy. He will never have a lasting loving relationship that we all deserve.If what you need is proof(like I did before I had the guts to question my beloved)then go after it. Even though it may be over! You will question your judgement time after time. Get something concrete.
Dec 31 - 12PM
braveangel_12's picture

My narc seems to be able to

My narc seems to be able to use the same supply over and over again! He had dinner with his new "girlfriend"(the same girl that was involved in the prior breakup) just hours before inviting me to the same restaurant for cocktails.The Friday before Christmas. I guess he was tired of me! But, I think it pleasured him to have his friends witness this scenario. It made him feel superior because he had a shared secret with these people.I don't know what you would call this behavior. And he had no conscience of it whatsoever. When I had proof of this and confronted him, he went crazy.
Dec 31 - 10AM
NessMIA's picture

Thank you for this...I needed

Thank you for this...I needed it this morning.
Dec 31 - 9AM
Used's picture


Dec 31 - 8AM
janemarie's picture


Oh Damn....Im crying again....but tears of realizing that I am a beautiful person inside and out...Im smart and funny and caring and loving and understanding...I am all of those things and you just reminded me of that!!! Thank you!! This is a wonderful post!!! Refocusing on ourselves...forgetting about him and his DD and the OW....NO Contact.....this is the formula right here!!! Much love to you! xoxo janemarie
Dec 31 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
13Moons13's picture

Thank you, I too needed this

Thank you, I too needed this today. For some reason I am circling the drain again this morning. Feeling needy and desperate and ready to cry at the drop of a hat (hoping it's just pms-bad timing if it is tho)
Dec 31 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
WorthMore's picture

We are

We are on the same schedule 13Moons....Circling the drain is the perfect description.
Dec 31 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
bgirl's picture

This obviously takes a L O N

This obviously takes a L O N G time to recover from be UAE even though all evidence points toward the eventual demise of both of them, there are so many of us on here still holding on....I hate that I'm still holding on....