Things they say - just not the WHOLE TRUTH of their words....my experience

"You slapped me."
What he won't tell you is that he would have me crying and literally shaking, saying things to me you wouldn't say to a dog, then he would get 2" from my face, smile with teeth bared, and say, "Come on, hit me, come on, go ahead, hit me." He also won't tell you about the time I kept my hands to myself but he was so enraged he lifted me off the floor by the neck. He won't tell you about that. And if he does? He'll say I drove him to it.

"You drink."
Again, here's a situation where I never even kept alcohol in the house until years before when he said it was cheaper to party at home, and there it was all the time to relax me from his mood swings. BAD IDEA. FUNNY THING IS I DON'T NEED IT NOW! He will call me a drunk to hurt me but I'm not. I am fully aware of what I say, how I say it, and I'm not falling and slopping all over the place (when I did drink with him.) I remember everything. I'm walking a straight line and am by no means intoxicated. Additionally, I didn't start the garbage. I never started anything with him whether it was water or wine I was drinking.

"You make me into someone I even hate!"
Yes, that's my fault too, apparently. He said he was always happy to lucky and let's have fun kinda guy, and I have made him into a miserable monster. He's ashamed but blames me for his behavior.

"You need to change."
But he will out and out tell you that he WILL NOT change because there is nothing wrong with him. He will tell you that verbatim, because he says, "How do I bother anyone? I come home, have a beer, sleep, play online poker. I don't bother anyone and I'm easy to live with."

"You are an insecure, crazy mess."
He will not tell you about the hidden cell phone he had 4 years ago, or the flowers he sent to his ex he claimed would not stop stalking him - the one that he hated so much - He won't tell you that very recently he told me he doesn't care who I f*ck, and he most certainly won't tell you that he gets his cell phone bill sent to a PO Box address that he refuses to give up.

"You won't let me go."
Have I always tried to keep him from moving out? Yes. But if he does, and the incessant phone calls I used to make didn't serve their purpose, I would eventually throw in the towel and focus on moving forward alone (17 times now)...hard as it was. And when I would? Well, after a period of 3 days to 3 months, I will get "the email" apologizing that it didn't work out, but it was out of his control, that he will always love me, or whatever.. Then I would meet him and within a couple weeks he would be home again. In the meantime though he would grill me asking if I had someone else or had met anyone yet. This time though he begs me to find someone else....

"I just want to have fun in the years that I have left."
I don't even know what this means. He's afraid of getting old. He's not aging gracefully MENTALLY. He told me, I hope I am always like a 20 year old in my head. I will never get old. I don't know how long I have left and I am not going to waste it with you playing house and doing this shit. When I say leave then, he doesn't go. Fun to him is the bar, harleys, women, financial security, travel and doing a lot of moving from state to state and place to place to "try new places in the world". I think at 51 years old with no money he's very unrealistic with a lot of hot air.

"I gave up everything...for YOU!"
The truth is, when I met him he wanted to move in with me and it helped me get a lower mortgage. My husband at the time left me with a hefty mortgage payment because he borrowed against our home without my knowledge. So when he left, N moved in and offered to take over the house loan in his name with me on the deed. What really did he give up? Freedom? It must have been horrible having someone who loved him to come home to at night with a hot meal, clean clothing, and someone that wanted to share and live life with him fully.

"This wasn't the original plan when we met!"
He says I changed the playing field on him. ?? I don't even know what that means.

The truth is, he wanted WILD. FUN. ADVENTURE. Well, so did I. I never had any before, so why not? So we tried that crazy stuff but it didn't work for me. I felt jealous and uneasy. He was very very disappointed in me. He said he would NEVER do that again with me. 2 years later, an opportunity presented itself, so he took full advantage, and stupidly, I hopped on board to make him happy.

Once he said he needed to be the "man in the bedroom" so if he wanted to bring a woman of his choosing home for us, I should embrace and accept that.

On the contrary, he once said bringing a 3rd party in would, admittedly be, detrimental to us. (no, ya think?) He said that what a woman and man do in the bedroom should be sacred and nothing good can come from including someone else.

WTF.

"I don't love you."
Narc speak that means, "You made me hate you."

Now that the fog is clearing, every moment, every memory, every trauma-bonded incident, is becoming a clear WTF moment.