There IS light at the end of the tunnel!

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#1 Apr 5 - 7AM
sweetpeasarah
sweetpeasarah's picture

There IS light at the end of the tunnel!

Hi everyone, I have'nt posted for a long time, although I do read on here occasionally.
After reading here today, I felt I'd like to say something in the hope it might help others to believe there is hope and life after the narc.
I have been off of the roller coaster experience with my ex narc (aka the toad) for about 3 years now, and life is great! It has been very much an uphill battle, but worth it in EVERY way.
If someone had said to me 4 years ago, that I would be indifferent to anything toad related I would and did'nt believe it, I was a complete and utter mess back then. Then I found this site, and with the help of everyone here my journey out of hell began.
For all of you here that are going through the devastating time of dealing with, or struggling to break free emotionally from your narc, please, please believe that you WILL come through it....IF YOU DO THE WORK.
As all the wonderful mods and long time members will stress, working on YOURSELF and no contact, is the only way.
I went back to the hell time and time again, hoping that this time would be different, hes changed, he loves me more than the others, hes sorry,,,, I could go on but you all know the way it goes. But, NONE OF IT, is real, NOT ONE SINGLE WORD.
As is said on here all the time, narcs DONOT know what love is, they have no clue whatever, and that will never change till the day they die.
For me, the journey began, by first cutting all contact, then I had the painful time of figuring out why I was drawn to narc types , because the last one, although the worst, certainly was'nt the first.
It was very hard to finally acknowledge that my lifelong emotional problems, lead me to be drawn to these 'types', I now know that my mother was a narc, she has passed on now, but growing up constantly trying to see any sign of love from her, was where my problems began, I don't blame her, as now I know she grew up in exactly the same way, with a narc father, but the experience lead me to pursue unconditional love and affection from my relationships with men.... and most of them were narcs. I believe that each time I was seeking validation from them, and the harder they made it the more I tried....exactly like with my mother.
So, my problem, from an early age has been low self respect and basically not loving myself, how could I when even my mother did'nt show me love!
I now feel completely different, since toad, I've not entered into another relationship, why? because I love being with just me, learning to love being who I am, alone, has been more theraputic than I have words for. Instead of jumping from one relationship to another, with the wrong men, seeking to fill 'the hole' in my soul, when all along loving myself has done it for me, I'm now approaching my sixties, and I'm finally ok.
So, all of you struggling, please please believe, the narc you are with, or have just left, cannot and will not make your life complete, hell will freeze over first. you CAN do it, trust me, I was a basket case back then, and when I think back now, its like, wow, was that really me? how did I EVER let that happen!
Please listen to the mods and everyone else here, they know their stuff and I could'nt have done it without them, work on your own issues, and most of all NO CONTACT....its the only way! You will have tough times doing it, but take it from me....there is a great big beam of light at the end of the tunnel, just keep looking sraight ahead at it.
Love and hugs to all of you, and thank you to everyone.xxx
Ps, oh and my ex toad? well guess what...he's still doing the same old crap all these years on, not that I could care less, but just proves they never ever change!

Apr 7 - 1AM
Ebony5389
Ebony5389's picture

Good to hear

You must pray to God to heal your mind and lead your steps. Its not your battle; its the Lord's. You need unbelievable faith in order to move forward.