Tomorrow will be my three year anniversary of discovery.

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#1 Oct 12 - 7PM
Joy2me
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Tomorrow will be my three year anniversary of discovery.

I have mixed feelings. I was so hoping this coming October 13th would come and go without it getting to me. But I don't think that will happen.

Tomorrow marks the three year anniversary of the day I found out about his affair. That small discovery took me down a road that later would reveal the world Narcissism and Psychopath, porn addiction and three other affairs. I never thought I would find myself divorced and starting over. We went through a 2 year separation, during that time I had hoped so badly that the things that I was discovering were not true. I am glad I gave the marriage at least 2 more years, I had waited for some great transformation to happen and of course it did not. I ended up finding out that I had been lied to in the most horrible way possible. I was conned into marrying a very sick individual.

I so hate the month of October, today I am missing my old life. How stupid is that? But I guess when I look back on the time before I found out about the affair I see myself happy. But then again time has made me forget some of the bad times. I must remember that "happiness" was just moments they never lasted long and then we would quickly go into this rut called "nothing good nothing bad happening, just surviving". So sad to think now that I thought that was happiness. Today I can't seem to stop my heart from missing those crumps of happiness! How pathetic! God I hope I feel better tomorrow or the next day.

I have come to far to let these current feelings bring me down. On October 31 this year it will be 1 year of NC.

Joy2me

Oct 13 - 9AM
Recovering Suzie
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I can relate

to everything you are saying. Funny how, for so many of us, the discovery of an affair was the first step toward the realization that our life was was all smoke and mirrors. An affair is terrible and can often end a marriage, but it's how the N deals with the aftermath that gives them away. Mine too looked me in the eye and swore to me (and our marriage counselor) that it was over and he was dedicated to rebuilding the marriage (lie). Humans can't do that, but for a Narc, it comes naturally. I have similar reactions to certain dates - anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Recently, I endured the day that would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. For a moment, I thought I missed him. On further reflection, I realised that I wasn't missing him. I was missing the life I was SUPPOSED to be living right now. I was missing the life we had planned and he had promised me. I didn't want him, just the life I had planned and worked for for 25 years! Truth be told (and I'm a little ashamed to admit this) I was in a marriage, had a family and a husband, I get tired of being 100% responsible for everything in my life. But if that's what it takes to have 100% autonomy and be 100% responsible for my own joy and happiness, I guess I'll take it. It can be hard Joy2me, but it's worth it and the feelings you have are normal. It's ok to hate October. Maybe you can make a new tradition and celebrate big-time on the 31st. Everyone will think it's about Halloween, but only you will know the truth. Celebrate your freedom and your joy and the end of a really rotton month! Suzie
Oct 13 - 1AM
Jelickuk
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Our stories sound similar.

Our stories sound similar. Like you i gave the marriage a chance and we separated to work on it18 months ago. Then the horror of reality came unravelling. My kind, loving, stable, etc husband had a child he'd never met, an ow, dating sites, affairs. My heart truly broke. I am now over 2 months nc after months of games and craziness. Every day is still hard. I still think I must be dreaming because the reality seems unbelievable. I do understand the missing the old life We didn't just lose a marriage, we also lost the future we believed in Thinking of you x x x
Oct 13 - 1AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Our stories sound similar.

Our stories sound similar. Like you i gave the marriage a chance and we separated to work on it18 months ago. Then the horror of reality came unravelling. My kind, loving, stable, etc husband had a child he'd never met, an ow, dating sites, affairs. My heart truly broke. I am now over 2 months nc after months of games and craziness. Every day is still hard. I still think I must be dreaming because the reality seems unbelievable. I do understand the missing the old life We didn't just lose a marriage, we also lost the future we believed in Thinking of you x x x
Oct 13 - 7AM (Reply to #5)
Joy2me
Joy2me's picture

Thank you.

For you comments, yes our storeies sound very similar. Somedays I am astounished as to how mucy went on right in front of my nose without me realizing it. I too found single website accounts, ow, affairs past and present. I wonder where was I all this time? I wonder how he could still look in the face knowing all he was doing, look at me with a straight face, look at me and tell me he loved me. Then after I find out about the affair cry and beg me to stay and claim to have ended all, accuse me of not wanting to believe him. And all the while still carrying on his affair! What kind of person does that? The sad fact that his "love" and our marriage were shallow and at the bottom of totem pole in importance. It is incredibly sad to know I gave my love to someone that never returned it. It is sad to know that in just three months he moved in an entirely new family and replaced us! He kept the home we had shared and moved in ow and kids. I sometimes wonder how he could look at our kids rooms and now they are occupied by someone elses kids and it not bother him? All very crazy. Joy2me
Oct 13 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

the same for me. it was like

the same for me. it was like he became possessed or something. I kept expecting my husband to reappear and explain everything. but he never has
Oct 13 - 1AM
uk lady
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Joy2Me

Sending you some positive vibes and a huge hug. Dee x
Oct 12 - 8PM
Hunter
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I think you need take the

I think you need take the half full approach!! Life is an adventure.. You are free to live a narc free life!! The past was just a fantasy!! Make the next chapter real!! Hunter
Oct 12 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
gratefuljen
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Hunter

Hunter, I want to thank you for your comments. They are consistent, honest, and so true. Sincerely, Jen