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today was his birthday and i really struggled

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#1 Oct 6 - 8PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

today was his birthday and i really struggled

I thought I would relish in ignoring him that I would feel a sense of power but it has been quite the opposite. I have struggled today more than I have in months. I sobbed deeply. I'm still crying as I type this. Though I know intellectually that he is very disturbed and doesn't deserve my tears, they still come almost like a volcanoe erupting. I am a codependent that deeply missed her drug. Its been a year now and while overall I an much much better, I am realizing that its all still very raw. All I can do is keep on trying to move forward.

Wow the pain these people cause is so deep.

Oct 7 - 7PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Hey gettinbetter - I've

Hey gettinbetter - I've missed you! Sorry to hear this triggered everything. My Narc's bday was Aug 24.... I thought I would feel good ignoring him too. But I also cried. Was curious if he would contact me on my bday one week later, but he didn't. That's when I truly realized the extent of their mirroring. since his bday is 7 days before mine, whatever I did for him, he did for me. Including ignoring. Finally broke down one month later and wished him a happy late bday, and of course, he then mirrored and wished me a happy bday. They are robots.. nothing means anything. Anyway, sorry to hear you are feeling bad again.... call me if you need to! xox.
Oct 7 - 6PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

gettinbetter

It has been over 2 1/2 years for me and only the last few months feeling like myself again, we old timers know it is a long haul but you will feel better.............
Oct 7 - 7PM (Reply to #12)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

It was tough. Today he made a

It was tough. Today he made a ridiculous attempt to get my attention but I didn't bite. Still hurts terribly I think it always will but I have gotten on with things. I am not a catatonic zombie anymore. My husband and I have been getting out with friends more and I smile and laugh but that pain is still there its not as deep but its still there. Glad to hear you are doing well.
Oct 6 - 9PM
freaked
freaked's picture

GETTINBETTER, NOW WHEN THE

GETTINBETTER, NOW WHEN THE NARC'S BIRTHDAY COMES I WILL SPIT ON HIS PHOTO BEHIND HIS BACK. MAYBE I WOULD EVEN STAMP ON IT WITH MY LEFT SHOE. IT SHOULD BE CALLED A DEATH ANNIVERSARY BECAUSE ON THE DAY A NARC IS BORN, A SOUL SOMEWHERE IS GETTING DESTINED FOR DESTRUCTION. WHEN ANYBODY SURVIVES A NARC [THOUGH NOT RID OF THE FLEA YET], IT IS A PHOENIX RISING.
Oct 6 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Very Very true. The Narcs

Very Very true. The Narcs bithday 10-6-66. Get the 666. Oh did I mentioned his Dad died on his birthday. Pure evil and toxic
Oct 7 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Next Door Neighbor of the Beast

The ex-Psych prof's old address began with 665. So he was called the Next Door Neighbor of the Beast. However, his birthday was 9-14-63. Napoleon burned down Moscow on September 14th (he was proud of that fact), and he was two months old when JFK was shot. His twins were 6 months old when 9-11 happened. Weird.
Oct 6 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
freaked
freaked's picture

what a shocking coincidence

OMG
Oct 6 - 9PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Awesome I can't wait till

Awesome I can't wait till Halloween!!! My Narcs Birthday!! What a Way to celebrate we cry and they don't give a shit!! Happy Birthday assholes may you have a shity 2012. Because this day will pass we'll feel better and you' ll always be an asshole. SOI guess what my friend?? You're getting better!! Oxox Hunter
Oct 6 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thanks my sweet friend. It

Thanks my sweet friend. It was a tough one as you knew it would be from my text early this morning. I didnt see this coming and I havent cried like this in months. I hope you dont struggle like this on his birthday. It really sucks. Here's to tommorow. Thanks for being a great friend who always cracks me up. xoxo
Oct 6 - 9PM
Crazy Train
Crazy Train's picture

Gettinbetter, it's ok to feel

Gettinbetter, it's ok to feel the way you do. I think I will personally carry my feelings with me for the rest of my life. Cry to get it all out. Once you have that feeling of exhaustion, hopefully you will feel relief. At least that's usually what happens for me. I'm proud that you've gotten through a year. A whole YEAR! That's a fantastic milestone. You can do it! I know I'll be doing the same as you when my narc's bday comes around. But I think this distress is part of the healing process. Come here when you feel sad. This group knows how to pull us through the rough times :)
Oct 6 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes. Thank You. Its still

Yes. Thank You. Its still really tough even a year later.
Oct 6 - 9PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

The pain they cause is so

The pain they cause is so very deep. I am so sorry that you are having a rough time of it today. Cry, there is no shame in crying, get it all out and than some. Today, is an important day for you, so of course you will be upset. Try and remember YOUR birthday today. Think of pleasant thoughts. Start making plans for your future birthdays. If not actual planing, pretend. List all the places you want to see and plan each trip for the upcoming birthdays of yours! It's nice to dream, escape for a little while. Relax and regroup. This day will pass. And don't worry about the fun you think you are missing with him, because if he is a narc, today is the worst day to be with him! Hang in there! Stay strong!
Oct 6 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thank you. Yes I am an old

Thank you. Yes I am an old timer here and I still struggle from time to time. I am 44 and this man caused me a great deal of pain in my 20's only to return in my 40's and do it all over again. I think thats why it has been so very difficult this time. I think when you become involved with them at a young age they do a tremendous amount of damage to your core self only you are so young at the time you dont understand so you just figure it was something wrong with you atleast thats what I had always thought. I didnt have resources like the internet to look up behavior patterns and well, I had never even heard of NPD or BPD in 1992. So I was left with a very flawed feeling that I repressed for many years until he returned and it all came back.... even worse than before