They tend to cheat with women not their type

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#1 Mar 2 - 4AM

Trulybroken

They tend to cheat with women not their type

My ex was in 3 long term relationships. One with his ex wife of 20 yrs, an ex GF of 2 yrs and myself, 5 yrs
His wife, ex and myself are all attractive women, but the women he cheated with, were all grossly overweight, were not attractive at all and were loud mouths.
His ex wife is a twin to Shania Twain.

When my ex and I were ONLY friends way before we dated, he told me about some of the women he would sleep with at work and then I met some of them and my first comments to him were "Why on earth would you sleep with these women when you can get anyone you want?"

Yeah, yeah, shoukd have been a flag, but I had no interest in him at this point so was not looking for flags.

I came to realize, it's easier to use the unattractive women because they latch on to his every word and cannot believe a super handsome guy with a great job and money is actually paying attention to them.

When I first saw the women my ex cheated on me with 7 months ago, I about fell over. She is about 250 lbs, looks like Rodney Dangerfield and is married with 3 little kids.
When I got into his email and cell to catch him, I saw pics of her naked and she had no breasts, was totally disgusting and her emails were sick and needy and pathetic.
He ended up seeing her when I left him and then heard, she was leaving her husband for my ex and he ran! He used her too! Can't say I felt bad for her since that's what you get when you're a cheater!

It's only now I'm understanding this whole sick need for narc supply! It doesn't matter who they are or what they look like, as long as they get that supply.

#2 Mar 17 - 4PM

michele115 (not verified)

Poking my nose in here I'm intrigued

Given their inability to attach, the fact that they constantly operate on the false self and do not know themselves... What exactly is their "type?" I'm having a hard time processing this concept...

#3 Mar 3 - 12AM

venuslovedpluto

TrulyBroken

For karma's sake, I hope you're stunning.

#4 Mar 2 - 8PM

ImStrong

The uy so have a type..my ex

The do have a type..my ex narc only dated skinny anerexic looking girls. I was thicker more vuluptuios..he even told me my body type was different from his exs..when I saw the new girls after me yhey where all skinny maybe breast but absolutly no ass...and barely anything just straight down no curvs but a bobble head..i was hoping to see one girl with body,after me..but none..i guess he likes the scrony weak type..i got a lot of attetion..those girls blend in..hr needs all the attention...so we couldnt work

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#5 Mar 2 - 9PM (Reply to #35)

michele115 (not verified)

Their Type is whatever they can degrade...

