For those of you who escaped marriage to a Narc, BE VERY GRATEFUL. DIVORCE FINAL IN 2 WEEKS!

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victimnomore
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For those of you who escaped marriage to a Narc, BE VERY GRATEFUL. DIVORCE FINAL IN 2 WEEKS!

After the psycho called my father and cried and begged for my father to talk to me about giving up a lot of my alimony and threatening to go back to prison because he cannot pay his bills and can't live like this anymore, He decided to sign the divorce papers. My lawyer was not budging on anything but letting him keep $50 per week of his own money.

He also requested some holidays with our teenager. (He never spent any holidays with us when he was home, he always had to leave or work). When he filed for divorce in march he had it in his mind that he was going to walk away with at least $50,000 (the house, 401k and bank accounts.

I have stood my ground and it was not easy but I will tell you that by me being completely NC ever since he left, I am stronger than ever when it comes to him and his BS.

Thank God, I get to keep my house and all of my assets. I have sole custody of our teenager and I have permanent alimony and he has to pay child support. I am not bragging I am just so grateful for a good attorney and this board. When I first came to this board I was a suicidal mess. I could not stand up for myself and I did not want to. Everyone's story is of help to me and I still read everyday even though I don't post much.

It took me about 27 years to get out of this mess because i ignored red flags that appeared 3 months into the relationship. But I am here, I am out, the fog has lifted and I am finally free!

Girls, hear me please run from these psychos as fast and as far as you can and do not look back. Those of you who did not marry a narc or was duped by them, consider yourself very lucky and look at it as a second chance for a good life.

I am a better person and our teenager is so much better off with the psycho out of the house. I am proud of our recovery and I see nothing but good things for our future.
Keep moving forward, let go of the fantasy, accept what he or she is and just watch what amazing things will come into your life. I am proof and believe me I have been to the lowest depths of hell and back with this man but I am a survivor and so are you.

P.S.

The fat turd can now crawl back under his boulder! LOL!

Peace!

ready2receive
ready2receive's picture
My Papers Came Today!
Congratulations, Victimnomore. My papers just showed up today and I'm relieved. And exN was just hoovering this morning at 4am via text!!!! Sorry you had to endure such a long marriage to the N; mine would have been only two years next week. Much happiness to you!
victimnomore
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Congratulations ready2receive
Wow! I am so happy for you. I am also happy that you had the courage enough to leave after a 2 year marriage. One day with a Narc is tooooooo long! Peace and blessings to you. And enjoy your new found freedom! Yipeeeeeeee!

victimnomore

uk lady
uk lady's picture
Fabulous news
I am so happy for you to finally be at peace after the years of trauma. You and your teenager deserve all the good things that will come back into your lives free from the ex. I think that boulder must be a little overcrowded nowadays with all the fat turds that are trying to crawl back under it. Mine included. LOL Dee x
victimnomore
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Ha Ha UK lady
Yeah I would imagine how crowded it is under that boulder. It never cease to amaze me at how greedy and childish these N's are. I am just happy to be free from his control after all of these years. Thanks for the support. Peace!

victimnomore

Sea
Sea's picture
Congrats VNM! You and your
Congrats VNM! You and your teenage will have peaceful narc free sunshine days ahead :) The best thing ex narcky gave me was to refuse to marry me. He refused to marry any women ever. Later i realised he's actually mentally married to his mama dearest. Anyway it would have been double whammy for me if i were to be his wife cos he's a legal expert. I would have the worse nitemare divorcing him later. You are right i am lucky to escape.
victimnomore
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Sea
Yes, you are very luck to escape. marriage to the narc/psycho was a never ending nightmare. I finally feel normal. You know I haven't though about that in awhile. I really feel normal again. Mentally I still have issues but without him in my life I feel 100% better than I have felt in many years. Here's to a new and peaceful life! Peace!

