Today is a new day
Today is a new day
Day 1 of NC............never thought I would be writing these words.
I have given this most recent ordeal some thought and have come to the realization that yes, I reached out to him during a dire time in my life, BUT after giving it much thought I believe I know what started it in the first place, the trigger.
Last week, if you remember, I was told to view his picture on Match.com because I would get a laugh from it. I did, even though at first I refused, after a slight bit of coaxing on my friends part, I viewed it. And yes, will admit, I got a charge out of it. BUT...........that was my first mistake. It was a trigger for sure, and I knew better. After seeing the picture, I found myself thinking of him more so then I have in the past, I could feel the obsessive feelings creepy back in slowly and I ignored them, thought I could handle them and thought I was completely and utterly over him.........so, with that said, I now am very much aware that any little trigger MUST be avoided!!!!
I laid in bed wondering about how things may have played out if I hadn't viewed his picture in the first place.........maybe the result would have been different, maybe the same.......I will never know. What I do know is I have to accept that I faltered, get back on that horse again, forge forward and remind myself that no matter how strong one is, how strong their convictions are, how desperately they want to recover, the hold these narcs can have over you can be very powerful.
Beware of triggers, please...........no matter how slight they are or how innocent they appear, a trigger is a trigger. PERIOD. And I am proof of that.........
Thank you again, each and every one of you for being there to pick me up when I fall. Wish me luck on day one.......
Chutes and Ladders, it was never one of my favorite games as a kid and it certainly isn't one now. All the way to the top, only to slide all the way back to the beginning. I will persevere.............
Tiger the Disordered One
Deidre
Perhaps I’m becoming
Thanks everyone! We are
Sparrow, your beautiful
spinning
Thank you Spinning! Your
Sparrow: I wish I had
Sumiko
Sparrow
Dabussard
sparrow
USED
And you said he looked like a
Hunter
Myself and my family call
JMi