Skinny becomes "Too skinny" Voluptious becomes "Too fat" Intelligent becomes "Too intense" You get the pattern...whatever he can degrade...whatever he starts out calling a "strength" or "attractive" or whatever...that is exactly what he will use to destroy... Sick... I read that in some cases they go for the "dumb blonde" types...mine did that... That is NOT to be misunderstood or taken to mean that I think any blonde is "dumb" that in itself is an abusive phrase most likely coined by a Narc in Hollywood somewhere...BUT... He married and divorced a "blonde" and is currently shacking up with a "blonde" and this for a normal person would not be "significant" I'm all for interacial dating...I am mixed myself; however, there was also an heir of arrogance with his "ethnicity" he is mixed Puerto Rican and part "Portugese" and it was touted by "Daddy" that he was "Portugese" and within the Latino ethnicities there are all kinds of ignorant "classifications" of which one particular ethnicity within the latino community is "far" superior...of course "European Spaniards" are at the top of this "illusory" superiority...and I don't want to make this a "race" "ethnic" thing that is not my point...my point is that on a very clear level...this man is not at home with whom he is? I also find it interesting as I wonder if on some level because of abuse he's suffered, his mother being a devoted doormat and did nothing to protect her children if on some level his hatred is indirectly towards his mother and her ethnicity?...sort of like "I spit on you too?" I will find the extreme polar opposite of whatever reeks of YOU...? Which is why all the Latino/Black women he dated were just "not good enough to marry?" He has secured his "White" fantasy...but there is a distinction in class and that is where he misses the boat...but in all his false projections...his image in his depraived mind is "improved" with Miss Trailer Park on his arm as opposed to the other women of "Various" persuasions that are mixed and not "White" and in reading about their going for the "dumb blondes" that really struck a chord because I had never thought about it that way? If it were me...from my perspective...it's got nothing to do with color but quality, values, the soul...who the person is...I wish I could share a pic...every pic she's just all over him kissing him and it is so fake to me...and observing from the outside, it appears she is already insecure?...BUT more than that...you can see the "sickness" in the pics and he's sunk so far down it has helped me in my recovery because I was able to realize that NO this isn't personal...he's SICK! AND I don't say it out of jealousy...she really does look like Courtney Love BEFORE rehab...washed out and HARD...and he's looking shabby too...pics when we were together vs. now...NIGHT AND DAY! NOW...if he had found a "Blonde" or whatever color hair OR ethnicity that on some level I felt was at least an equal or greater - that would have been a blow - A BIG ONE...but seeing what he's rolling with...it's a lack of CLASS thing and that he can't even see that... I hope I'm understood on this...I know race/ethnicity is a touchy subject...I am a mix...it's an observation I'm sharing about the Narc's self loathing and his insecurity more than anything else...and how they are driven by ego, are insane and it's about supply...ANYTHING will do. I like to say it's hard going from Filet Mignon to Ground Beef...most normal people at least try to stay on a level path...most normal people can handle being alone...these guys are so desperate...ANY stray will do! WHICH means that in the grand scheme of things...all our qualities were wasted and it makes sense to try to really understand that yes, we are hurting but it's for the best because we held no VALUE to these specs of humanity... Simply put...we made a mistake. WE have to forgive ourselves for that mistake in judgement but not cling to his disordered "Glory" because it serves us in no way, shape form or fashion. Curious to know where some of you feel where you are in the recovery process...do you see him now with a different lens or are you still stuck in the cognitive dissonance thinking that there might be some way to redeem him? That there was more you could have done?...That if you played the game better?... These are all thoughts we have at some point...usually in the beginning when we don't understand all that is involved... But the only way I can put it in perspective and I say this without hostility...bottom line, these guys are so distorted and disordered...they really do need to be placed in the "insignificant" category on our list...because in actuality...they really really are..."insignificant"...unable to process, think, have a real opinion of anything...they ARE empty walking shells of need...no soul... In terms of evil?...I won't even go there...Evil is powerful...that would put them in a significant category...EVIL although negative holds Power... These guys are just nothings...waste...blanks...empty...and we need to ask ourselves what is the best way to really own this, understand it and get past it...

#6 Mar 17 - 4PM (Reply to #40)

ifinallygotit

michele115

Your words are so well put together. i can really relate. I am not mixed but I am a dark ethnic type white person - he is a light skinned afro-american so we were not far apart... He was always attracted to elegant, educated, beautiful dark women of all races - his kids were with black or mixed women so I fit his type . He admired Halle Berry type women...(not saying I look that good!!! but I am attractive and classic). After he moved and abandoned me, he hooked up with a bleached blonde hooker looking lady, with bad cosmetic surgery, fake everything and loud provocative clothes showing her stuff! I snooped on facebook ..she might be a nice lady though so not trying to be a snob - but its like he picked a cartoon of what the masses would say is "sexy" and is flashing this on FB. She too looks already insecure and is throwing her arms around him while he hangs both his arms down, not reciprocating and smiles...It looks like he took the pictures! they have only known each other a few months and he is showing this off to his FB fans - his family did not appreciate the pics and made nasty comments...I too would have felt much worse if it was someone I admired. I do feel a little bad that she is younger than me, but mostly shocked and repulsed...like who is this guy I just loved for 10 years? Is this what he wants from a partner? No not a partner, a new sex toy...he is in his 50's now and it is pathetic to see him trying to get attention and thinking a cheap looking woman will impress his peers...On a side note, he only was pleasant on the phone or quick to pick up his cell if one of his guy friends was there to hear him talk - I guess he had a deep need for his friends to think he was in demand...he was totally different with an audience...it is very out of character for him to post a pic of him with a lady, so he REALLY must think this is great supply...I was surprised I was not jealous, but its just too bizarre feel that way - and to each his own...

