Out of the meat grinder
I met my stbx/ narcissist/ psychopath, 3 years ago. About 1 year after my divorce. Looking back, I didn't have a clue about life. Very sheltered, very trusting and naive. I thought I knew what bad people were and how to spot them. I met him on the internet. He pursued me. I really wasn't that interested.
Once we met, he became a full blown aggressor/charmer. Something I had never experienced before with a man. My self esteem was about as low as they go. I was feeling vunerable and he swooped in charmed me, lied to me, rationalized everything he did. I knew that the red flags were there but I chose to ignore them.
The next 3 years became the most horrific 3 years of my life. This man has tied me up in a closet, held me hostage, reported me to family and children's services to have my daugther taken away from me. He stole money from me. He lied to people about me. He brow beat me daily, talked non-stop at me daily and raged on me as much. He broke many of my possessions, especially the ones with sentimental value.
When he knew I was vunerable or needed him for something, he would get angry at me. I had to walk to work once and take a taxi because he would let me use one of his two cars, because he was angry at me for ???? He drank, was a raging alcoholic. I tried so many times to get him help, but he ended up turning on me, getting angry at me for trying to control him. He loved to scare me and knew just what to say to get me going. the final straw (there is so much more) was when he gave my dog away. I am not even sure if he gave her away or mortally wounded her. I loved her so much, and he hated anything that I loved.
I am following the no contact rule. I saw him this morning following me to work. When I was half way there, I noticed he turned off. So I am thankful that he is not coming to meet me in the parking lot and making a scene. He hates making scenes in front of people because "it's shameful". I feel like he put me through a meat grinder. I have come out the other side in pieces (emotionally, phyiscally, financially, spiritually)...
I have my own apt, my safe haven, where I can do what I WANT TO DO, listen to WHAT I WANT TO LISTEN TO, and be silent! Awww, the SILENCE!!! He never stopped talking...
I feel grateful for having found this web site for the support. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!!!!