Today is a new day

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#1 Aug 29 - 8AM
Sparrow
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Today is a new day

Day 1 of NC............never thought I would be writing these words.

I have given this most recent ordeal some thought and have come to the realization that yes, I reached out to him during a dire time in my life, BUT after giving it much thought I believe I know what started it in the first place, the trigger.

Last week, if you remember, I was told to view his picture on Match.com because I would get a laugh from it. I did, even though at first I refused, after a slight bit of coaxing on my friends part, I viewed it. And yes, will admit, I got a charge out of it. BUT...........that was my first mistake. It was a trigger for sure, and I knew better. After seeing the picture, I found myself thinking of him more so then I have in the past, I could feel the obsessive feelings creepy back in slowly and I ignored them, thought I could handle them and thought I was completely and utterly over him.........so, with that said, I now am very much aware that any little trigger MUST be avoided!!!!

I laid in bed wondering about how things may have played out if I hadn't viewed his picture in the first place.........maybe the result would have been different, maybe the same.......I will never know. What I do know is I have to accept that I faltered, get back on that horse again, forge forward and remind myself that no matter how strong one is, how strong their convictions are, how desperately they want to recover, the hold these narcs can have over you can be very powerful.

Beware of triggers, please...........no matter how slight they are or how innocent they appear, a trigger is a trigger. PERIOD. And I am proof of that.........

Thank you again, each and every one of you for being there to pick me up when I fall. Wish me luck on day one.......

Chutes and Ladders, it was never one of my favorite games as a kid and it certainly isn't one now. All the way to the top, only to slide all the way back to the beginning. I will persevere.............

Dec 12 - 12PM
Kukla
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Tiger the Disordered One

Read this interview over the weekend in the NYTimes Magazine. If you scroll down to the bottom I found it very interesting to learn how Tiger Woods treated one of his victims with lack of empathy or concern. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/11/magazine/gloria-allred.html?_r=1&ref=magazine Enjoy!!!
Aug 29 - 1PM
Sparrow
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Deidre

I understand what you are saying about friends, I won't blame her though, since I am the one that is in tune to this disorder and she is not. It's a very delicate matter and someone that has never experienced detachment from a narc really has no conception of the difficulty. I should have known better, I take the blame, I knew the risks involved and ignored them. In the future, let's hope I don't. I can't fault anyone but myself for this move. I must take ownership and continue with me efforts. Thanks to you and everyone else for thier support and kind words. They moved my brother to a hospital that specializes in the heart. Prayers are being answered as we speak I believe. Thanks from the bottom of my heart!
Aug 29 - 1PM
Deidre40
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Perhaps I’m becoming

Perhaps I’m becoming obsessive with this mantra—but we all would be wise to omit ‘’friends’’ who wish to impede our healing, willingly or unwillingly. Your ‘’friends’’ shouldn’t be ‘’coaxing’’ you to look at pics of your ex. I omitted my ‘’mutual friends’’ out of my life, over the few weeks…have rec’d texts, etc…STILL talking about my ex, and I have not replied. And I gotta tell you…the feeling is liberating. We are in control, sparrow. Not the ex’s…not the minions…but we are. If your friends continue to want you to entertain things about the narc…then, you should consider if they truly are friends. Friends have our backs. They don’t wish to stir up drama, etc. Perhaps, this was a one time event, but truly? I wouldn’t let anyone get in your way of healing.
Aug 29 - 10AM
Sparrow
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Thanks everyone! We are

Thanks everyone! We are truly all in this together aren't we? Thank goodness for this forum and everyone on it! Smiling today
Aug 29 - 1PM (Reply to #12)
spinning
spinning's picture

Sparrow, your beautiful

song will ring out again. We all need to hear it, and I so appreciate you. I hope you are smiling and strong and I am glad you are feeling better and letting it go. I pray for your brother's wellness and am so grateful for you and this community of outstanding, compassionate, brave souls. Hugs and love from, (fighting to never again start) spinning.

spinning

Aug 29 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
Sparrow
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Thank you Spinning! Your

Thank you Spinning! Your kind words and support mena the world to me. Everyones words, honestly. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
Aug 29 - 9AM
sumiko
sumiko's picture

Sparrow: I wish I had

Sparrow: I wish I had something to say that could make you feel better about what happened. As everyone said already, we are human, we learn from mistakes. Never feel guilty about your human condition. Remember: you listened to your human voice, you VERIFIED you have a heart and a soul. You can lean on all of our shoulders and we will lift you to keep going through this journey.
Aug 29 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
Sparrow
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Sumiko

Thank you. I am finding some very broad shoulders here and appreciate it very much so. Forging forward............. :)
Aug 29 - 9AM
dabussard
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Sparrow

I know exactly what you are going thru... I phycially run into my N all the time... It triggers me each and every time and sends me spinning out of control... Even though, I know he is a jacknut and the only thing he will ever love is a beer can... I can't get past him as long as I keep running into him...
Aug 29 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Dabussard

That must be very trying...........thank goodness mine lives clear across the country. Makes it a bit easier for sure. Good luck in your efforts. Stay strong! He chooses a beer can over a good woman. What a loser, right? His loss.........not yours.
Aug 29 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

sparrow

YES, THO I WISH YOU LUCK ON DAY ONE...I KNOW YOU WILL MAKE IT ANY WAY....YOUR POSTS ARE POSTS THAT ALWAYS SEND MESSAGES AND GOOD THOUGHTS TO ALL... SO TO COIN A PHRASE.....RIGHBACKATYA XXXXXX
Aug 29 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Sparrow
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USED

Thank you! Now it's time to read my own posts, huh? I will indeed. Thanks again!
Aug 29 - 8AM
Hunter
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And you said he looked like a

And you said he looked like a goof!!! Remember that image next time you want to reach out! Hunter
Aug 29 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
Sparrow
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Hunter

If memory serves me correctly, the term was "weasel" LOL And he did.............. I sit here shaking my head.........
Aug 29 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
JMi
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Myself and my family call

Myself and my family call mine the Weasel too! How fitting!
Aug 29 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Sparrow
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JMi

Too funny............ :)