For those of you who want to 'educate' or contact the OW or former 'wife'

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#1 Nov 19 - 8AM

Amazed

For those of you who want to 'educate' or contact the OW or former 'wife'

For those of you going through recovery from a 'relationship' with a N or psychopath..the tendency is to want to contact the OW or former wife to let them know of all the scamming and cheating they are and to educate them of what they did to you..to set the record straight, or inform them of what is going on.

I would advise that this is dangerous. The N and psychopath are dangerous, hideous. You will never win with them. There will be no closure in the relationship, there will be no rational understanding or mutual agreement. There just won't. You just pick up and move on.

However I know for many people, they want to contact the OW, or stay in touch with them through facebook or something to watch them, and their progress, to see what is happening,,if they have 'changed' etc...

It is not worth it. It will get you no where, and it is just perpetuating your misery.

The N/Psychopath will make up calculated lies to ALL their targets. Don't seek to udnerstand them, see to be protected from them.

Restrain yourself from wanting to contact them. Get your support and confidence from somewhere else.

#2 Nov 20 - 11AM

Susan32

Not a good idea

Trying to "educate" the OW will come across as a power play/manipulation, and you come across as the jealous ex. No wonder when the ex-Psych's girlfriend met me, I didn't give her ANY warning. Not even when she was working literally down the street. I wasn't gonna rain on her parade. Besides, it was too triggering. Compared to me, the ex-P's girlfriend had more firsthand experience. She lived with him;I didn't. She was his girlfriend;I was his student. At the time, she was 31 and I was 21. I don't think she would have listened.

#3 Nov 20 - 10AM

jen79

Amazed

I recentely contacted the ex OW of him, asking her if she knows if he had ever done a hiv test. She didnt answer. First I was very angry, simple question and I asked in a a really nice way. But I guess its better like that. Not everyone will process the encounter with them the way we did, maybe they will stay in denial forever, as I suspect this woman to be. I dont get why there is no feeling for sisterhood in those women, but I guess they dont want to be triggered again in any sort of way. So now I've done the hiv test myself, and waiting for the results.

#4 Nov 21 - 6PM (Reply to #10)

Amazed

Good for you Jen79

Good for you, get the test for yourself and look out for yourself. The OW is probably just as brainwashed, however not strong enough to come out of denail!!! She will see the truth someday, however he life will be far more devasted and ruined because she was weak, and gave into the lies he was feeding her. It is all lies. I actually met the OW myself as well,,there was some of that sisterhood, however she feel back into the trap. I was outta there! No way!! I guess you have to feel sorry for the woman who are not strong enough, they are only delaying their puninshment. Amazing how some pull through, and survive,, and are happy to be away from the problem, while others stay trapped, until they realize they have been deceived for years. It all ends the same,,,who would you rather be!!!

#5 Nov 20 - 11AM (Reply to #9)

Used

jen

So will she, she may not have answered, but I bet she gets her self tested as well......good for you being tested...hope all will be well..

#6 Nov 20 - 4AM

Sea

I agree. Unless u are already

I agree. Unless u are already friends with ow, u can do mutual support like what we do hete in this forum. If u dont know, please dont try to make contact. The reality is that these assclowns tend to have zillions of ow. U can never warn everyone. Too many and u are risking too much and sadly unlikely to be appreciated. They are still in the fog. And antagonising the no conscience narc or P can provoke them to retaliate. They might be very ruthless to hurt u back. So sometimes we need to protect ourselves first.

#7 Nov 19 - 9AM

Hermes

Amazed. Agree!

Fully and absolutely agree with you Amazed. As you so wisely say, all this kind of activity does is to keep one withint the N-scope. And besides, far better to crusade for yourself and your healing, than going on a mission to save others, who may not want saving. Hermes

#8 Nov 21 - 6PM (Reply to #6)

Amazed

Hermes, Escape from the trap, they laught at ALL their vicitms

It is all a trap that they set to ensnare...funny to see how some get so caught in the trap,, The psychopath/N sits there laughing at ALL their victims for being so foolish,,so foolish to be human, to be loving, affectionate, to be wanting a relationship,,silly us for wanting a relationship... They are calculating, and pathological, they get no joy except from that to control and manipulate.

#9 Nov 19 - 9AM

peaches

She's my neighbor

Our kids go to the same bus stop. We waited at that bus stop together a couple years before either of us knew. It seems we were both the other woman at one time or another. She was his girlfriend when he started flirting and charming me into his chaos and drama. Now it seems everytime we talk we each discover some other lie he told us. He hovers us both. It seems her bond to him wasn't as tight as mine or she is better at dealing with NC. I continuously compare myself to her and she is a great person. It hurts. I have decided I am not talking to her about him anymore. We can talk about 1000's of other topics, but not the N. I am going with the realization that everything he said was some form of untruth. Why do I still relish the idea that he told me I was the love of his life and he never told her that. So in the twisted way of N's I got the worst case because he said more "powerful" things to me. This is so wierd. I think that is my congnitive dissonance. I wish I could stop trying to figure it out and just be grateful I got out. Have a grea day!

#10 Nov 21 - 6PM (Reply to #4)

Amazed

Do not try to figure them out...

Do not try to figure them out...it is like trying to figure our what it is like to be a desk,,,key is to NOT see things from their perspective or figure them out..we can become EDUCATED, to PROTECT OURSELVES!!!! that is it..we need to know the signs, all we need to know, and figure out is that they are dangerous.

#11 Nov 21 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

darling.girl

Favorite toy in the toy box

It's amazing how similar these narcs are. The narc told me I was the only woman he ever loved, that when he dated me in high school, it was the first and only time he fell in love. Now, it looks like the narc is going after another girl from high school (married). I bet he has told her the same things. I bet he's using the same lines he used with me: "Abelard & Heloise?! Lightweights in the world of fit. We belong together, darling girl. Where you zig, I zag. We fit." It sounds like you continue to believe that the narc's statement of loving/liking you the most means something substantial. Being told that by a narc is like being told that you are the favorite toy out of a whole box of toys. Don't confuse being the favorite toy with being truly loved and cared about.

#12 Nov 19 - 8AM

ruby01 (not verified)

Amen

I totally agree. Anything to do with them past, present and future= TWOT!

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