#7 Mar 3 - 1AM (Reply to #36)

ImStrong

Michelle115 amazing point..he

Michelle115 amazing point..he would say im too fat and the skinny too skinny..but why is he just sticking to skinny that whats puts up my brow.. And the race issue with you ex..i believ ed is true.. He is punishing his mother by goin pearly white..these men hate there mothers and hate us..if they can destroy us they would..they also fear us immensly That is why we must get devalued before discarded..that is the whole point of our discarded dead bodies..thats how they view it..after the degrade..its because they fear us..so putting us down is a way for a bully to feel power..throwing us a way is also another significant way to feel power. Good old d&d Most importantly "Dumb Blonde" struck a high cord.with me too..my narc mother use to call me that..my insecurities was built on that and neither was I white nor blonde..but she provoked and laughed at anything I did when I was young..on top of that like a narc She abused me with her words..calling me dumb blonde That right there was amazing to me when I read it could not beleive it

#8 Mar 3 - 2PM (Reply to #39)

Susan32

Getting devalued before being discarded

After I met the long-distance girlfriend, I was no longer weeping all over campus. I cleaned myself, got myself up, started all over again. It was after the final D&D, I made a point of being at my best... I know he feared me... and I WANTED him to be so afraid that I could taste it. I know how he enjoyed feeling power over me, in the end, that he enjoyed having the power to reduce me to tears.... so of course I wanted the last word. I didn't want to be the dead body on the side of the road;I wanted to be like those ghosts in those stories that haunt&drive their murderers to madness. I wanted to leave him questioning his reality very, very deeply because he had hurt me THAT much. When I left town, yes, it was out of self-protection. I was afraid that he could kill me... that was why I didn't give my home address and my phone number. I was the one who declared my love... then abandoned him without a word of goodbye. This ex-P had constantly called me the Devil, demonized me, called me a slut whenever I wore a dress, I KNOW my suicide was his triumph... in the end, his madness would be mine. He was the one who constantly called me a narcissist... and I had the last word. Because I insist on it.

#9 Mar 3 - 1AM (Reply to #37)

michele115 (not verified)

Imstrong

I read everything you wrote but what has touched me the most is the cruelty you were exposed to as a child... I am sorry you were exposed to such pain and it is so hard to get rid of the lies... BUT you are not a dumb blonde and I hope if you haven't shed that image of yourself yet...if you haven't been able to silence the voices... We can overcome that. I've had to do some work myself on those "lies"...I don't know if any of my stuff is conventional... I opted to become a part time Narc...and make it all about me by any means necessary...have at least 100 pics on FB in various scenes that I've superimposed of myself...VERY uncharacteristic of me...it was about going the extreme polar opposite of who I've been with the hope that by going to the extreme eventually I'd find the middle? There is no such thing as a dumb blonde...NONE...Marilyn was not dumb...look at Paris Hilton...she "acts" dumb and perhaps we might not agree with her lifestyle...but it takes brains to carry on like she does and still find herself plastered all over the place...I don't belive in dumb blondes...I believe it was a phrase coined by a man who couldn't "control" a blonde...but that's my take... Hugs!

#10 Mar 3 - 6AM (Reply to #38)

ImStrong

Wow michelle im shoked how we

Wow michelle im shoked how we have so much in common. I also went to every extreme in the book from promiscuity to weird fashion to who knows why just to find my middle..just to find who I am and to prove im not the dumb blonde.. im standing here at 27 still trying to find me..this time im taking it slower..i have no ticed since the narc.my entire perspective on this world and parenting has changed also relationships..specifically the boundiers I need.to have to be a heathy person..i beleive realizing theres something wtong with my mother and realizing she.too is a narc..hurts me more th han being that "dumb blonde". They all are knives with deep wounds.. I know aware why I have a history of narc.relationships.and friends..it started at my home..xx

#11 Mar 2 - 7PM

justicejones

My ex husband Narc cheated

My ex husband Narc cheated with white trash. That may not be PC, but it's true. One was some gal who didn't work, stayed in sweat pants all day, screamed at her kids and watched Jerry Springer every day too! Two I never met. Another was a meth dealer, another was a toothless homeless girl, another was a meth addict who was involved in a counterfeit check ring with him, and the last one...the one who he married after he D&D'ed me and the kids, while still married to me--was someone he met at a convenience store. She was buying the same kind of beer as him and then he hit on her, she went home with him that night. She has had four children taken from her. Nice...classy women!

