The thing that stumps me most

after much reading and healing for the longest time, is that I can't ever say I had anything other than a wonderful childhood, despite its usual ups and downs.
I was cared for, had a lot of fun and affection.
Yes I had the usual, Father left when I was very young, step Dad (amazing man I might add) arrives, but no abuse, nothing untoward, and yet I still go around in circles trying to work out and forgive myself for allowing this to happen, not once but twice now.
I feel I should be digging around for the reasons why, so I can fully heal and never allow it again, but perhaps I am barking up the wrong tree ???