Talk is not Sex and Sex is not Love

We really get on some strange topic threads some days on this forum. We almost always get into trouble when we use words like ALL or NEVER or ALWAYS, and interchange other terms like sociopath, psychopath, Narcisist. No matter what the illness or disorder is, the presentation of symptoms/traits in one individual is different than in another individual. Psychological descriptions are not as easy to measure as physical descriptions. All that said, why do we continue to question our own perception of reality? Why do we try to find a way to make unacceptable behavior acceptable?

All you can really attest to is the way you have acted, and your perception of how you have been treated. You cannot know with absolute certainty what anyone else is thinking, but you can put a series of things that have happened together over a period of time, and come to a fairly conclusive deduction about what was intended in an exchange between two people who have had a series of these exchanges. Just about everything else is just speculation.

So ladies and gentleman, considering all this, please consider my premise that Talk is not Sex and Sex is not Love. When people talk about sex the conversation will be appropriate or not based upon the relationship and intent of the people involved in the conversation. If the conversation makes you unhappy or uncomfortable -- don't participate. If someone tells me "I can only be with you if we are having sex, otherwise I have better things to do," I see myself saying "I guess it's time for you to leave then!" In general. But if someone I love, who I have a relationship with and who has been good to me says "I only have an hour before I have to leave, and I would like to spend it making love to you" I will perceive and react to that statement with humor and love, and I will not feel used. It is the context of the relationship that defines the meaning of the conversation.

When we are under the influence of a N and are experiencing cognitive dissonance, or are being triangulated, we are not thinking clearly. We are not making good decisions. We are not listening to what is meant when we hear what is said. We are making up our own reality, and refusing to see what is really happening. Once we wake up and see reality, once we hear the truth -- we wonder what kind of spell we were under to make us believe the incredible bull that we "believed" in our state of denial. It is our responsiblity to wake up, see, and listen. It is our responsiblity to flee from danger when we recognize it. It is our responsiblity to understand that Sex is not Love. Whenever we do anything except take responsiblity for our own actions we are contributing to the problem, instead of finding a solution.

Discovering why a N does anything may bring some level of comfort or understanding to you. Discovering YOU have the power to stay there and take it, or to go find something better to do with your life is LIFE CHANGING and ENERGIZING. Put the focus on yourself, and you will soon FEEL FABULOUS!!!!!!