victimnomore

Tiffany30
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It's one of the worst things,
It's one of the worst things, to have to fight a divorce with these assholes. I had a good lawyer too and came out a good victory too. It was the only time in our relationship and marriage that he didn't "win" something. I was only married to him for 5 years and thank GOD I didn't have children with him! Congrats to you and your teenager!
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture
Tiffany
I really hate to say this but yes, Thank God you did not have children with him. The psycho I was married to was trying to not pay alimony and he wanted half of the house that I purchased while he was in prison. He wanted half of all of my bank accounts and even the equity in my new car. LOL! (I didn't even know that cars had equity) He is a greed and selfish jerk. Well I felt that it was a win win situation for me to let him keep 50 dollars a week of his own money so i can get rid of him once and for all. He will never see the 50 dollars because he spend money before he even get it and his accounts are always overdrawn. And also he have to pay for our son's college because he make way more money than I do. This is the first time in my marriage that he did not get what he wanted and now he is crying like a baby. Poor baby. LOL!

victimnomore

freaked
freaked's picture
VMN, you are indeed BLESSED
God's Blessing gave you this exit from hell dear Victimnomore. Shine on beautiful Star.. the Universe is about to become beautiful again for you. "afoot and light-hearted, i take to the open road! healthy, free, the world before me! the long brown path before me, leading wherever i choose" from: "poem of the road" - walt whitman 1856
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture
Thank you freaked
Yes, God's blessing are everywhere. I am truly grateful for my faith in God and I know that he carried me through this storm and will continue to help me on my journey. Peace!

victimnomore

Layla
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Congratulations victimnomore!
It is truly great news that the disordered one is not getting what he wants in the divorce and that you and your son are moving on healthily! I am happy for you both!!! love~ Layla
victimnomore
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Thanks Layla
When He first filed for divorce I was so afraid that he would take what little that I had left. He took so much from the marriage already. He was physically, emotionally, sexually and verbally abusive to me. Financially he almost wiped me out. I stood my ground and I refused to let him walk over me again. I am so happy without him in my life and He only saw me once in 16 months and that was our court hearing. I refuse to co-parent with him and I let the court know this and they had no objections. I promised myself after the last D&D that I would never let him hurt me again and It was up to me to protect myself and I have. He lost the best wife that he will ever have and I don' t give a damn who he marry in the future, But I will pray for her because she is going to need it. Believe me, I know! Peace!

victimnomore

spinning
spinning's picture
VNM, you are one of the most shining
examples of what hard work and determination to free yourself from the bondage of chaos and pain can bring. I remember when you first came and started posting. But I also remember your determination then. You ROCK!!!! Thank you for coming back to share this. What goes around truly comes back around. You are getting the results you worked hard for and earned. Love and peace to you, (not) spinning. JUST GRINNING AT YOUR SUCCESS AND STRENGTH!

spinning

victimnomore
victimnomore's picture
Thank You spinning
Thank you so much spinning. You are so positive with your posts and I remember reading your posts and getting so much encouragement and courage from you. You have helped me more than you will ever know. This board literally saved my life and I am forever grateful. Peace and light! I am sooooo happy that you are not (spinning) anymore!!!!

victimnomore

onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture
vicitmniomore
WAY TO GO, when i saw the old geezer a few weeks ago with the dumb blank emotionless look on his old face, I said WTF, did I see in him plus he shrink in height so much, NOW find us some good men!!!
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture
LMAO onwithmylife
When I saw him for the first time after over a year I was trying to get a peak from behind and I was like WTF! His ass is bigger than mine. LMAO! Why in the hell was I suicidal over that? I have no attraction to him whatsoever. If anything I am disgusted by him. He is a sad man and he looked miserable! Yeah!!!!!! Now bring on the good men. LOL! Love you! Someone good will come along.

