Totally paranoid about dating new guys, but it's a GOOD thing !

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#1 Jan 31 - 1AM
BeautyModel
BeautyModel's picture

Totally paranoid about dating new guys, but it's a GOOD thing !

Im now recovered from dating an NPDr.
Took a long time though.
Anyway my friends have had great success from using Match.com and OKCupid over the years.
(But not with eharmony (its private search feature is cheaters paradise))
So I have an ad up and have been getting a steady stream of emails.
I find myself being paranoid about a lot of the guys though.
Ive gone to great lengths to try and figure out who they really are before ever meeting.
And sad to say but Im aghast at how hedonistic/depraved/sociopathic the real men are when I find other posts theyve made online (via facebook, pick up boards, etc)

And lest anyone here think my personal ad is attracting these loathesome types, I make it clear that Im low key, conservative and spiritual. Not looking for crazy wild men.

For example, I started to really enjoy emails and conversations with a cute smart and sweet seeming guy.
But because I have dated not one but 2 Ns , Im leery of being swept away without seeing the real man Im dating.'

Turns out this nice guy was posting an ad online looking for girls who are hot and like to party and in return he would take them in a limo with "free booze" to a Kings of Leons concert.
UGH.

Anyway my paranoia is keeping me safe until I settle down with a good guy.

Feb 1 - 9PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

It's a jungle out there

Good for you for getting back out there! That takes courage. I know a lot of people discourage dating on websites....and I was the biggest skeptic. but I have 2 of my closest friends getting married this year thanks to Match.com. I know...it's good to by a little cynical based on your experience, but there must be some good people out there or I wouldn't be attending two weddings. By the way, my Narc was someone I had known since childhood so I thought I "knew" what I was getting myself into. You never really know. But, keep an open heart...and a very eagle eye for weird behavior. There are a ton of creeps out there, but a few good ones still exist..
Jan 31 - 6AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

I have

NO luck with the dating website and even posted an ad on another site, they are just terrible the quality of men out there is SO BAD all they want is to get you into bed aasap and they talk of nothing but themselves, I have 3 different men who expected me to put them up when we were going to meet and I have never even met them, it is bad out there. I wish I could meet people the normal way, i try, but have had zero luck Still I am going to a Budda center next week where i live and just check it out,...........i go to church do not meet anyone but am going to volunteer at a film festival, hope it is fum....
Jan 31 - 5AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Match.com or any dating

Match.com or any dating website for that matter is CRAWLING with NPD's. It is a narcissists playground. Please stay away from these sites for your own good. It is very unsafe waters for an empath to travel. I am not sure where you got your statistics but as far as EHarmony and Match are compared, Match, you as the member can reach out to anyone on that website, you find your own matches if you don't like the ones sent to you. On EHarmony, you only get to contact the members that Eharmony feels are a suitable match for you. So, Match would be more appealing to the disordered, sexually deviant, disturb man. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been in recovery? I notice you have been a member for 15 weeks. I don't believe you are ready for dating based on the timelines but I don't know your story and I could be wrong. I will search for your story and read. Please stay away from the dating websites! They are shark infested waters.
Jan 31 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
BeautyModel
BeautyModel's picture

eharmony vs match

im 2 year out from relationship with N. Eharmony has NO public search feature. So married men and cheaters dont have to worry about posting their pics and being caught. I even posted this concern on eharmony's forums and the mods deleted the post. And Match does have some awesome men. I have two good friends who've met great guys and one is married to the guy she met on match 8 years ago. Im just sharing my story that its good to be extra careful.
Jan 31 - 3AM
midnight7
midnight7's picture

Tried one of the dating

Tried one of the dating sites, in one of the months where I thought the xN and I were really finished and I wanted to feel light/happy again. I was there for about a minute. Though there did appear to be some genuine men they were few and far between. Most seemed hopeful of a quick fix with as many women as possible - some of the profiles egotistical beyond belief. The form of communication - private message/chat was not conducive to discovering anything about a person's character, not enough to decide whether they were 'safe' or not. They were unable for the most part to construct a sentence - texting speak was the norm and most talked about themselves (much like the xN) and never asked any questions which made 'conversation' an uphill slog. I had such bad vibes from these sites that I won't use them again even when I have healed. We all know the red flags now so I'm not paranoid about men just have no interest in them at the moment - concentrating on friendships/work/living life to the full/becoming my own firm foundation, and taking a year off dating. Did read one article that said forget dating sites, the pub/bars, the new class you've started - genuine men will be in normal/every day places - like the supermarket! So when I've recovered, and feel up to dating again - you'll find me in the fruit/vegetable aisle(!) hoping to bump in to a healthy man (in all senses) - the xN was a chain smoker/heavy drinker, and of course a psycho-N.
Jan 31 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
BeautyModel
BeautyModel's picture

The biggest N I ever met was

The biggest N I ever met was too arrogant to ever deign to be on match or any personal ad sites. He was introduced to me by friends and a co worker in real life. I think online dating can be good because you can review people from afar without the fear of an N's charm in person.