Thank goodness you're back.........

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#1 Nov 3 - 11AM
Skeeterina71
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Thank goodness you're back.........

I don't know what happened to the site but I haven't been able to get here for days and it's been rough. I hope all is well with everyone. Me, I'm not doing so hot. For the past several weeks I have been NC and I have to admit its been a little bit of a struggle. The last conversation I had with the exN was more than 2 weeks ago via text. In that message he told me to "lose his number" and "never talk to him again" and since I am aware of "boundaries" (unlike him) I was willing to comply to his "boundaries". Anywho, in these last few weeks, he had emailed me a couple of time giving me some bullshit excuse about how "my introducing him to astrology was great" because it "really explained why he acts the way he acts" and blah blah blah, which I did post about on here when it happened and i also blocked his emails.

My state was recently hit by Super Storm Sandy, and I hope everyone here stayed safe if they were in her path.........well, I guess it was Monday that the exN text me saying he "hopes my son and I are staying safe from the storm and are rebuilding our lives". I ignored the text and deleted it and turned the phone OFF. Well the other day I turned the phone back on to finish switching my contacts into my new phone and there was 2 more texts AND a new voicemail.

I was mortified because the first text was once again from the ex asking could I "please respond, we don't have to talk, just let him know we're safe" and the second text said "is a response from me too much to ask for", he "knows I hate him" and he's the "worst human on the planet" but that he "couldn't believe I couldn't at least let him know we're safe" and he'll "leave it up to me now" whatever that meant. And as far as the voicemail, because it came when the phone was off I couldn't see who called but as soon as I heard his voice I deleted it. First thing I have to say about his text was that, in order to be "the worst human on the planet" he'd actually have to BE HUMAN!! And secondly, I know he doesn't believe he's anything but awesome...........so his statement trying to convince me that he "understands my feelings" was just shitty of him!! I never ONCE told him I "hated him" especially after I read about NPD and emotional abusers I actually felt a little sorry for him (but not that much). He has said to me numerous times since I've left (before I learned about and started NC) that he "knows I hate him" or he "doesn't blame me for hating him" because he "knows he ruined my life". And at the time, I was angry and upset, but I didn't "hate him" since I was still hurt and confused and under the spell. I don't even hate him now because hating him gives him power over me and I'm to the point that I won't give him any more power. He's had enough power over me and doesn't deserve any more!

Is this more BULLSHIT?? I mean, as much as I have learned recently I really know that it must be. At this point I can't even be 100% positive he IS an N (even tho he has a LOT of the traits) but at the very least, he's an abusive asshole (I've read people who emotionally abuse have very similar traits as those with NPD). I'm angry with myself because I sometimes still find myself wishing his texts/calls are sincere and he really is "concerned for our well being" but at the same time I have to keep reminding myself that if he was TRULY "concerned", if he REALLY loved and cared about me, he wouldn't have treated me the way he did and he wouldn't have tossed us aside like trash. I have to ask myself WHY is he concerned NOW?? I have to remind myself that when you "love and care" for someone, you respect them and you work with them and you DON'T treat them the way I was treated..............ugh, I feel like a schmuck.

Well, so anyway........the good news is I've pretty much stopped "spinning" when he does contact me anymore and I also start counseling next week, yay.

Nov 4 - 3AM
Used
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skeeterina

Nov 3 - 11AM
Goldie
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What are you doing for reading up on Narcissism?

Nov 3 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Skeeterina71
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Talk about myself??

Nov 3 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
Goldie
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That's great

Nov 3 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
Skeeterina71
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The "good parts"......

Nov 3 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
Goldie
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Good, now stop feeding the bad wolf and keep feeding the good 1