therapy and i hope I can encourage someone today

Can I just say if you have the opportunity to go to therapy GO. I started back into therapy and it is really helping me. I started seeing a therapist last year and loved her. I am a christian and she is a christian counselor. When I saw her I was finding me again and I was starting to show independence. Well stbxh didnt like that and I had quit seeing her. We were "attempting reconciliation", so I thought. Instead it was just part of his game, so he could have his cake and eat it to. Sometimes I feel that saying, Love is blind, is really true. When you love someone or think you do and they have you "fixed" to their standards, its really hard to see things clearly. I wasnt seeing clearly and couldnt see that leaving my therapist was the biggest mistake I could have made.

He didnt like her because she was helping me stand up for myself and working on me. It took away his supply. My friend who is finishing her intern in family therapy and my therapist agree on him having a personality disorder. It was weird, they both said alot of the same things to me. It was really reassuring to me to hear these things from both of them. So if you can find a good therapist to help you thru this, I really encourage you to go.

Update on my situation. We go to court in about 7 days for the judge to sign off on the divorce. I have told stbxh that I want absolutely no contact and to keep it to son. I did sit son down and have a talk with him. I also reassured him that Im there to support him no matter what, whether its in a relationship with his dad or not. He is a teenager and craving that male role model. What I think is sad is my therapist and friend both say stbx will do to son what he did to me. I believe son is becoming or has become his new source. He isnt bugging me that much lately. I actually would rather it be me than my son. I think that is part of wanting to protect him from this. My friend and therapist both said that eventually son will get to the point of having enough and look at his dad and say I am done with you. Dont call me, Dont come near me, and I want no more to do with you. They think this will happen about early college age. They said its because about that age they are starting to find their independence and freedom alot more and thats when you can be a little more critical of your parents. My child other than my salvation is my most precious gift on this earth and right now I am trying to reassure him I am there for him and support him. Sorry this is long. I am feeling ok right now.

I am still having the anger issues. Whereas before I could get angry, fuss and get over it, and now I still have the surges and its harder to deal with. I did find a way to help with that. stbx is still mad that i want the no contact. He says im making it hard and why dont i show the public the true me. I am showing the true me. I am making friends and I am liking being on my own.

Right now I dont know if I love him anymore. I do know that I care for him and dont want anything bad to happen to him. I really believe I care for him because I have been with this man for 20 years. So I am still having my good days and my bad days. I still want to cry at times. So if you are really struggling, hang in there. It does get better, it just takes time, and learning to love yourself again. So work hard on that no contact. Yes that is very hard sometimes to get to and even do. I know that first hand. But I am finding when there is no contact, it seems quieter and more peaceful. My therapist said that is what I need right now because I cant effectively coparent with him because he sounds like he is trying to conform me to his wants and needs. She cant officially give him the diagnosis but she said it sounds like he does have a personality disorder and it has the narcissim in there. so right now she said no contact and only if necessary. The plan is to work on me becoming whole again and then she thinks I need to understand this. She has experience dealing with narcissim and personality disorders. She thinks understanding and learning how to deal with him (eventually) will help me find closure and heal and finish moving on. She said so when or if I go into another relationship that I will be ready.

So if you are struggling today. I hope I can encourage you whether you are male or female. There is always hope and it can and does get easier with time. You have to want to make it better and you have to learn to love you again. You need to remember you can only change you and you cant change them. You can only control you and you cant control them.