time to move on's story

Hello,

I wanted to share the story of my last 2 main relationships.

I came from a background where my father was a violent alcoholic (and perhaps a narc) and my mother was a pathological liar (I think she'd turned into a fantasist after being with him from the age of 18).

I think coming from that none of my relationships had been *that* great, they were damaged people, and things hadn't worked out.

But in the last few years I made some major mistakes. In my early 30s I went out with a guy who I'd worked with, initially he'd said he was living with his brother. Then he moved in with me, but throughout that time we'd had rows, he'd said that because of my behaviour and temper he had to go back to his brother's (this was the first 6 mths we were together). He also told me he had a possible brain tumour. He hadn't, he'd lied to me that it was something that maybe ran in the family then twisted it around.

When he did move in with me we had constant rows, he ranted at me about my anger, and how I didn't treat my family well. He eventually moved cities for a course, tried to get me to move with him and I refused as I couldn't get work. Then his other (as it turned-out long-term gf) came and knocked on my door and told me that when I'd first met him she'd been with him for 7 years. Yup, she was the "brother". He's split up with her but still kept in touch while with me (she had no idea about me until one of her friends saw her "partner" with me".

So I left him. I had no choice but I did still see him for a while. He told me (after I kept saying, "why?") that he'd done it to try and control the situation. Anyway, he was mad.

Then, a year ago, in my late 30s, I moved cities as I wanted to look after my terminally ill mother. I met someone I'd known in my early 20s, he knew my brother well. He was so charming, cooked me great meals, and was a real escape from my mother's illness and my life. Very good looking, pretended to be everything to me.

But it was all a lie. He became really possessive, was in love with his ex gfs mother, couldn't have sex due to abuse issues in his past (but this was my fault, I wasn't there enough for him... hmmmm). When I wanted to visit my mother in hospital he made excuses not to be there. He threw tantrums when I said "I can't be there and talk about our relationship this week, I need to bury my mother".

A week and a half after my mother's funeral he dumped me as I wouldn't come round and talk (by text message). And blamed me and said "I'd left him". 3 mths later I stupidly had him back. He moved in with me and ranted about how hard his life was. By this point I'd wised up, and then I found him emailing his ex that he'd told me he was no longer in touch with, he'd told me she was mad and a stalker. In his emails he was telling her how sexy she was etc.

We've split up after a year. I cannot believe I did that with someone who did not care. I have no idea if he had BPD or was a narcissist. He seemed to spend time pushing me away, then accusing me of leaving him, but either way he drove me completely mad, hence me being on here. He was very aggressive, threatened to kill me. He'd always hold onto my temper, and mention when I hit him across the back, but ultimately, he scared me to death, there were other times when I think he possibly pretended to try and break-into my house (to try and scare me by telling me that I shouldn't be there on my own). And after my mother's death I think he turned lights on in the house to make me think I was being haunted.

The above sounds ridiculous and far-out but I really think he may have been trying to make me think I needed him in a big old house after my mother died, as if I'd beg for him to come back.

Anyway.. I thought I'd post this.

I wish everyone luck with moving on.