temporary reactive narcissism

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#1 Mar 5 - 7AM
BlueMoon
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temporary reactive narcissism

Hello!

What do you think about the concept of temporary reactive narcissism, borne out of relationship without compassion or empathy?

This concept can be found on the website www.compassionpower.com, started by Dr. Stosy, who posits that when two people are involved in an unhealthy dance in a relationship fed on anger and resentment, temporary pathology can make people lose touch with their core value, which in turn creates abuse and a victim-like stance from both parties.

Stosny says that they key ingredient to a healthy relationship is compassion borne from core value. He also says that it is impossible to diagnose one's partner, as we are too close and not professionals, although most people (men and women)do indeed label their partner as crazy, narcissistic, co-dependent, bipolar, etc.

He does state that of course there are people with true pathology as well, and the only way to steer clear from these people is to nourish our core value...he writes about very interesting ways to do this. In addition, he approaches emotions and core value from a scientific angle- getting blood flow to the right areas of the brain in order to most optimize our thinking.

I really like his work.

Sep 16 - 4AM
KeshaN
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What did you click on in this

What did you click on in this site to find this information. I have not been able to find anything on Narcissism at that site. thanks
Sep 11 - 10AM
maruli
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Another Form Of Reactive Narcissism

It seems at least possible, that someone, who gets bullied or has other bad experiences as a consequenceo of disorders like Asperger's, ADD, Alexithymia, ODD, reacts with a variety of narcissism, which is different from NPD. Jerks with NPD are usually capable to manipulate their victims. The loser's reactive narcissism is more defined by entitlement and grandiosity delusion, but without the appropriate skill.
Mar 5 - 7AM
BlueMoon
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compassion

Stosny also talks about how important it is to have compassion for oneself as well...that this is key.
Mar 5 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
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BlueMoon

I have read Stosny's work extensively. Personally I think he's splitting hairs here. Reactive Narcissism? I don't believe it exists. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 5 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
rache
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i have to agree

with Barbara on this.
Mar 5 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
BlueMoon
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I can see your point

I guess I believe that because narcissism is a part of human development, and to some degree can be healthy, it depends upon the individual couple. Narcissism, from what I have read, becomes a problem when it remains unchecked and is a personality disorder, as with any other facet of personality development that overtakes and becomes the main motivator. I know, from looking back at my past behavior, that I have had temporary narcissism, in reaction to when I felt victimized. Also, I think a true narcissist is unable to reflect in such a fashion.
Mar 5 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
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healthy narcissism vs NPD

Healthy Narcissism is fine... and desireable NPD can come from development or genetics, as shown by MRI scans of the brain... or both nature & nurture and is a pervasive personality disorder that in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM should be conflated with Health Narcissism in normal persons. My $1.39 ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 5 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
BlueMoon
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absolutely

I think it is interesting though, in times of profound stress, how people can display inordinate narcissism. I think we are on the same page here. In developing compassion for myself, I have been able to develop compassion for others (i,e, Stosny's theory). I see this in terms of dealing with my 12 year old son- when I was able to be my best, I was then able to calm down and see his point of view, instead of relating his behavior back to how it affected me. Our relationship has been a million times better ever since. The spectrum of what is healthy and what isn't can be blurred according to the circumstances, from what I see. However, this is NOT to be confused with clear and blatant sociopathic behavior, which is all-encompassing and predatory, like what is being experienced by so many on this board- my father was an absolute unequivocal sociopath- an N to the core. I think that distinguishing the differences on the spectrum has helped me sort out my fight or flight response in reaction to the fear of narcissists. If I can behave temporarily in that way, then others can too, out of the same fear, anger and resentment. In the absence of intractable pathology, I think we are all capable of both beautiful and ugly behavior. Living up to our best true selves (core value) keeps us beautiful inside. This means both understanding ourselves and others (compassion), and choosing, out of compassion for others and ourselves, whom to keep in our lives and whom to discard. Very tricky stuff.