#12 Mar 2 - 5PM

jen79

Types

Actresses, painters, artists, models. I was the nobody, and of course the only woman he could not feel in love with, because my emotions were so intense, I didnt let things evolve naturally, you know. Anyway. I thought long about this, if I was his type or not, when we met, he told me he looked for someone like me his whole life, but we all know its just a phrase. I thought long about this, he made sure I know how often and how much he fell for other women, going crazy he always called that. But of course I was so special to him, that I am the only woman he couldnt fall in love with lool. It made me think, if it was the type thing. I wasnt the women he could present himself with in puplic.

#13 Mar 2 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

michele115 (not verified)

Jen

But of course I was so special to him, that I am the only woman he couldnt fall in love with lool. It made me think, if it was the type thing. I wasnt the women he could present himself with in puplic. He couldn't Jen most likley because you outshined him so you had to be kept in the closet... Think about it...they can't bear to "share" the limelight anything that detracts from them has to be locked away...

#14 Mar 2 - 11AM

hedidntbreakme

They Don't have a type

how could they. they come to kill, steal and destroy! their type can be anything that can give them supply - supply has no face or body shape. How can they have a type - they don't know who they are because they are constantly changing.

#15 Mar 2 - 10AM

michele115 (not verified)

Bottom line

They're pathetic...them and their fragile little egos. The only "Type" they go for is a target who later becomes a "victim"

#16 Mar 2 - 9AM

strongerthanever

My exN is a boob guy but he

My exN is a boob guy but he married someone with no boobs. The OW prior to me were all different. Different shapes, color and age. The younger the better. Married, the better. The women he cheated on me with were either very much over weight and older and not happy in their marriage or lonely. He was attracted to their personality. If they were chatty, admired him, flirted with him, he kept them around. Many he didn't tell he had a fiancee, me, or that he was living with someone, me. That hurts the most that I was not even recognized that I was alive. The "friends" that he keeps, are all ex's. He has no guy friends. The ones that I caught him flirting with, hiding, talking dirty to, were mostly married and not that pretty. His wife now is lean and slim, no shape at all. One girl he would use for sex and when he needed supply, who is the mother of his son (she tried to force him to marry her), he told me he didn't like her character, just her white skin. It was like milk. He gets turned on by that and it doesnt matter who you are and what kind of person you are. He will screw you and just chalk it up as hormones, "friends with benefits and we are all in agreement" so no harm done.

#17 Mar 2 - 4PM (Reply to #28)

dazed and seeki...

my ex narc had no guy friends

my ex narc had no guy friends either! this is a very strong trend huh? i should've known that this was a huge red flag. my friends are very close to me and are very important to me. my ex claimed this guy was his "best friend" - and i later realized it was because he was a total pushover and my ex would use him and mistreat him. that should've been yet ANOTHER red flag! as for friending his exes - well he was VERY shady and secretive about his past relationships. but i kept track when he's slip and talk about the past women in his life - and there were tons. he keeps in touch with them which is strange bc he totally used them. but they are mostly women from a country in latin america where he lived for 4 years. probably bc he knew he couldn't get women in the US. (he is an american). these women were probably using him as well - who knows. but anyway, i just think it's funny that all of our ns have no guy friends.

#18 Mar 2 - 3PM (Reply to #27)

strongerthanever

I would think it is a red

I would think it is a red flag then if they have no male friends and the "friends" they do have, they have either dated, slept with, or thinking about by flirting with them and stringing them along for future supply. As I sat in counseling today, I mentioned that I didn't meet any of his friends for 2 yrs. Not a single one! Why? There were none. He knew that if I did, supply would dry up. But, his new wife became friends with the one I caught him flirting with and didn't meet until 2 yrs in. She got to meet her a couple or few months while dating. That hurt. But, the counselor said that it might have been this married friend that insisted she meet the new girlfriend becase of what happened to me. My exN did say after our breakup that their friendship changed and is different because I did tell her everything that he did. I was NOT going to have him tell lies of what went down like how he hooked me in. If this married friend sees good in him and wants to remain friends, then so be it. I guess I changed things to where he couldn't keep the same pattern with her. This married friend did tell me once that my exN was very private. Yeah...I wonder why?

#19 Mar 2 - 2PM (Reply to #25)

Trulybroken

My ex has no guy friends

My ex has no guy friends either, only the women he's hooked up with! Weird! How lonely a life!

