Tinker23's Story

I am new to this site but not new to the world of a narc. I had been with mine since from 15-26.

My narc had severe drug problems. Smoking weed was part of his everyday routine to help calm him down because he claimed he was too high strung. Also self prescribed himself vicodin and Xanax to take the edge off from his stressful days. He worked in a high stress environment.

My narc has called me every name in the book and basically explained his treatment to me as "preparing" me for the real world because not everyone is going to be nice to you. Actually when I broke it off with him he told me I hope you never find happiness and suffer.

Every birthday and Christmas was ruined. It was almost as though he intentionally sabotaged those holidays. In retrospect most things that didn't revolve around him were sabotaged and destroyed.

He was highly manipulative and was a tricky master of words fucking with my head. There was much verbal abuse that was almost sneaky and subtle but so damaging.

I realized my self worth and broke it off at the age of 26 and dealt with his hovering for 3 years. I broke it off with the narc 4 months after we were engaged I had a gut instinct that something just wasn't right. I always knew I was being treated like shit but felt like I had been through too much with my narc to leave him. But everything that we had been through always revolved around him. I used to say "it's (insert my narcs name) world, I'm just living in it".

When describing the relationship to my counselor she introduced me to the word narcissm which I had never heard of before. I started researching all thing narcissitic but didn't come across this site :(

After I broke up with him he would not let me go. He instilled so much guilt for breaking it off. The feeling was absolutely overwhelming. I never could understand why I was the one who felt so horrible when I was the one who ended it with him. It took a year and 8 months to go NC. Silly me though because I didnt block my email and he creeped back in 9 months later almost to the date with an email. The email went along the lines of I hope you have found what you're looking for in life & sorry for any distress I have ever caused you. I didn't ignore this hoover but instead started talking to him and was sucked back in for the first D&D. I cut off contact after first D&D still not going full NC and he reappeared a month later with another email. This one was along the lines of why don't you talk to me its like I'm dead to you, you don't care about me blah blah blah. I was sucked back into the narcworld fully knowing I would get burned again.
I was back in the fog where the world clearly revolved around him but I still had some glimmer of hope that he had some little token of kindness in him. Not so much!!!The FINAL D&D was January 6 2012 and I will NEVER let that fucker back into my life EVER again.

I feel good about cutting off the communication for the last time ever because every time he contacted me it was to gain the upper hand. He could not BELIEVE that I actually had the nerve and strength to call of our engagement(he told me this) and basically wanted to be the one who called the last shot in the relationship and it pissed him off that I was the one who did it.
I am in now in full NC - blocked phone, email, fb. My armor is up and fully in place.

It was frightening to see how fast the narc could work his magic and have me living in his self involved world again. The fog comes so quick and it seriously fucks with you.

I found this website after googling something along the lines of how to stop obsessing about him before the final D&D. It is alarming that even though I knew he was playing games with my mind I still hurt so bad by the final D&D. I knew deep down I was being set up for the hurt but was so in the fog of his manipulation that it still hit sooo hard. You get knocked on your ass even knowing it's coming.
I wish I would have found his site when I first broke it off. It's a godsend for me.

I think I've struggled with letting go and going back for bec D&D because I was so young when I met him. I didnt know who I was without my N and afraid to find out. My life had been dependent on making my narc happy and doing anything to accomplish that. My mental health and well being was not part of the equation for 11 years of my life. I had lost all friends of course because of my narc. I had lost all sense of who I was as a person. I was rebuilding my life from scratch while he was set with a good paying job, all his friends I never made him stop talking to and a career. I was scrambling to pick up all the pieces that had been shattered by the narc. Obviously all those pieces are still not together but I am working hard every day to find out who I am.

Sorry this is so long and thanks for reading :)