Terrible setback....just call me Glenn Close!

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#1 Aug 29 - 8PM
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

Terrible setback....just call me Glenn Close!

Hi everyone...

I have been so bummed out about narc #2, that I stupidly reached out to narc#1 today. I have NEVER driven by his office, but today, I found myself there. I texted him and asked him if he would come outside to talk. No response. I called him. No response. I saw him through his window and I know he saw me in my car across the street! No response!

I feel like such a stalker!!! I feel so ashamed that I broke NC with him! He just totally ignored me. I am sure he got a year's worth of supply from that incident and is having a good laugh with the OW. :(

When I got home, I sent him a text that said something like this:

"That was an impulsive mistake on my part. Seeing you would have been extremely toxic for me. Thank you for sparing me."

OK everyone, let me have it! I know I royally f#$%d up!

XOXO....:(

Mer

Aug 30 - 1AM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

it is ok- we all make

it is ok- we all make mistakes like this... strange though because my lasted N saga has really made me want to contact my 1st N.... sometimes the feeling is just so odd... i find myself saying why am I missing that N. sometimes I even think he would give me advice on how to figure him out.... i picture him being able to tell me how the latest N thinks.... hang in, you are not alone.
Aug 29 - 10PM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Mer

Don't sweat it. The guys an a**. You deserve better! Recently, I dated a new guy. I dunno if he was a N, but did and said some narky things. Went back and forth b/t his wife (they're separated). Anyway, he made me feel like calling my exN, so maybe that's my sign. Sometimes, one N drives u back to the other N. Don't be too hard on urself. It was a learning experience and now you know. Hugs!
Aug 29 - 10PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

If he called me a bunny boiler...

I'd talk about wine pairings, and whether it should be braised or roasted! I live in a part of California that's snobby about its cuisine.
Aug 29 - 9PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I have a question

I never dealt with silent treatment from my ex after we broke up. He hoovered me...baited me. I'd text (thus breaking NC) and then he would insult me...and tell me to leave him alone. lol Crazy! Then...rinse and repeat. He would literally bait me a week or so later...like taunting me to call/text him. I would text (not to get back together, but to sort of see if we could somehow bury the hatchet and be friends...yea, right?) and then the crazy making would begin again. I eventually grew weary of this, and stopped... So my question is this...what did mer's ex get out of doing this today? Why didn't he come out to see her? What is the benefit to a narc, for staying silent, when someone is reaching out to him/her?
Aug 29 - 10PM (Reply to #18)
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

I don't understand why he

I don't understand why he wasn't at least curious enough to text me back. He could have told me to go away, but NOTHING. I just don't get it!!!!!!!
Aug 29 - 10PM (Reply to #19)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Mer, it's bc he is a N

If u try to figure it out, you'll get a migraine. Cowardice for one, afraid who might see, if it wud get back to gf, confronting u wud put him in touch w/ his real self. Something that destroys a N, like light to a vampire. As for texting, afraid it wud reopen things b/t u and him (cowardice), a text is proof tht could be shown to a gf (cowardice). I used to wonder why my N called me many times, but did not leave a mssg before I left. Cowardice. Also, I will never make sense of it or ever know. Honey, please don't try to figure it out. It isn't worth it. Deep breath and let it go. :)
Aug 29 - 11PM (Reply to #20)
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

Thanks Cali, I am trying to

Thanks Cali, I am trying to breathe. I just feel so alone. TWO narcs in a row!
Aug 29 - 11PM (Reply to #22)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Not alone

You are so not alone. My narcs were back to back as well. It was just too soon for me with narc #2. I had no idea what I was getting into........... Don't beat yourself up.............next time though, share a little more about him on the forum and let us help you to determine! :)
Aug 29 - 11PM (Reply to #21)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Mer, you're welcome

Mer, yes breathing is good:) I'm sorry ur feeling alone, but we're here. I had two narcs in a row too. Well, N #1 may have been just narky, but I think it primed me for the horribly hurtful r/s I had with my exN, lots of abuse and a devastating d&d. Thing is, we live and we learn, u know? We're surviving, tho it's really tough bc no one else around us knows and gets this whole narc situation. That makes us feel even more alone. :( You had a bit of a setback. It's ok, back up on the horse;) This too shall pass. Let him think what he's gonna think. Can't change that. He's a N, and will never see the whole picture, the pain he caused you...That is why u went there. It doesn't matter what he and his gf think. We know the truth and we understand. Hugs!
Aug 29 - 10PM (Reply to #17)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

D, one word answer

Cowardice
Aug 29 - 9PM
adoette
adoette's picture

Glenn Close

I hope you can shake it off. I know all too well the sick sinking feeling of no response. I think you recovered well with your final text. Dust yourself off and get back up. You're no stalker. You are wired to want to turn to him when you are at your lowest. You will be fully unwired one day. I'd place money on that. (((hugs))) Adoette
Aug 29 - 11PM (Reply to #15)
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

Thank you so much, Adoette.

