THREE months NC and how do I feel?

Well the first thing that pops into my head is I got my self esteem back, now I only have memories of how I was treated like a whore vs direct contact with the perverted and sick conversations and messages he left me. More and more as time goes by I look back and see how messed up this man was and I think How in the HELL could I have loved such a person. I am still haunted at times by his behavior a few days ago I listened to a few old messages I kept and it was creepy, how fixated this man was with EXTREME perversion, and how utterly sick he sounds leaving messages like that on my cell phone.

I wonder how proud he must be of himself and the person he represents himself to be. You see something quite wonderful happened during my three month Fricking HELL of No contact, I have slowly transformed back into the person I once was, There are still deep wounds and I will always wish one day I could have the chance to tell him how truly disturbed he is and I could care less if he tries all the psycho tricks in his little book because I would only shake my head and walk away from such utter trash and sickness. He could call me anything he wants and I would only think of him as a very unhappy, sad, sick person. He is freaky and creepy. I DO miss the illusion I carried around in my head for four years - the illusion of someone I refused to believe was THAT disordered, I was too busy wondering why he didnt love me, and why he loved her, and what was wrong with me that he turned into such a monster. He didnt turn into anything, he was ALWAYS a sick twisted human being.

His biggest mistake he made with me was taking me down from that pedestal he once had me on. I am a woman that will never settle for anything less, I belong on that pedestal with any man I choose to have a relationship with, I WILL NOT be taken down from that pedestal and be treated like all the other women he has done this to and I think he got that message loud and clear these past three months. I put myself BACK on that pedestal and now I can look DOWN upon all the sick, disordered individuals that walk the earth and say, mmmmm I PASS, you are not GOOD ENOUGH for me keep on walking.