1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. They changed forever, BUT WE will never be the same anymore, isnt it?

They changed forever, BUT WE will never be the same anymore, isnt it?

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mar 1 - 4PM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

They changed forever, BUT WE will never be the same anymore, isnt it?

After the downfall of that relationship, i dont feel anymore.

I once read: "any woman coming of a relationship with a scorpio would never be the same like before".

I am not someone very active in social life, but i already have quite alot of guys after me, WHEN i was in the relationship, and AFTER too.

But now i am even certain and sure i would never accept any of them.

I have met a charming and nice one.
A fincially stable, gentleman and caring one.
A helpful, nice and caring one too.

But none i will feel i will fall in love with.
Not the richest, the best looking or most caring.

I could be touched, but i dont feel the same anymore.
I become more skeptical,
more self defence,
more aware of those typical "i will never leave you" sentences,
more cynical,
more watevr etc.

I dont think/ i really know i would be able to accept anyone anymore.

I know some might think i am just saying out of anger or fustration, but i'm not.
We have all been throug those honey phases and words, "i swear i promise i will never leave you" (at that point it really seems very real).

All the more nobody, anybody who gona say this honey words anymore would do any impact on me- getting moved or touched.

In conclusion i seriously doubt anyone anymore would be able to crake me open anymore, i know the words, the stories.

The most i would only mislead guys around, never i will give 100% heart anymore.

A NARS changed, but we too, will never be the same.

Anybody feel this way too?
Please share..

Mar 2 - 8AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Its been a long year , my

Its been a long year , my goodness , and i have changed , when the dark cloud lifted at about 8 months NC that is where the real work stated on myself . I remember thinking i would never love again and i really think now it is yet another stage of grief but like all the stages it passes . I am the same person but diffrent and sooo much better , there is a depth that i have seemed to reach in my personality that i didnt know exsisted , proberly because the depth of pain the narc took me too was so deep . Its true we will never be that person who was so in love with a psycopath but in time and NC we become better i truely believe that and if there can be a silver lining for all of this then it is how much we learn in the grieving process . Hang in there , some times there are days when all you can do is put youre head down , grit youre teeth and get through it but as time passes thoses days become less and less . Time heals all ill , i told my friends seven year old that today as she has had her first heart break .. at seven ! Henry her first love didnt turn up at the school disco and today he ignored her all day ... it makes you weep . She asked me if she should write him a letter and i said NO you go NO CONTACT ... bless her little heart . Scoop x
Mar 2 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Scoop

I was tickled by the story about the seven year old..I actually let out a giggle here... Hugs!
Mar 2 - 6AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

I feel like

my innocence is gone forever and that may not be a bad thing, he did not kill my enthusiasm for life and ability to get along with all sorts of people, i am still basically me but wiser, and I hope better, having crossed from the other side from Hell.He DID NOT destroy me and in the end if I had still been with him, that may have been the case.
Mar 2 - 5AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Power of suggestion

If you believe it-it will manifest. My son's father was a Scorpio...yes, a rather dramatic ending to a very "passionate" relationship to say the least... Daggers flying left and right for a pretty long time... And you know, he has some Narc tendencies... BUT...at this point 13 years later...we get along pretty well...occasionally the darts come out but much better than daggars... AND we're over eachother...AND life goes on...AND you feel like this now, but trust me...it passes... No, you won't be the SAME...you'll be much better! This I can testify....
Mar 1 - 9PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Sounds

It sounds to me like your cynicism is a good thing, in this case. It'll help you sort out the wheat from the chaff, and God forbid, keep you from going back. If I were you, I'd keep that critical eye, that healthy amount of cynicism, as a new tool in your tool kit. To be used sparingly, and as needed. Don't feel ashamed of it. it's protecting you.
Mar 1 - 5PM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

I believe

I believe that I will never get married again. I have no desire to be someone's wife again but that is ok with me. i have been a wife for 25 years and I had a terrible husband. But, I would love to be in a relationship again. Sure I have been changed from this experience but I still believe in love. Not Narc Love but love, which to me means respecting and caring for someone and caring about their feelings. The comfort of another human being knowing that they will be there for you and you for them. One cannot help but being "changed" from all of this drama. I hope that I have changed for the better! Frankly I am glad that I have changed. I am out of the fog.

victimnomore

Mar 1 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Totally! I have changed for

Totally! I have changed for the better. I would NEVER have gone to a new meetup group by myself and be open and talk to people. I was and still a bit shy. I was so nervous about leaving the N at home. Afraid he would be calling up his ex's, which he did do i later found out, or on the computer looking at young women on porn sites, which he ended up marrying someone 14 yrs younger than us. My friends have said I am different. I am happier, sillier, more open. With him, I was the opposite. Now I volunteer, I talk to God daily and thank Him for removing N out of our lives and blessing me with a great job, supportive family and friends. I have evolved from this. I learned that I can't be healthy for someone else until I become healthy and do the work. The N would not see counseling or read books to figure his past out. This relationship showed me the connection from the trauma of childhood and how I keep picking men like my father. Tomorrow I go for my first EMDR session to reprogram my brain. When I have had a few under my belt, I will post on the board on how it works and how it is helping me. I've also created a vision board where I have what I want on it. I have a wedding ring, the dress, the traits of the man I should marry. Also other goals I want to attain. I look at it several times a day and I am more focused on me than worrying about what the N's issues are for the day.