tazmania's story

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mar 6 - 3PM
tazmania
tazmania's picture

tazmania's story

My Story: Struggling

I'm new to the site but so glad I found it. Before I began, it feels great to not feel alone anymore.
Well, here goes a short version of my story. I began seeing my N now about two years ago and it started out to be something I thought that I wanted. I soon found out that he was counterfeit, a cheat, abuser emotionally, physically etc. and a manipulator and very good at playing games.I found out that he had places that he would go and be with others when he felt like it are I didn't do what he wanted me to do. He would buy me lots of nice things and then when we argued turn around and throw them in my face and say that without him in my life, it would be total darkness that he is the sun, but I'm to stupid to know it. What an asshole! I had to disclose everything to him but he didn't have to tell me anything. When I met him I was engaged to a man and had been for 7 years during a 13 year relationship.
Well that relationship had started to wither because it was long distance and he traveled a lot. Long story short we ended because of this new thing with the N. So the N and I began dating very intensely except when I would get out of line are out of pocket as he says he wouldn't answer any of my calls or text messages. He was always very secretive and wouldn't allow me to know about his children's mother are even his newest baby's mama. He would often tell me that I didn't have the right to ask him any questions because of everything that he does for me. When I would go to his house upon receiving an invitation he wouldn't answer the door are just get in his car and leave because I might have taken a moment longer than what he wanted. With him it is always about what he wants and desires and part of me hates him for being that way. He would always tell me that I didn't love him no matter how much I did for him because I wouldn't give him total control I didn't obey so (in his words) I wasn't fourth coming and I wasn't civilized and I needed him to make me civilized...back to the story!!! After almost a year my N got put out of his house so of course I offered him somewhere to stay until he was able to find him a place. He moved in and took over!!! He threw away my clothes, some shoes and food are anything that he didn't want in my house!!! MY HOUSE!!! I felt like a prisoner in my own house. I wasn't allowed to wear certain clothes, eat certain things and I had to report how I spent my money to him and bring it home once I got payed. He told me that I needed to be in the house by a certain time of evening and wasn't allowed to go any where without him being suspicious. If I didn't he would have terrible tantrums (very explosive) where he called me every name you can think of and hit me or we'd end up fighting and hitting each other. After living together for a while before the much of the madness started we started looking for a place to move in together..BIG MISTAKE!!! I told him to get out so many times but, would turn around and ask him to stay. Well After so many times of being hit and feeling disrespected I finally said something to my family and that opened another can of worms. Talk about the embarassment and humiliation of the police being involved along with my family and friends. Well I finally got him out of my house but into another place that I put my name on for he and I to live together.
After that I thought it was over but, I love him so much he has a way of making me feel extremely guilty if I ever leave him are tell anything that he's ever done to me. We began again trying to make it work but we kept conflicting...something as simple as not having a smile on my face would set him off. Calling me whore, telling me I don't know how to be a woman, my parents did a terrible job raising me, in a word stupid Of course I couldn't be quiet so I would always argue back. Well we've continued to fight and make up, every time me bowing down and always having to apologize for something I didn't do. The lease is almost up on the place so I was planning on letting him stay to the lease end and then cut ties, but it seems so difficult to do. Today we got into the worst argument ever because I asked him did he have a seperate part of his life that I didn't know about. He accused me of being mellow dramatic and being insecure.
As he was demean me telling me to shut the $#@% up I began thinking, the reason we can"t get along is because he's crazy...he believes he can hit me, talk to me like I'm a dog, demean me and move how he wants to and maintain my respect, compassion for him and confidence in him. He is so out of touch with reality. I still love him very much but desperately seeking courage to walk away. Hopefully today will be the day.

Taz

Mar 6 - 4PM
peachesn
peachesn's picture

Hi darling Taz! Your story

Mar 6 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
tazmania
tazmania's picture

Thank You

Mar 6 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome Taz!! Tell me what's

Mar 6 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Dorothy1
Dorothy1's picture

I too am glad I found this