Thank you so much, Adoette. Your post gave me a little bit of relief!
Aug 29 - 9PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I'm sorry, mer. :=( you

I'm sorry, mer. :=( you shoulda called me girl! i woulda talked you out of it. lol perhaps, in a strange way, it's good it happened. i mean...someone said on here when i kept breaking NC, that we have to hit whatever our all time 'low' is...before we stick with NC. I remember hitting it a few months ago, and that was it. So, look at it like perhaps this was the tipping point. I can't believe the ass didn't at least come outside. HE'S AN ASSSSSSS! Ugh. Sending your cyberhugs. You'll be ok. Just hang in there, everything will eventually work out.
Aug 29 - 9PM (Reply to #11)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Diedre

Diedre is right, he is an assssssssss!
Aug 29 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Having gotten to know mer a

Having gotten to know mer a little over the phone, I'd so love to kick her ex's asssss! lol Good thing I don't know where he lives, mer. ;)
Aug 29 - 10PM (Reply to #13)
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

Thank you, D. Love you!!

Thank you, D. Love you!!
Aug 29 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

D...It goes to show you how

D...It goes to show you how much he cares about me, huh? I was in an imaginary relationship with him. It's like I don't even exist. :(
Aug 30 - 12AM (Reply to #10)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

He might be a narc and a

He might be a narc and a sadist. ds
Aug 29 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Oh, Sunny....

The fact that you're saying this now after breaking NC today, is an indication that you may have needed this breach in order for things to really sink in. Hunter has often said that sometimes breaking NC is necessary for people to finally GET it. (I think this is recommended for Newbies and not Veterans, because it WILL set you back). And I can see her point. We are told to go NC once we realize what they are so we can get out of the fog and start healing, but there's a long period of time where we still feel the Cog Dis and it's hard to get rid of the denial. There's a teeny, tiny, wee bit of hope that after all this time of NC, they will miss us a little bit, or at least treat us with some respect now that some time has passed. And we still hurt. So we reach out for a little bit of validation, only to be hurt and humiliated again. Devalued. Discarded. By breaking NC you confirmed what is so hard to believe. We may know it in our minds, but not believe it in our souls. At the same time, that is also the reason we need to stay NC. By breaking it, we keep hurting ourselves. Knowing what we know, we are then inviting the pain that is sure to come. Because they do not and will not change. Try to look at this as a lesson. A painful reminder that you now have the resolve to stay NC the next time you get the urge. I wish I could say the urge will be gone completely for now, but it probably won't be. I feel your pain and I am so sorry. Smitten xoxoxo
Aug 29 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Mer...he's a bad guy. He's a

Mer...he's a bad guy. He's a different type of narcissist, than the guy I was with. The guy I dated was passionate/emotional/angry type. Yours is more passive aggressive...more silent treatment type of person. Brooding. Moody. But, the intent was to control you, hurt you...make you unsure of yourself. Two different men, but both narcissists. Both troubled. I think your ex is deeply troubled. So's my ex. But, at the end of the day...they're toxic. And so not worth our time. I'm sorry though. You're such a good person, mer. You deserve better.
Aug 29 - 9PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OMG,

As if getting over one of these mind fu@kers isn't enough! You poor girl. I think your allowed at least one free ticket out of jail. Put that incident in the past. That's done and over. But remember how it made you feel.
Aug 29 - 9PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

You are lost right

You are lost right now...........makes sense to me. It is natural I think to want to do what you did. maybe you were there in hopes to remind you that narc #1 was a total ass, as is narc #2. Rejection is a terrible thing to have to face and deal with. Just keep in mind, you are vulnerable, were vulnerable. It all blends together. There is a pattern for a reason. Spending some time by yourself is probably the best idea for you right now. Heal, work on yourself, become stronger and when the time is right, I honestly believe you will find a non- narc man. You are a beautiful woman, with so much to offer a man. A non narc man that is! Thank goodness you didn't have too much time invested in narc #2, doesn't make the pain any less. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Stay strong and please know that you will one day be able to put all of this behind you.
Aug 29 - 9PM
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

With my 20 yr. track record

With my 20 yr. track record with the narc, I am the last to let you have it. I will say, you deserve more! You are here with us, so you want more. Just keep going and you will get there. It takes some longer than others, so don't be hard on yourself. After the last D&D, I was too ashamed of myself to let him back in my life. It had finally dawned on me what I had allowed myself to become. It wasnt who I was or who I wanted to keep being! It is all up to you. Be strong and fight that next urge. One urge at a time. XOXO
Aug 29 - 9PM
Layla
Layla's picture

I'm still laughing at the "Glenn Close" comment! Hahaha!

Goodness gracious at least you kept a sense of humor about it....ok, ok, you really messed up and worse, HE SAW YOU!! UGH!!! Stay away from his rabbit cages!!!! I think you learned the lesson here, because here you are, totally bummed you did this....live and learn.......live and learn......
Aug 30 - 4AM (Reply to #2)
Wallace
Wallace's picture

He he he....I was also

He he he....I was also laughing! You only reach Glen Close status when you boil the bunny! Drive-by's are not that bad - we've all done them. I drove past my ex-N's work yesterday and flipped his car the bird. Silly but it made me feel better!