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Tell Me You Don't Love Me

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#1 Jun 15 - 12PM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

Tell Me You Don't Love Me

Hi everyone.

Thinking about his words again.

EX has said more than 10 times since breaking up "tell me you don't love me!" I can't I don't that but it's stupid thinking I could somehow of fallen out of love at the snap of my fingers too.

His cheating hurt me so much because I loved him so much!

Or he will say 'tell me what we have isn't real!' all of a sudden our love is special to him and he wants to convince me going back to him is right because of the love. More like the love he felt from me, what I gave him is what he is missing now.

From what I have read they only want to belong to the exclusive clubs that don't want them, they love the chase more than anything and they think highly of themselves -others must too!

So what is it with all of this justification of love or questions about denial of love? or all his 'you tell me's....etc

verbal manipulation by applying just the right amount of aggression to bring about my response to soothe him and say 'oh no no, I DO love you" as if that is the life raft to us!

"LOVE SHOULD OF BROUGHT YOUR ASS HOME LAST NIGHT!" - movie qoute

i can still love him

and leave him

the worse he behaves the easier he makes it

I see that
My love for him doens't mean it's healthy or good for me.
My love for him can't fix cheating.
My love for him can't fix it to trust him again.

It seems so strange that only a narc can cheat on you and then chastise or make demands to acknowledge and recognize or appreciate the very love they just shit on!

He yelled 'you tell me you don't love me - you look me in my eyes and deny it!!!" I point out all his anger and hostility directed at me and then he would just say 'oh well that's because your making this so hard and not being reasonable'.

*The more things quiet down the more I can hear my own thoughts/feelings.*

There has been a pattern of answering to him - I see how he expects it. I wonder how I got caught up with him and didnt see it.

I swear we were -were- really happy together for a while.

******************

Jun 16 - 5PM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

It's amazing

Mine said the same thing to me some years ago after we were separated for 2 years and he bought a house with the OW. He called out of the blue and when he sensed me getting week he popped the question. Can you tell me that you honestly don't love me anymore? I was so thrown off that all I could do was hang up the phone. The all have the same play book. Keep moving forward you are doing the right thing! Peace!

victimnomore

Jun 16 - 4PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

BadaBing,

All this shit he is pulling is him being VERY upset with himself that he FUCKED UP in a major way and allowed himself to get caught. He's got so much rage and anguish over it but there it no way in Hell he is going to turn it towards himself, it HAS to be misplaced somehow. It has to be made into YOUR problem. I know this because mine did the same. I didn't walk in on him screwing another girl, but mine basically dumped me at the altar for someone else, thinking that was a good way to bring me back under his control and make me beg for him. I think it also was because he thought that by having to marry me, (AKA, COMMITTMENT)he was giving up all of the control that way too. But it backfired on him, and I called his bluff. I told him if that's what he really wanted then we were done for good. I WAS done for good that time. Not what N expected. Its only when a friend of mine pointed out to me that he suddenly realized that he hade just made a grave mistake, that's when I realized his rantings and cruelty to me was because he felt like a total fool, and to the greater audience he looked like one, too. But, of course, it had to be placed all on me. It was all my fault. that's the only way he could cope with it.
Jun 16 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

I DIDN'T want him to cope with it

I was *TIRED* of the ex-Psych prof dumping everything on me in the final D&D. I TOLD him point blank I was *TIRED* of doing all the apologizing... I was the one who was hurting... and as I put it on a condescending, patronizing, kindergarten teacher voice, "You're always right, and I'm always wrong, because you're the teacher" (my nephew has heard me use a similar voice, because he's almost 2, but the ex-P was pushing 37 at the time) The ex-P realized he looked like a total fool in front of his colleagues.... the final D&D was VERY ugly&VERY public. So, not only did I tell him to NOT dump it on me, but I dumped it back on him, and doubled the dose. I told him it was ALL his fault, I had simply made a mistake--humans make mistakes, and he made some mistakes--and that he was OBLIGATED to apologize to me because he hurt my feelings. I DEMANDED an apology. I know, I didn't get one. I didn't want him to "cope" with it by dumping it on me... so I dumped it ALL on him. I wanted him to feel as inwardly bruised as I was, if not more so. It wasn't enough to beat his ego till it was bleeding, it had to be left for dead.
Jun 16 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Susan

Well, at the time I thought the best way to "dump it back on him" was to just stay NC. When you stop being their sounding board, they have no choice but to move on to dumping all their crap onto someone else.
Jun 15 - 8PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I feel for you,

I think it makes it sooo much more difficult to get your head on straight when you have to physically see them. I have managed to work around facing my N for only about 7 days and it has worked miracles. Every morning on my way to work I am praying I will get another day that I don't because your mind starts to repair and you know the sight of them at this point in time might put you right back to square one and I think your N is completely aware of that fact. You will gain so much clarity with each day that passes without him in it. I wish he would just leave you alone. I really don't like your N. For that matter, I don't like any of them... but I really don't like yours! Take Care, Ruby
Jun 15 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Bada

I never once had a fight with my narc! We alway got along! When I came home the last time one year ago today, he started! It's insanity, he wants to break you " tell me you don't love me" he knows how How hurt you he know you love him! He's pushing your buttons, they hate to lose! Be glad you have a fresh start in time this will be behind you! Hunter
Jun 15 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

wow

Hunter that is incredible! So once you break up here comes MR Nasty? I guess you thought you were good friends too thanks! I would like to get a few weeks NC under my belt for sure!