victimnomore

Sparrow
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Now there's a great ending to
Now there's a great ending to a horrible story! Glad to hear it! Very happy for you! Congratulations! You have your life back! :)
victimnomore
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sparrow
The best thing that he ever did for me was to file for divorce. That put the fire under my ass and got me on my toes to fight for my rights. So, He set out to break me but he actually helped me. God works in mysterious ways! peace!

victimnomore

nomoredenial
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YAYYYYYYYYYY
I am very happy for you!!!!!
victimnomore
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Thank You nomoredenial
Thank you so much. I will be praying for all of us on this board! Peace!

victimnomore

missym
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In Same Boat
I will be divoced too by end of year. I still struggle - to be honest - with the fantasy and the addiction. We were married 16 years together 18. Lovely daughter 12. He continues to manipulate me and her...and with new GF,,,acts like he is so great and big man....course he never let 24 hours pass before he replaced me and us... I don't understand sometimes why I KNOW intellectually it all is the right thing. I KNOW I have so much ahead of me...more than I would have with him. But i STILL find myself lamenting what "blessings" we had as a family and get pulled under water. It just seems so wrong and so unnecessary. I wish you and your teen a new life - one removed of pain, suffering, anger, abuse, manipulation, etc. God Speed!
victimnomore
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Missym
Hi, I too was once where you are. I had this fantasy in my head that I held on to for dear life. I thought, Oh, it's not that bad. He loves me. One day he will wake up and see that I am a great wife. So i continued to try harder, to do things better, to give him more. Nothing worked. The hardest thing that i have ever had to do in my life so far was to stop lying to myself. I had to admit that I was an abused wife. I was mistreated and disrespected on a daily basis. And the biggie.......... MY HUSBAND NEVER LOVED ME! Once i accepted that, I was able to let go of the fantasy and move on. There was /is no good guy in the man that I married. He treated me terribly. I was less than an animal to him, but guess what? I am worthy and I do not need him in my life to tell me otherwise. I have shut the door and it will remain shut and locked. He does not deserve me or my friendship. There is nothing else to say. If it wasn't said in the 25 plus years that we were together than it does not deserve to be heard. Hang in there. You will get there. I also had the illusion of a good family but it wasn't true. You can still have a beautiful family with your daughter that is not poisoned with his sickness. You and your daughter deserve everything good. Just keep telling yourself that until you believe it. Peace and light!

victimnomore

missym
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Thank you
You are completely right about all you say. We tried, and tried, and tried to avoid what was inevetible...and what we were told over and over again _ WAS OUR PROBLEM. If I had all the money back from years of counseling (for myself because I was told what a fucked up wife and woman I was), I could go to Spain for a year. Finally, as you, I called BS...and asked for divorce. I still struggle with the FACT that he did not love me. Of course, he did not. THIS WAS NOT LOVE. Therapist/astrologer two years ago predicted all of what I have done this year, and told me also that he really does not love daughter genuinely either...because he can't. But he puts up a good act. I struggled to beleive that too....but his manipulation of her shows me as recently as this week how much he does not. I am so ready to pass 2011, and move on to NEW LIFE. Both of us together right?!!! Blessings to you and I will hold you both in my heart. Missy
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture
Missym
Yes, 2011 was a very hard year for me too. It was also a year in which I have learned a lot and gained my self worth back so i am ever so grateful for the struggles. I totally understand how you feel when you say that he does not love his own child because I know that my ex-narc does not love his child. He uses the child as a tool to try and get what he want. He also try to manipulate, but our teenager is very smart and see right through him. I asked our teenager the other morning "did you ever think about running away?" and the answer was yes, when my father was living with us. I was stunned, as I never thought to ask this question. I just assumed the Narc made my life miserable and not our child's. Hang in there. You are doing absolutely what is best for you and your daughter and If I never meet mr. right or marry again I am perfectly content with my life because i have a wonderful family and great friends and also, I LOVE THE PEACE OF MIND! I'm praying for you and your daughter to have peace in this life. Love and light!

victimnomore