swallowedcanary's story

Mine said he wanted us to agree & then go to a local attorney up the street to write the agreement. That was cheaper & easier. Basically, cheaper (money is important to Ns) & agree--means he controls you & what you get, that is, he will take care of number one--himself. In the end, my N hired a PIT BULL qua SHARK attorney when he realized that I was not going to do it his way. Forget what he want wants. Rule Number One for you: No more being nice & polite, forget what he wants & do not be intimidated. Two: No more contact. Do not discuss anything divorce related with him, it will come back to haunt you. He talks to your lawyer about everything. Three: If you are on the deed, you are entitled to your equity. And, depending on the laws in your state, alimony &/or child support. Get what you can under the law & get more if possible. And, that's right, after a long marriage he may even have to pay for your lawyer. Five: DOn't even think of going back. He may want to reconcile because a divorce is too expensive & will disrupt his comfortable lifestyle. He will never change. Six: Move on ASAP. Good Luck! Oh, and I did not do too well in my divorce . . . but not too badly. I decided I did not want a protracted & expensive legal battle. No children. I lost everything I earned for 2 1/2 years which I invested into the house for renovations & upkeep. There was a market crash, so I took a slight discount on what I invested as a down payment. Other women get totally robbed & lose everything. I consider myself lucky. But you have a child & a longstanding marriage. He sells you short . . . & has you downtodden . . . no more. Stand up for yourself & get what is yours. But, no contact whatsoever . . . he will bully you & intimidate you & threaten you. Keep a record of every interaction, every e-mail, every letter. Do not respond. Give him nothing to use against you. And get a good therapist & have only supportive people on your side. Exercise, eat well & sleep. You go get your money girl!!! And it is your money. You were his wife for how long? More than 2 decades. Don't sell your self as short as he does.

Educate yourself to state laws on divorce and property division.There are websites which tell you what the laws are in your state. Buy a journal and keep notes of any and every remark and incident that occurs pertaining to divorce. Do not expect that your attorney or his has any interest in drawing this to a close quickly, they are in it for the fees. Do not hesitate to fire your attorney if your gut indicates things are not right. Ask for any and everything you can. You certainly won't get it otherwise.You are probably entitled to more than 50 percent based on the length of your marriage and the disparity in earning potential. You may even be able to get an allowance for educational expenses since he is so interested in you getting a better job. It took a year for me to get my divorce and six months after he was still fighting to keep from agreeing on the final decree. During that 18 month period he cleaned out all of our assets except for the one account my second attorney had frozen. The judge pretty much awarded me everything I asked for. Of course it was all gone at that point but it was validation that the judge believed me and not him.

My exN said he didn't want a lawyer. He said all sorts of stuff about living near me and sharing child duties and how he wanted to pay for the kids plus holidays. He said lots of very amicable stuff. He wrote "friendly **him** could live round the corner to friendly **me**) In REALITY he was TRUE NARCISSIST got an aggressive barrister, tried getting me, two little children 2 and 4 out of the house to be sold. A house that I paid for and he was only in a year but joint mortgaged, he had my car stolen, hasn't paid maintenance for nearly 2 years although he has a great job. The vile lies that came from his end and the abuse to me and my lawyer from his end, shocked me so much. I was way too soft, had no idea that he would get like this. I can assure you he is going to be the most vindictive, vile, lying, stingy, mean abusive shite on earth. I thought he was terrible when I was with him (and he was convicted of assault) but I had absolutely NO idea what was in store for me over the next 2 years trying to separate. I'm still trying to separate from him. This is when they enjoy getting into their narcissist psycho heads....... they enjoy the fight to try and destroy you and don't stop in their sick game. Mine too told me to get a different job. I love being a musician which he was/is so envious of (I didn't realise this at the time) and I've still managed the two little children for 2 years without his maintenance. Please do not underestimate what he is going to put you through........... get a hard as nails lawyer, fight fire with fire, do not give him anything, coz guess what he'll take you for what you have and probably move in with the OW with your money.

PLEASE LISTEN!!! GET A VERY GOOD ATTORNEY, no matter what it costs. You can pay for it with your alimony. You have half of the equity of the house and 1/2 of the assets, and if your attorney is real slick, your husband may even have to pay your attorney fees. If you play your cards right, and you better for your future and your children's, not only will you have child support for one year, but you will have ALIMONY; 33 1/3% of his earnings. With 26 years of marriage, there isn't a judge in the world who would not let that go through. I know what I am talking about. I went through a very nasty divorce (that is why you need the best attorney). Do your homework!!!! If you don't do what I am telling you, it will be your fault. It doesn't matter what your husband thinks/feels, this is your life!!! Your future!!!!!!!! and make sure to tell your attorney about Narcissism and then learn all you can about the narcissist in the courtroom.

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