#20 Mar 2 - 3PM (Reply to #26)

Susan32

No guy friends

Same here. The ex-Psych professor once had a circle of adoring female professors... but that didn't last long. He'd treat his male colleagues rudely. One professor had gone to grad school with him, and couldn't stand him. The ex-P lacked male friends his age. However, he did have a circle of male disciples among the students. He preferred younger men.

#21 Mar 2 - 10AM (Reply to #22)

victimnomore

Ex Girlfriends

My Nh remains friends with every ex-girlfriend, fuck buddy or any other woman that he come across. This use to hurt me so much but now I don't give a f**k. He can't hurt me anymore. (now if only I can forget all of the other shit!) LOL!

victimnomore

#22 Mar 2 - 3PM (Reply to #23)

MandyM

Mine claimed he did. He used

Mine claimed he did. He used that in his favor: "I come with recommendations!" Now I wonder HOW they all stayed friends with him. Did none of them see what I saw at the end? Was he nicer to them when it ended than he was with me??

#23 Mar 2 - 4PM (Reply to #24)

strongerthanever

What I have figured out is

What I have figured out is the ones that are NOT friends with him, got tired of the in and out, i want you, i dont want you, and they listened to their gut. The ones that hang around, are naive, insecure, and didn't notice or find out that he was seeing other women on the side in some way. What I can tell, it was more of an emotional infidelity going on and physical would come very soon afterwards. It was like he was priming them for the big show. Yet he was smart enough to not cross that line just yet. I have wondered that too. Why was I the special one to have him keep me as a secret, lie, cheat, use me but, i allowed him. Others didn't and got away sooner than me. Or when they start asking too many questions and demanding effort from him, he broke up with them. I heard stories like, "i let her go so she can find her soulmate; she got a new job farther away and I thought it was best." the pattern for many yrs before me, HE was the one breaking things off and the girls were devastated.

#24 Mar 2 - 9AM

IncognitoBurrito

Gross!

He likes to surround himself with women. In fact, mostly women. All types of women. Some are relegated to "friends" (i.e. he is not attracted to them, or they are wives of his male friends, but he still may use them for other means, at a later date. If they happen to find him attractive, or desirable in some way, that's all that matters to him. That's the sticking point. BONUS points, if he finds them equally as attractive. Because then he can master the art of the tease, and never go through with it. He can wait until the last minute, and then use the excuse of their pre-existing marriage/relationship, to cut things off. Then he comes back for a little more. Rinse, wash, repeat. Indefinite supply!) His ex's were nothing short of stunning- physically, that is. Mentally, I'll never know, as he tainted their images with his own spin when speaking about them to me. By every indication, they were the total package- gorgeous, smart, jovial, head-strong. They all seemed extraordinary, in some way. Not passive, not average. Highly intelligent, and either entirely capable of success, likely headed that way, or already very successful, in whatever manner of speaking. He was sure to mention one such successful, strikingly beautiful woman, in particular, to me. He did so with more frequency after I started to question his feelings for her, and suggested that he ask her out. This made him angry. He denied it with such fervor, that I kept pressing him about it. Deny, deny, deny. These people really throw the term "friend" around loosely. All the while, he'd tell me every single time they'd hang out. I even got the "pleasure" of being shown every snapshot afterward. She had a BF, btw. This was his excuse, or part of it, for not taking it further. No matter, he was getting what he really wanted out of her as it was. The commonality between us all, I think, is that, to some extent, we were deeply in need of a shoulder, of reassurance. Hurt, in one way or another, and struggling. That tiny window of vulnerability may not have been plain to see in us, on the surface, but he was very good about noticing verbal cues. He paid attention. He would listen. He would dole out perfectly rational advice. He would claim to have received the brunt of dysfunction, on the part of all of his ex's. Ultimately, he could use their "abandonment" of him-and they all inevitably left, or found someone a little more sane- as a lure to evoke the sympathies of his next target. Yours truly. He could play the victim with me, to seem relatable, and to keep me open to sharing more details about myself, and my feelings. Simultaneously, he'd play savior. He had a preference for the unattainable, as the goal was never to actually attain at all. In fact, once he realized you were "too close," he'd f**k off altogether.

