**tears*** I broke NC after 5 whole months!!!!!! ***so many tears***

i am so sorry to hear how you are HURTING...this is what they do...BUILD YOU UP TO DROP YOU AGAIN....when i have been tempted to go back to narc...i run thru my head the past times i went back...and what always happened like clockwork......THAT HAS ALWAYS BE MY DECIDING FACTOR ON NOT EVER GOING BACK.....GET BACK ON THE HORSE,AND STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP ANYMORE.....

There is nothing wrong with you! He wore you down with his nice mask and it is very hard to resist that! There is a level of validation when they hoover and even when we think we should know better, the relief that they aren't disordered and they really do love us is so tempting. Who wouldn't want to believe our dream could be real? I'm sorry this hurts so much. You did well with NC but he was relentless so it's perfectly understandable you would give into it. NCNCNC! Narcs are reptiles! (hugs)

I believe with all my heart- You have to use that brain of yours! You can only be 100% if you enable your mind and soul. Something they CAN'T do. Use just your emotions and you are just as weak as they are using just their mind. You are so much stronger than he is. Use all the equipment God gave you to defeat him and move on for once and for all. xoxo, Ruby

We do this because we are human and we believe in other's intentions. It is so difficult to think that someone is so emotionally void like they are. Mine went 3 weeks without speaking to me and when he finally did, I tried rationalizing and get our problems and differences solved (it had never happened before in my relationship, so I wasn't sure what I was dealing with exactly until that moment). Yesterday I accomplished being 1 week NC with him, and today I have this weird feeling. I haven't had the urge to contact him when we had all these troubles, but today, I found something that got me very excited and I feel sad because I don't have that "person" to share it with. Today I do miss him (even though I will not contact him), because I have nobody to be as excited as me to hear about this, and I create this imagery in my head that I'm telling him about it because I know he would be (fake being) as excited as me. That makes me sad. You are not alone. I wish you the best. Everytime you feel like contacting, rememeber all the things he did and how he hurt you, you will automatically back off from trying to contact him.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing. It also triggered me and I'm 5 mos out too. You can start anew from here and now you know what you're dealing with. They're so sick! I used to check my phone too bc of the phone games he'd play. He'd sometimes turn it off. He also had a backup battery pack (don't need electricity) and he'd say his phone died. He used to tell me he didn't take his phone away from his truck for work bc he was afraid he'd bump it or drop it. Then I started going with him to work and noticed it was right there on his hip in his belt carrier while he worked. We also used to talk late at night or he'd answer early in the morning bc I was ill. Then the former stopped and the latter became intermittent. I was so tempted to call mine, but I'm remembering the headgames now. I was like a lil lab rat in training. One time, I put my phone in the car, so I could stop checking it. I also turned it off at night like he did. God forbid if he couldn't call me. It was like an emergency over some small matter. Mine lives in a different state, and I think I'll not break N/C now, bc I can see him playing phone games again or disappearing on me to get back at me for leaving quietly. Hang in there! I know you can do this. Stay strong! (((Hugs!)))

Man- all I can say is we're in the same boat... however he hasn't "changed to narc" yet, but I know it's coming!!! Ohh gosh! I'm sooo sorry that it happened- but it may over and over again! Since you're aware of exactly what's going on all you can do is try to go back to NC and go back to how you were. Yesterday I posted and someone said that she's constantly reminding herself of WHY she's not with him and WHAT he did to her. I came home and made a detailed list of the shitty ways I was treated & it helps! I haven't said a word in over 24 hours! I'm soo proud lol considering that I was late night talking to him, etc, etc! HANG IN THERE! Try to remember what led you to go NC and what gave you that strength & hopefully you're able to pull away & in the future go back to NC! GOOD LUCK! STAY STRONG!!!

Gosh, that really sucks, Now you have the final answer!! I will say reading that caused a trigger in me. What a crazy freak show they are!! Sick,Sick!Sick!, All you can do is pick yourself up and brush yourself off! Be strong, I suggest you delete him permanently Change phone numbers e mails everything! Ive been having a difficult time myself missing my Assclown. I think it's because I stopped my Meds! However as bad as I feel, I will never let him do this to me again!! You do the same! Hunter

Its ok we have all done it . What you need to do is forgive yourself and go back into no contact , cry a river and get it all out , get your jornal out and write it all down . there is no shame in breaking NC , some of us need to go back time and time again before we get that the man we loved is a psychopath , its just a part of recovory . NC NC NC it will get better in time . xx

Ug! These guys! I cant understand them for the life of me. I guess the reason we keep trying to be nice and give them chances (other than that we love them) is because its so hard to swallow the idea that they have no heart or concience for us. We want so much for things to work out,and to believe that everything will be okay. Its not your fault. I got sucked-in too again, and am paying dearly for opening the door to him. We were okay before for a while without them, so we will be okay again.

Pick yourself up. Turn off your phone. Go no contact again. Unfortunately what I've learned is CONTACT EQUALS PAIN. It might not be right away, but it is inevitable. You can trace it back to when you picked up and said you accepted his apology. To him that was an open invitation to use and abuse you again. It's unfortunate but it's true. So Over It, my sister used to tell me "NICE DOESN'T WORK WITH SOME PEOPLE." I believe this guy is one of those people that nice doesn't work with. Forget about being nice to him any more and go NC again. YOu did it before for five months! That's fantastic and you can do it again. Sometimes it takes another round to hit the point home about who you're really dealing with. Now you know. TURN THE TABLES AND GO NC FROM NOW ON! Hugs to you sweetheart, and hold your head up. You slipped up but it's just temporary. You'll get your power back one moment of NC at a time. Hugs to you and good vibes for strength and clarity from, (determined to never again be) spinning. THE SICK FREAK IS NOT WORTH AN OUNCE OF MY ENERGY!