~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
When I took the NB back after we had split for 4 months, I had that little voice in the back of my head saying "no, no, no, no!!!!!!!!!!!"
But I had just gone through Christmas without a signifant other (I wasn't alone - took my then 15 yo son to Disney). I missed the intimacy, the expectation of a date every weekend, someone telling me he loves me... You get the picture.
He promised to be different than before, and he promised to marry me.
He was great for the 1st 6 months back together. Then the old N-guy showed back up. Last July, he invited people to "our wedding" on a Saturday night. Told me to make plans and find out costs. By the following Thursday he just couldn't see himself married. He's just "too difficult to live with".
I started disconnecting then and there. I gave him so much more time, and I left him shortly after Valentines day. he accused me of having an unreasonable timeline and said he'd be a horrible husband.
I asked him what made him think he was a great boyfriend if he knew he would be a bad husband???
I had a couple of times where we nearly got back together after I left him this time, and it hasn't happened. The best thing I did was NO CONTACT! He wanted to "remain friends" because he said we were better off communicating - he meant HE was better off. I was confused. I blocked him from calling or texting.
Now I feel much better and all the reading is helping me further see him as an "object" rather than a person. I am going to therapy. I am meeting new guys all the time and weeding out the bad apples.
Don't ever be afraid that no one but your N will love you!! It simply is not true! While I don't have that kind of relationship yet, I have no doubt that I am a good catch and loveable! All of you are too!
Don't settle for a 10/90 ratio of good times to bad.
Amy :-)
Sassyredhead,
The first time we broke up he initiated the break up. But I went out with a guy 3 months after and he found out. That's when he wanted me back.
But he did constantly bring up and throw in my face that I dated someone else that I knew before we broke up.
This time I left him. Before "no contact" he did throw it in my face when I was sad: "You did this Amy. YOU dumped ME. You think I need therapy."
The last time we talked he said he still can't get past some things between us. Meaning that I dated someone else after we broke up, and I told him I didn't want to end up like his ex (who he dated on and off for 10 years - we dated for 4.5).
So yes - he is the type to hold small things against me forever. They are criminal offenses. I, on the other hand, was supposed to over-look everything he did: planning to see a married woman when he went out of town, the 1 am phone calls from his ex-girlfriend, his VIP room pass to the strip club, etc....
Insanity!
Amy, your story rings similar to mine, he left, begged to come back each time...after our second reconcilliation, we we were engaged, he pushed everything...what kind of ring do you want? where do you want to honeymoon? He proposed, pursued plans...then when the date got close, all the sudden, it was JUST me talking about it, his interest was fading...then he asked not to 'rush' things, let's give it a few more weeks.
Oh, and now we can't TALK about it because he feels bad...(even tho I was a complete wreck!!) -- so I basically had to shut up about getting married. It took me forever to get to the point where I even wanted to get married again in the first place.
What a huge brain screw for me this was!! Oh, and another similar thing - when he left this time, I've done pretty good at the ignore/no contact thing. He's masterfully turned it around on me, now it's MY fault I don't have a big enough heart to listen to him and try to find compassion.
So YES, they do manage to turn things around and blame us for YOU NAME IT, no matter how bad their original offense was. I forgave him once, twice, but three strikes - he's out.
Annndd...typical, they hyper-focus on small things and continually torture you about it over and over again. But they are blameless, right?
Sorry to ramble...your posts were very triggering! But it's really good for me to keep these thoughts in the forefront.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com
Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
SEE TOP POST
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily
"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
sassyredhead - read top post
yup...
Throwing the Past in Your Face
Not the first time
similar
the temptation to take him back
tempted to take them back and try again?
tempted to try again? or go back?