#25 Mar 2 - 4PM (Reply to #19)

dazed and seeki...

my ex did that too! (sorry i

my ex did that too! (sorry i am jsut still so stunned about the pattern these narcs exhibit) my ex would always talk SO highly about certain women and how amazing and beautiful they were. and he even mentioned fooling around with them - so i asked "then why aren't you after them?" and he'd give me some lame reason. do they do this to make us jealous? or are they unaware of what they're saying? if it's the latter, so that mean that they truly idolize these women so much they have a need to share with us? what is it?! i sometimes felt like my ex couldn't get with those women bc maybe they were too smart - and then i started comparing myself and well...needless to say, my self-esteem was completely shot after this relationship. which is stupid - because i went to the top schools, and people tell me how attractive i am all the time, and i am on my way to having a successful career - and he has none of that. and yet he completely took my confidence motivation and self-worth with him. and this is one of the ways he did that - always idolizing everybody in front of me. i found it very hurtful and rude. man...id like to see something about the way these men view women in general - we are so two-dimensional to them aren't we? madonna/whore. somebody they put on a pedestal vs somebody they completely use. im still kicking myself in the ass for ever giving him a chance...

#26 Mar 2 - 4PM (Reply to #20)

Susan32

He idolized MEN

I was in a different situation. The ex-Psych professor really didn't pit me against other women;he'd try, it really wouldn't work... but with the guys, it worked. He would purposefully make me jealous by apparently sharing his philosophy with his young male followers, but then being evasive with me when it came to philosophy... because I'm female. He'd be ogling men in front of me;he was smitten with his lab assistant my freshman year;when his assistant graduated my junior year, the ex-P attended his public oral examination. It was an openly gay prof who warned me about the ex-P, NOT a former girlfriend/ex-wife. I was warned by another man, not another woman(!!) The ex-P would talk about how he felt more comfortable around men than women. He favored male students over female ones. Some male students thought he was ogling them. I was two-dimensional to the ex-P till the end... then I became 3D like "Avatar" and made him nauseous... welcome to the world of Pandora...

#27 Mar 2 - 8AM

booboo35

This is gonna sound

This is gonna sound disgusting but my ex would have slept with his own niece who was 18 at the time if she had never had stopped him, HE got in to bed with her drunk and tried it on with her, They really would and definitely would sleep with anyone with a pulse!!

STAY STRONG!! XX

#28 Mar 2 - 6AM

Susan32

She was more HIS type

The ex-Psych prof D&D'd me for a very masculine woman. I'm tomboyish, but his long-distance girlfriend put me to shame;I looked like Barbie in comparison. He'd snap at me&call me a slut whenever I wore a dress (and it could be a dress as modest as a Mennonite)...but his girlfriend didn't wear dresses. She wore pants suits, tank tops... she had a crew cut like him. Of course, Arthur Schopenhauer said that effeminate men (and the ex-P had effeminate mannerisms, most people assumed he was gay) are attracted to masculine women. Schopenhauer, after being rejected by a much younger woman (she was a teen, he was in his 40s), spent his final years in the companionship of sculptor Elisabet Ney. Despite the fact Schopenhauer said that women were incapable of philosophical&artistic achievements, Ney was an accomplished intellectual&sculptor. Ney was famous for her masculine dress, manly ways, and the fact that she pretended to be single when she was married. Ney also admired Schopenhauer's writings. The ex-P wanted someone who looked... like HIM. He'd approve me of I wore jeans&a t-shirt, but if I wore in a feminine way, if I wore a dress, he disapproved. IMHO, the woman I didn't know about, his long-distance girlfriend... she was HIS type. He wanted a girlfriend who looked like him.

#29 Mar 2 - 5AM

michele115 (not verified)

Just on the Title...

WTH is THEIR Type? How does the false self determine it's type? Is it changeable? Just wondering...LOL!

#30 Mar 2 - 5AM (Reply to #10)

Happy1

michele115

I believe their type is anything walking, breathing and showing them an ounce of attention. 8-)

#31 Mar 2 - 6AM (Reply to #14)

Trulybroken

yes. when it came to

yes. when it came to attention, but not to be in a relationship with. His ex's and myself all look the same and pretty much have the same ways. His "supply" was whatever was fresh that day ;-)

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