The swan and Scorpian! Narcs never 'own' ther damage. Projection!!! Need to vent!!!!

http://www.narcissismfree.com/swan-and-scorpion.php

"There was a Swan at the edge of a river and a scorpion approached asking the swan if she would kindly give him a ride to the other side of the river on her back. The swan said "no, you are a scorpion, you will sting me and I will die." The scorpion assured the swan that he wouldn't do that, all he wanted was a ride to the other side and he promised she was safe with him. So the swan gave in and allowed the scorpion to climb upon her back. She swan to the other side and just before reaching the shore the scorpion stung her and jumped to safety. As the swan was sinking, slowly dying from the poisons she asked the scorpion why he broke his promise and stung her. The scorpion said "I'm a scorpion, that is what I do."

by Kaleah Laroche

My husband hasn't left yet. (after announcing that he is not 'in love' with me.)
I was cleaning his desk when I discovered a half written letter to his brother.
Now you see, Narcs worry greatly about the way they are viewed by the outside world.
They are made up almost entirely of the pieces of the oppinions of others, they form there identity nearly totally from the 'outside'. They are dead on inside. SO it comes as no shock that 'looking good' to family and friends is important.

I told his brother he was moving out again after moving in only 2.5 months ago.
in the letter he said to him, 'Since I moved back in my clothes are in the broom cupboard, my possesions are in the garage and we sleep in seperate beds, I am glad I moved back because we are getting on better than before but I need my own space and I also need sex"

I found it hard not to feel anger but quickly rembered that he will never own his leaving and say, 'I moved back in and I am already bored and disillusioned and I dont want to be my wife, who I have lost interest in, no matter what, regardless of what she would do to support change or development in our relationship'

WE sleep in seperate beds becasue I sleep with my son and this is becasue he moved out for 2 years. I would have of course moved my son into his own room at some point after our reunion, except we ALL got very sick with intestinal worms and I thought that I would not choose to do this while my son was so poorly with swollen tonsils and glands' I thought it would wait... (The narc is too selfish to think this way)

AND... WE do not have sex because we all have 'intestinal worms'. Its not sexy!!!!!WEll is it???? And WE had lots of sex at Christmas before we got back togther and it all kicked off so its not like I am denying him congical rights, I just assumed that he too understood that we would have sex again when we were both better. (again I project the swan characteristics on to him.. Big Error)

AND... He 'only' moved back in 2.5 months ago after a 2 year break in which he stored much of his stuff in my garage. and when he returned it was difficuilt to fit it all back in the house. I mean is 2.5months is a short time to be throwing your toys out the pram. I told him he would have to gain my trust.. it was about him making the compromises. he promised to change this and that and be the perfect husband and take time with me..

And finally when he lived here he was a total control freak and I was never allowed to put a pillow straight or to move a peice of furniture. If I did he would move it back the way he had it. It got silly and he totally controlled everything in the house. I was a housewife with no control over her home.... So when 'I' ageed he could move back in. I told him that I would need to keep my desk and computer in the bedroom and that he was not allowed to hoover, clean or touch that space. He was happy with this or so it seemed. I cleared ouit the large cupbord down stairs and he put all his stuff there and utilaised the living room as his space for which I agreed to not touch or change... he had his desk and his booksehlf and it was just how he liked it... ???? OR WAS IT?
As it turned out it was not a satisfying agreement for him at all.

A normal perosn would have said 'hey I have lived here for nealry 3 moinths now and I think we need to share our space better' BUT NO...

instead of negotiating new terms, like 'lets get our boy in own room' or 'lets share the bedroom again' or 'lets try moving some stuff around' or 'hey I miss you sexually and how about some intimate time' it was a staright ...This is not working... I can not in live with you anymore.. further more...

I shall tell everyine how you deny me sex, deny my a shared bed, deny me space and then you will look like the one who casued the break up and I will look like the one who has been rejected.

He goes to see his mother tomorrow with our son, I know I should NOT care but he will paint this same picture to her and I will look like the mean spirited cold witch who closed him out. When infact he wanted to go off and have sex with other woman and source new supply and have his maddonna and whore... he even told me he wanted a new relationship and to have more romance and fun!!! that we had nothing more that a friendship and that he didnt feel that a marriage should be hard work but that 'we both' deserved a relationship that was good and perfect throughout'
I bet he wont tell anyone that part...
I am not angry just disappointed that he cannot even own this last D&D...
and is the last. I know in a few months or years he will coem sniffing and I will have more sense!
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